So, some backstory here. I started doing digital art and animations when I was around 12 years old. My father was the one to buy me the equipment for doing this; a laptop, cheap drawing tablet, and software. I started to spend most of my time working on building up my skills and even getting commissions, during this time I wanted to branch out and work with other artists. My father started to punish me for working with other artists and small mistakes I make by taking away my ability to draw, even guilt tripping me into thinking that because of art, I was a bad kid. He had claimed at one point that "if you make money off of art, I'll let you draw all the time" basically testing me saying that I would have to make money to even be an artist... when I was around 12.
Years have passed, parents had a bitter divorce, and I live with my mother now. I'm now a professional digital artist and a student in an animation program in college (dorms are much more expensive than staying at home when the ride there is 20 minutes. Very thankful my mother offered to let me stay home while I go to school <3). Recently, I put out this animation that was the equivalent to a sh*tpost, y'know, trying out new animation techniques and having fun with it. I spent 6 hours straight working on the animation that was about 23 seconds in length and posted it on my social media accounts. Now, the song I used is called Another F U Song by the ska band Reel Big Fish, the song contains the line "fuck you and you know who you are." The next day, I go back to check the comments and I see my dad posted a comment saying "glad you're getting your message across to me loud and clear."
Wtf?
I removed comment and texted him that bringing our family drama onto my art isn't respectful. He assumed the entire animation was a personal attack on him. I had to explain that the assumption was very low of him to make (that I would do something so awful for the sake of "revenge") and reminded him that he was the one who verbally abused our family and terrorized us to a point where police were involved many times. He's ruined Christmas for our family as he rejected his love for me when I came out when I was 14 and screamed at me that I was gonna get my a** jumped and beaten. I Also explain that the song starts off with "hey, kids. It's time to use the F-word" and the song is just a joke. Reassuring him that the joke of the animation was somebody saying "ska sucks" when both me and the character used in the animation love the genre of music and that he needs to calm tf down.
Telling him that this is the reason why I don't want to talk to him as both him and his family gaslight me and guilt trip me into thinking I'm some stupid kid who's being controlled by my mother, telling him that I am a living being with thoughts and emotions and not a mindless drone.
That he needs to give me space and I will contact him when I am ready and not when it's most convenient for him. Reminding him that everybody works differently and he needs to respect my decision.
During his rebuttal he texted back "but you never talk to me so how was I supposed to know? :(("
This... this is the exact reason why I'm personally done with anybody and everybody's BS. I've been putting up with this for more than 5 years and he still goes on.
He also made the erroneous explanation that he had "done everything to keep this family together" and that he "forgave my mom" for leaving him.
- That statement about him doing everything to keep our family together included; breaking into our house to trash my mother's room as well as shout and verbally assault me when I was home alone for not texting him back, verbally abusing my sister and I, cornering my sister in her room after kicking in the side door because she didn't feel comfortable about him driving her to a concert, abusing/threatening/and gaslighting my mother, talking behind our backs to his family and friends, as well as making up lies about my mother in order to ruin her social life in town to paint her as a cheater and a manipulator when he was the one who cheated.
- The reason why my mother left was because he abused her emotionally and completely failed to maintain a healthy relationship with her. Spending all his time throwing the biggest parties and tried to win over the hearts of just the people in town rather than having a healthy marriage. She left because she was unhappy. She tried to do it once before when I was a young kid, but one day without her knowledge he moved back in and forced her to not tell us about what actually happened.
The last texts he sent me before I ended up ignoring his messages were as follow;
"I don't care, the past is in the past and you need to listen to me."
"I am your father and this treatment is unbelievable."
"I raised you better than this."
"You need to open up your eyes because you were never in danger with me."
"You forget all the good things I did for you."
Nice try, but you raised me to be self conscious about myself and that I should stay with abusers if they say "I'm sorry" and then continue their awful actions.
Just because you got my mom pregnant and she gave birth to me, does not give you the right to act as if I have to listen to your entitled and controlling nature because "I'M YOUR DAD."
You might be my dad but that doesn't mean I have to give up my will to be an adult and advocate for myself just because you're a controlling person who happens to be my parent.
Edit: I decided to text him one last thing to put the nail in the coffin about how outrageous he's being. (Tw; suicide mention)
"Sorry to say but I never felt safe around you during that time. Cops were involved, you broke into the house many times to trash the place as well as scream at me and belittle me for not texting you back, and even smashed a wedding photo where mom had to grab both me and Hershey (our dog) and leave the home immediately and live in a different place while you asked around where we were because you couldn't handle the fact that you scared us. These were precious times in my life and I was scared to even be in the same room as you, remember when I shouted at you "I wanna kill myself" and you replied with "yeah, me too" I get you were mentally unstable but that shit effects me mentally to. I still go to see a therapist about my problems because that messed me up psychologically where I was harming just to feel any sort of emotion other than fear. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is? For a kid to have to live through that when they've done absolutely nothing wrong? The divorce could've ended so much more easily but you refused to let the past go and accept the fact that you made mistakes. We all made mistakes. But people also suffer when we drag them into our mistakes. It takes time to heal and YOU as my parent need to respect my decision and support me. You also have no room to talk bad about mom saying you "forgave her for leaving" you. She left because she was unhappy. She left because it was the best thing for HER. She tried to make it work when me and (my sister) were kids but you forced yourself back into the house and she came home to find you without any knowledge that it was happening. If you wanted to fix the issue, you would've let her go so she could be happy but you were blinded about what was really happening that you covered it up with lies to yourself. Bringing her into this was unnecessary. I'm advocating for myself right now as a young adult and you should be proud of me for finally speaking up."
Submitted July 06, 2019 at 06:36AM by Little-Biscuits https://ift.tt/2RZPBVS
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