I hate kids

I don't have kids of my own, never wanted to, never will. I do have stepkids though. I've spent so much time with them, nursed them through illnesses, taken them places, made them dinner etc etc etc. They basically treat me as a third parent. And I'd never say any of this to them but... FUCK, AM I EVER IRRITATED BY THEM.

They are two boys, very physical. Always screaming, rolling around, punching and slapping each other, crying, whining, stomping, yelling, singing in a horrible voice, making weird vocalizations, pulling each other's hair and just being a giant annoyance. They don't seem to know how to modulate their voice, or they just don't bother to, because everything just comes out as a loud-as-fuck-motherfucking-screech, and it's seriously stressful just being around them. I never laid a finger on them and hardly ever raised my voice, but every time they're around, I have this urge to just smack the shit out of them and tell them to SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP!

When I moved in with my now-wife, I tried to make the bed our adult space... but oh no! She needed to snuggle with her little monkeys!! So I could never fully relax even in my own bed for the fear of being elbowed in the chin at 5 a.m. or having my stomach stomped on. Yeah, that's their idea of "snuggling".

At the same time, while being physically rough, they're crazy-sensitive emotionally and have meltdowns over any tiny little thing. They hate surprises and need to be told everything in advance. I remember one time when they were little I picked them up from school and told them we just had to swing by the library on the way home. The library was a 5-minute detour max. Well, guess what, they hadn't been warned in advance that we'd be doing that, SO THEY CRIED FOR A FULL HOUR AND A HALF because we did this unexpected thing. Like, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? How's that for an overreaction??

They also won't eat anything. They eat, like, 5 things and adamantly refuse to try anything new. It's always a special meal for them... sometimes I just tell them to make themselves a peanut butter sandwich for dinner cause I can't keep feeding teenagers as though they were toddlers.

One of them is particularly annoying. He's very smart but lazy, disrespectful of his teachers (behind their backs) and isn't interested in anything besides video games. If we didn't constantly nag, he'd spend every waking monent glued to his screen.

The other one was recently rolling on the floor crying and stammering: "W-w-w-what if I'm above everyone, what if I'm like literally GOD and nobody just understands??" He wasn't sarcastic, he was in genuine anguish because he decided he was maybe the most exceptional person on earth by orders of magnitude, a wizard among muggles, and thus could never have any hope of making a connection with us mere mortals. Meanwhile, he hasn't quite mastered the art of wiping his butt properly (don't ask me how I know... gross). How about adequate butt wiping first, and then start planning the takeover of the universe?

Yeah, their hygiene is disgusting! We have to keep reminding them to cut their nails which usually have big enough mounds of dirt underneath to bury a small pet! Their hair is constantly tangled and dirty (they don't really wash it, just splash some water on it, rub some shampoo covering maybe a quarter of their hair, then kinda rinse it off).

Their room is always a mess. And they leave crumbs and dirty dishes throughout the apartment.

Everything must be a giant negotiation with them. They can't just agree to something. It has to be preceded by exhausting petty manipulation. Just fucking do what I asked you to do, it'll take you two minutes to do that thing as opposed to fifteen minutes of arguing about it!

I could go on and on but I'm tired of typing this post. There's just so much bad stuff to say!!

Why are kids so stupid, loud, annoying, bad at everything they do, and intent on ruining everything? They literally damage anything they touch. I'm so worn out by it all. And while I try to establish some rules, it's a tricky position being a stepparent. All of the responsibility, and none of the authority, as they say.

Just wanted to rant to people who I know would understand.

Submitted July 06, 2019 at 07:03AM by ThrowawayMonkey5071 https://ift.tt/2L7tVq2