How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
26 male. As of next month I'll be divorced but i've been functionally single for a few years now, its just taken a while to actually do the thing. Steady 8-4 job. I have a masters degree. I have a lot of interests and hobbies, as well as a lot of different friends. Only a few friends would I really consider "close" though.
Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
I've been seeing a therapist for a while now, I am not on any medication. I've been depressed in the past but the past year or so I've had a stable mood. No official diagnoses, though its apparent to me that my quality of life and mental state now is so much better than what it was. I would have been diagnosed with binge eating disorder had I had the opportunity to be diagnosed.
Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
Father was an alcoholic. Mother is still addicted to weed (her words). Family was catholic. All-in-all it was a pretty neglectful and lonely upbringing. I definitely acted out at times, rarely with violence but it happened. Developed binge eating disorder too. However, I did well in high school despite all of this and not trying as hard as I could have in classes. I was in various clubs and held leadership positions including president of a major club. I met a gal on myspace and we ended up going to college together (and then marrying and now divorcing). Overall my parents didn't seem to worry much about me because i seemed to have myself together and know what I was doing. My parents split when i was 13, dad died when I was 17. It took me a while to really come to terms with a lot of my childhood, therapy has helped tremendously.
What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I work as a bureaucrat for a state government. The job I do helps vulnerable populations in my state and I'm very proud to be a cog in this wheel. I do get bored with the repetitive tasks and I procrastinate leading up to deadlines, but I still get my stuff done and usually done well. Its not my dream "job" but it is in a good union and it allows me to live the life I want to outside of work. Doing a job with more hours doesn't interest me really unless its what i'm super passionate about. For now, this is good.
If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
It depends on what the week was like leading up to it, but usually I would prefer to be with my friends than not. If I was alone for an entire weekend I would make the most of it and feel refreshed because I'd probably get a lot accomplished that I've been putting off. But I would feel lonely at times if I didn't use my time as well as i wanted to.
What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
All sorts of activities really. I like to watch sports and growing up I was pretty good at sports. I let my health slide so I haven't played much lately. I do play darts in a league with friends to get my competitive juices flowing. I dj and am working on music production too. I like to watch movies and write reviews of them. I like video games particularly VR, but this hobby has subsided more as I've explored other areas. I like to go to house and techno shows and dance a bit. I've gotten into "flow art" somewhat. I'm interested in doing more outdoorsy stuff though, and I think it'd be cool to go bow hunting with a friend this fall.
How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I'm pretty curious in an abstract way. I love thought experiments that interest me. Philosophy was one of my favorite passions in undergrad. I also am curious to try new experiences, and this has grown over time. Drug experiences? sure. Food experiences? sure. Travel experiences? sure. I'm curious as hell about the human condition. I also have way more ideas than I can execute, but I find thinking through them to be pretty fun and rewarding anyway. I only have limited time and resources to execute stuff in reality, in my mind creativity is cheap.
Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
I've been a leader before and it was okay. I'm a very reluctant leader, but if people have confidence in me that gives me enough confidence to do what I need to do. I'm a leader that loves collaboration since I don't know what I don't know. I would probably be a better leader now than I was.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I'm mostly coordinated, not as much as some but more than clumsy folk. Video games probably helped with my finger coordination. DJing takes a lot of coordination and I think I'm okay at it. I'm not as verbally coordinated as others, I often trip over my words at the start of a sentence because I can't decide how to structure my thoughts as words. When it comes to painting or drawing though I'm not very adept.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
Yeah, I think so. in HS i was in band a lot, and loved jazz band since it was so enthusiastically about creativity and expression. I kinda let this get away from me for a while, but ever since I've gotten into DJing i've felt re-awakened in that regard. I think I have a decent "eye" for things, and I hope to get into "visual djing" at some point. I like for art to be a sensory experience that borders on being overwhelming.
What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past has shaped me into who I am today. I cling to the past too much and have been working on letting go, but i naturally think about the past. In doing so I feel like I'm reliving the past, I can remember small details that others forget or don't even acknowledge (conversations I had at a bar while on vacation for example). The present exists, in part, to change my future. The present is the only time I can exert my will. I often live in anticipation of future events, it keeps me focused at times. I have future plans which run through my head (not constantly but constant enough). The future is going to happen regardless of what I do, so I try to live my present in accordance with what will best suit my future self.
How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
If someone asks me for help my initial response is usually "probably". I rarely ask others for help, so if someone needs help I'm assuming that they really do need it. But I've learned to ask questions and establish better boundaries as I've made mistakes in my life. I will almost always help a friend if I can though.
Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Probably not actually. A younger me would have said "of course". But really my worldview and life has changed so much over a few years that, well, I don't really need logical consistency. If I am reading this correctly. How I think about things has changed, my logic has changed, and I'm better for it. The desire for consistency held me back.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
Somewhat. I try to do things in an efficient way, I don't like to waste energy or time. but its not my primary focus, i'd much rather enjoy myself and waste time than not enjoy myself but be productive. For example, if I'm on a long road trip I'd rather take an extra hour driving if the environment is more diverse and interesting, rather than get there earlier.
Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I think so? Not super intentionally, I don't enjoy it. But I seem to implicitly use emotions to manipulate folks to do things. My friends have told me I'm rather persuasive when I want to be. I get others really excited for something, just by sharing my own excitement. I've gotten people to do some weird stuff just by talking to them, even when I am just goofing around. This is one of the harder things to explain. Also, I do find that I am very comfortable if I feel in control of a situation as long as I'm not the focus of the situation.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
I listed them before but. I like djing because I like playing music I like and creatively using it in new and different ways. Similar to that I want to make new music and express some freeflowing creativity. I like playing video games as a way to experience stories and experiences in new ways, as well as a way to stay connected to friends from my past. I like playing darts competitively because I like the thrill of competition, even if I'm not super good yet. I enjoy writing movie reviews as I believe my perspective or thought patterns are unique or at least interesting and I rarely experience a movie without thinking about it deeply. I like dancing and flow art since it has helped me get more in touch with my "body" and movement, I hope to get into tai chi soon as I think this will help with balance and flexibility.
What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I haven't reflected much on my learning style in my life. I definitely didn't enjoy standard lecture learning, but I did well enough in school. I think I learn best in small groups and working through an assignment. I never was that good at multiple choice tests, I found it was way easier to write my way to an answer. So i guess memorization wasn't typically my strong suit, though I could do it if I put myself in the right state of mind (music involved a lot of memorizing).
How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I love to plan things and think I'm good at brainstorming and strategizing. I do need help in this regard, theres usually obvious things I miss. However once I start the project or whatever I usually end up winging most of it. i find it way more comfortable to set everything up in advance and then go with the flow. If I try too hard to stick to a schedule or something I become frustrated when reality doesn't bend to that will.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
God, I have so many aspirations that I can't really nail down just a few that I really want to commit to. And that is probably a problem. But really I just want a life full of fun and diverse experiences. On the professional track i'm currently on I want to be a program administrator for a specific program in a specific city. But I'm cool if life takes me in other directions. I have a business idea i'm working through with a friend, I would like to learn how to be a butcher, I wouldn't mind if the DJ thing became a source of income rather than a hobby. In my personal life I want to continue to build my relationships with friends and maybe find a new partner that more resonates with my life and soul and whatnot.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I fear being alone for an extended period of time. I find it uncomfortable to be alone with my thoughts for 3 or more days at a time, its unsettling. Time flies when I'm with others, but when I'm alone it inches by. I think about the progress I've made and the progress still to come, and being alone makes it feel like that future will never come. I also fear that other people don't like me or won't like me, its always surprising to me when people have nice things to say to me about me. I figured others don't ever think about me enough to have a formed opinion. I also fear missing out on stuff with friends, it hurts more than I care to admit when friends do things that I'd be interested in without asking if I'm free or interested. I've gotten better about this though.
What do the "highs" in your life look like?
My life is mostly highs now. The highest points are going to house/techno shows and listening to a really good set and moving to the beat. Also spending quality time chilling with close friends.
What do the "lows" in your life look like?
The lows are when i look in the mirror still dissatisfied with how I look despite the progress I've made. Also I've needed to pretty much eliminate drinking because I find I get very anxious for the following couple days.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I think I have a good mix but I probably spend more time in lalaland than most people. I can be blissfully unaware of whats going on at times, i was at a grocery store and a friend came up to me and i was downright startled by the experience. However, I do pay attention to my surroundings if I'm in a social setting, and people assume I wasn't paying attention when in reality I was listening but just not "watching". However sometimes when I'm in conversations with people my mind switches tracks and it becomes hard to get it back on that track, this usually happens when I know what the person is going to say before they finish their thought.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
Oh, idk, anything and everything really. I'd think about my immediate future plans (what I'm doing after my room experience), think about when the next time is that I'm visiting my family, think about some things I want in the future (material items or relationship pursuits). I'd also have loose thoughts that come in and go out just as quickly, if one of those is interesting I'd think about that. Then I'd probably do some meditation and see where I could go with that in that setting.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
It takes me longer than I care for, but I want to be confident in that decision and be able to defend it against my own doubts after the fact. I prefer decisions that have a near deadline, and I usually prefer if the decision is really up to someone else. Like, if I had a choice between two job opportunities I'd prefer if I got rejected by one just so I don't have to decide between the two. I've gotten better at this though, I trust myself enough that any decision I make will be positive and I'll make the most of it. I don't often regret my decisions after the fact.
How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
It has taken me a long time to learn how to process emotions, instead I either ignored them or didn't even know they were there. I blame my upbringing for this. As i've been around more emotionally mature and supportive friends I've felt a lot more expressive and feel more in tune with myself. I've realized that i'm pretty emotionally driven, just very repressed as I'm an adult child of an alcoholic.
Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Yeah, but i've gotten better about just disengaging when the conversation is far beyond my interest. I like others to feel valued and heard, and I always hope that the other person cares enough to ask me the same question (as my answer to whatever the question is is, in my opinion, interesting). But when it becomes clear that the convo is for their benefit and that I'm leading them on by pretending to be interested then, well, I kinda shut off now. However, if I'm getting something out of it I'll keep going. I like to see where others are going with their thoughts.
Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I generally disregard rules that seem unimportant or useless or unenforceable. At work I do need to keep to and respect rules i don't care about, which causes some conflict. I wouldn't describe myself as someone who goes out of their way to break rules to show it to the man or something, but I kinda live by my own set of rules that makes sense to me. Sometimes those rules change quickly, sometimes those rules run in conflict with the rules others have established. I do think authority should be challenged, particularly when authority is sticking up for things that feel quite wrong.
I've been diving into MBTI a decent amount over the last half year again. I typed myself as an INTJ in the past but felt that was way far from the truth, I thought I was an INTJ but in reality was very much not. Over the last 6 months I've fallen into ENFP, ENTP, INFJ, INFP. Its been interesting, and I'm curious what someone else will type me as based on my current understand of who I am. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far.
Submitted May 03, 2019 at 07:27PM by Britton120 http://bit.ly/2DLqxvD
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