Agender female presenting? Is this identity 'valid'?

So, I haven't been on Reddit in forever, but it's still my go-to place for me to search for advice on more 'obscure' or lesser talked about subjects, gender identity being one of them, which I've had a hard time finding info on as of late. Here's some background-- I'm AFAB and have always presented as female and thought of myself as a girl because socially I was always treated and perceived as such. For a long while, my thought process was "I am a girl because I love makeup, I love fashion, I like to paint my nails and go shopping and because I have a female anatomy. Also because I don't feel strange being referred to as 'she' or being treated like a girl unless that means I don't get to do certain things (i.e. play sports) or dress a certain way (i.e. wear boys' basketball shorts.) ." But as I got older, I realized that that was absurd. You can be a biological male and identify as a man and still love and care about all the things that I loved and cared about. None of those things should be exclusive to one single gender or identity even though we're often taught that they belong solely to women. Anyways, I always wanted to be the girl who got down in the mud and did 'boy' things, like playing with toy cars or bugs or carrying heavy things. But these are all things that are just taught to us to be exclusive to males— even though realistically, women can do those things too and still be women. Does doing those things MAKE them women? No— they are just attributes and interests which someone who is a woman may have (and vice versa for men). Either way, I was interested in all of those things but also in things like makeup and fashion and art. Things seen as more traditionally 'feminine.' Again, I've always presented as my assigned gender and allowed people to call me 'she/her' despite the fact that I've never felt comfortable with the idea of saying "I am a woman." It just feels wrong. Which brings me to the second part of this whole ordeal, which is that I feel hugely disconnected with my body. I hate my hips and feel intense disgust towards my reproductive system and what it is capable of. I hate my uterus and if a doctor would agree to remove it for me, I’d have it done. I’d rather be dead than be pregnant. I can’t explain this in any other way but when I think about having kids, I think “Oh my god, my life is over,” but not because of where I am in my life right now. I think this because it seems like a strange illness or mutation that my body shouldn’t be capable of having— one which I’d rather die to avoid than live with for 9 months. I feel very disconnected and even disgusted by this meat sack that I have to live in. Anyways. A few months ago, I went from using she/her pronouns to she/they pronouns, and I felt so much comfier knowing that people would see it in my bios on social media an think “oh so they don’t just identify as a girl,” which is nice. Being seen as cis makes me uncomfortable because it doesn’t reflect me or how I feel on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I don’t think I have a word for this. I don’t feel like I have both characteristics of a man and woman, I feel like I just have plain, gender void characteristics which society assigns masculine or feminine values to. I don’t identify as being nonbinary as much as I simply identify as being agender. I don’t feel connected to the idea of being perceived as a man or a woman. I don’t align with the social responsibilities of either gender and I don’t feel uncomfortable with the idea of just not having one at all. I still want to look feminine and dress like a girl. I don’t have a problem with being referred to as ‘she,’ but I want to be able to put a label to my gender identity that fits so I can stop feeling so strange about this whole ordeal. Even if I am the only one who knows what to call my gender identity, I just want a word for it— I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m some ambiguous ‘thing’ just floating along the spectrum. Some people may be okay with that, but I don’t feel good about it. SoOooo, my question is, can I be AFAB, female presenting, using she/they pronouns, experiencing dysphoria and still be agender? I know that this is really just me asking someone to validate my supposed identity, and maybe that’s lame to do online, but I just don’t have anyone supportive in my life who I think would be willing or understanding enough to speak about this topic with me. Any help or input on this topic would be so so SO appreciated! Thanks! <3

Submitted October 08, 2019 at 11:07PM by tireddxwner https://ift.tt/2OwIi8o