"Why not a hairdresser?"

I have always been a person inclined to performance arts, I would write my own biblical dramas, I would direct them, I would even act in them, also I enjoyed and still do, singing and dancing. Every time I wanted to persue acting, dancing, singing or even writing, my parents would laugh at me, but I couldn't bare the embarrassment anymore so I told them I was serious, they lectured me and gave me reasons not to be who I wanted to be. When I was in high school I was in choir and the acting club, I wanted to be a cheerleader but that was really big no no so I did try out, I had two because of different schools, my teacher told me that he could help me get a scholarship to AMDA in LA, I was is happy because that is my dream school but I knew I couldn't accept for obvious reasons, going to LA would mean for me to leave home and live among "wordly" people. So when my teacher was telling me all of the opportunities and things I could accomplish, my throat had a naught and I felt like I was about to cry, even my teacher noticed and he asked me if I was okay, in my head I was imagining my life and achieving goals and it made me happy bit at the same time I was imagining my self being burnt alive when Armageddon came with the fireballs that I saw in images of the watchtower of fireballs falling from the sky, like in Sodom and Gomorrah, but and the same time I felt like if maybe I could be really happy for a little while, accomplishing what I have always wanted, I could accept my fate at the end and just look back in those few seconds of life before I pass and be satisfied with what I did, I just felt so guilty but I longed for a life where I could take my decisions. When I was done speaking to me teacher I want to the bathroom and cried in silence sitting in the floor of restroom stall, I felt my chest so heavy, In actually do not remember how long I was in there because I was exhausted of crying I fell asleep. When I got home my mom was asking me what I wanted to do with my life and I just told what Is always told her, going to bethel and serve, my mom was asking me of what career did I wanted to try, she said I could learn how to do nails, sell merchandise in a market we had where me lived, I could even be a hairdresser, I didn't want to do any of them, I had a dream, I have a dream, but it's just so hard. I feel like my life is passing by and the etime that I invested on the organization was wasted.

Submitted June 07, 2019 at 05:03PM by BibiStar29 http://bit.ly/2IoAhgU