This....uhhhh....might be too much for people, and I wanna stress this enough that this belief came about in 2015, it went away in 2016, it did come back mildly in 2017 but ever since 2018 and 2019 I haven't believed in it since.
I was influenced by many pieces of art.
I liked this book called I Feel Sick by Jhonen Vasquez.
I also liked The Truman Show and The Matrix.
I'm not schizophrenic, I don't hear or see things, but I have schizotypal traits.
I started to believe in these pieces of art, and even misinterpreted lyrics from dark underground music.
It all resonated with me so well, like it was telling my story.
It was so crazy.
I started to believe that the "Sickness" doll was real, and I needed to become her, and that I was in a video game tv show. Basically, life was a simulation but also a TV show as I believed everyone was an actor lying to me, hearing scripts in their heads, because people including myself have this bald spot on the top of our heads, I'm not sure what this part of the head is called, but I believed we had it because God implanted a camera in my head so people at home watching my life would not only see me from camera hidden in objects, but they'd see me first person with the camera in my head, and everyone else got implants in their heads, a chip in their brain to be mind controlled.
I was satanic at the time and thought God was brainwashing people and that I was the antichrist.
I didn't hear Sickness, but I got just weird thoughts of her.
I listened to this band called Fields of the Nephilim, and I just kept on getting weird subliminal physical world and spiritual messages from them.
Especially their song "Hollow Doll".
Another example of a song that I related to was Nine Inch Nails's "The Becoming".
Now, I had no idea how to un-brainwash people or stop God from doing all of this. I guess my only way at the time was to just tell people the truth.
Tell them that God is lying to them and all this knowledge I had inside myself.
I eventually told a psychiatrist this and I went on anti psychotic meds.
The thoughts went away in late 2015/early 2016 and since then, these thoughts and beliefs I'd think about are now hard to remember, and might of gotten some things wrong or forgot a few things, but I never told anyone this publically until now.
I'm currently off meds and doing good without meds, for the thoughts and beliefs haven't came back without meds.
There was this incident I don't wanna talk about on here in 2017 where these thoughts came back, but I stopped them, and in 2018 and 2019, I've been free from these thoughts.
I wanted to become this female demon so badly and didn't know how to.
I still sometimes struggle with my gender identify, but not in a delusional sense like this, probably why a lot of doctors didn't think I had gender identity issues in the traditional sense.
Nowadays when I struggle with my gender identity, it's about my marfanoid habitus and young and soft body features even though I'm a 24 year old male.
Just a warning to people, having weird beliefs isn't always a bad thing, however, if they are on your mind 24/7 and they get you distressed then it's a problem. Do not always trust your thoughts. If something is off and seriously wrong, fix it. Don't go down the rabbit hole I did.
Stay healthy and safe.
https://i.redd.it/8thjjd1mczp31.png
https://i.redd.it/ab9trtrnczp31.jpg
https://i.redd.it/9kfiuk3pczp31.png
Submitted October 01, 2019 at 10:25PM by GnosticMindTrain https://ift.tt/2p8gJHN
No comments:
Post a Comment