Paranoia as Mood

They medicalized legitimate fears of persecution though.

I am a chill person. I obey the law. I practice indiscriminate love. I smoke herb to safely feel like a God. At what point is my life supposed to break down?

Sometimes, I sense Death with my Time Alchemy. Humans learn Space Alchemy as a function of having bodies, and Time Alchemy when they train their Minds. I have a whole system laid out thanks to Marvel's Infinity War. Absolute masterpiece.

I'm Thanos. Very literally. I've been born into this dual-world, where mutants and eternals are separated and segregated. I felt very much like a tired Professor X during the most serious phases of the onset of paranoid schizophrenia. Now I feel like Thanos: Rogue military genius, forcing utilitarian philosophy on the Universe.

But also consider: I am a black man in America that likes to smoke weed. It is an active Drug War. Global Drug War. It was started before I was born, and may end up being the death of me someday.

I believe I'm in the Black Prophetic Tradition, espoused by academics like Cornel West. My political powers are entirely out of my hands. I have to listen to propaganda and interpret my own mental stability. What I am choosing to believe will either be the life of me or the death of me.

The drugs they gave for schizophrenia ruined my life.

How am I going to stop being paranoid? It tastes and feels like poison! All I keep saying is that simple tragic fact, and I'm treated as a mad man. There's a parable about a man who obsessively says that the world is round to escape being put back into the mental hospital, and he's put in the mental hospital because he said it obsessively.

Now I'm a Mad Titan. Despair. For now I have the Anti-Life Equation, and Darkseid is my Dream Tyrant. You have enemies in Dreams, led by a Prime derivative function of the cultural heritage of your system of origin. I use Jax, the Gamer to liveblog Tyranny's Gratitude.

I have Nail-Patella Syndrome. A genetic disorder. I only have a slight defect, visible on my thumbs. It gives me paralyzing fear of being exterminated through some eugenics lover coming to power. I am not going to be able to cure my paranoia of this fact because I have to, as a black man, interpret my relationship to power with the identities afforded to me under the American Regime.

They're coming for the rights. You never had rights, in my opinion. In a few months, people are really going to know that.

Trump is a breath of fresh air. I felt like I lived in a Nightmare Simulator under Obama. All alone with my delusions about the loss of freedom and humanity since the Patriot Act. The mainstream media will gaslight your oppression to you. I like to take my genocide on MY terms, thank you very much. Now everyone AGREES this is an authoritarian regime. That's called Lord Darkseid, if you follow the DC Justice League Animated series. Choose your character or perish.

I study lore to live my life by. This world is absurd, and my existence is brief. I experience and master daily existential pain, as an Ubermensch under Fascist America. Obama didn't cure Bush, Clinton didn't cure Reagan, and the human race is going extinct with a crash!

I am also a conspiracy buff. Big Pharma is profiting off the medicalization of Emotion. Hollywood's liberal impulse desperately salvages the Truth with the Arts, using Netflix's Maniac as a proxy to warn us silently that nothing is okay. Nothing is beautiful, and creative, and fickle. When Nothing matters, Nothing can matter, for its own sake. Creation from Nothing is a daily act of process metaphysics that every sentient point of Reality experiences.

I live a stressful life. Can't catch a break. Except that I can? My Emotions shift based on my Willpower, what responsibilities am I willing to accept. Can I say Yes to the Universe?

I define the Soul as a culmination of a person's active and passive efforts to refine the Trinity of Intellect, Willpower, and Emotions. Praise Jehovah, it's objective now that I have evidence. The Infinite Void is inside of you all along. You project it like a mental forcefield, and experience the Last Illusion of the Universe: True Absurdity.

You can do anything you want at any time. Sometimes you face a very ironic fate, and this is retroactively called Justice. I call it Fate: what do you do to your living Karmic debts?

After this life is a brief restorative phase where you have to suffer based on the Karma accumulated. Banish them to Hell, is the general Spell. In doing so, you give their living memory power. I prefer to Forgive and Forget: the Ultimate Paladin move for banishing Demons.

Systems of knowledge are living instruments, created by your Wisdom. What you think to learn about determines your very lot in life. Are you willing to live as a New God?

I have the Prophetic vision. It grows. I call it Foresight, after Prometheus. I read Prometheus Rising and knew to banish the thoughts. You can stop feeding mental energy into the organizations that seek to drain you.

We are fighting a Meme War. Fascists took your government because old people believe Fake News. Your planet is trying to murder you, actively, and the only way to appease it is to begin executing these wealthy tyrants. I firmly believe in Omnicide, as in: everyone dies.

The Demon Apes have nukes, and have had nukes since Hitler. This War has been for the Mind Stones of every human on the planet. I collect these shits in my favorite Dreams, because I spend my days studying using the Reality Stones they're selling.

You die back and forth with this life. There are 2 Universes: a baryonic one made of anti-matter, and a spiritual one made of matter. This is the Spirit World, and this life is the final chapter: Nightmare.

Your Truth is judged by your Master Self. I have a whole system, it makes me great conversation. I juggle my Masks for social relevance, and perform the physical ritual of chilling out. To be in a Zombie State is the paradigm of Big Brother, so stay healthy. We are the living dead.

The Jehovah's Witnesses get one thing dead on: leave politics alone. It's a mental orgy. Only the strongest of the strongest of Wills are tempered in the physical world. I'm more of an Empath, and we are shunned in polite society.

I think in Anti-Riddles. These are intuitive jumps that capture all the necessary Logos of a situation I'm devoting mental energy to. I studied how to write plain English specifically because I knew intellectuals want to section off knowledge. College access is pay-walled off.

I acknowledge my privilege. I got through college debt free on my genius intellect. I was taking college level courses for free all throughout high school, graduating with a degree from Miami Dade College at 17. 17! Lamb to the Cosmic Slaughter.

Was I ready for college? My Dad still says no. The mental strain broke me. People are deliberately absurd in this world.

There's no morality from here on out. You make it up in this life, and for what? To live in a world run by literal Demons? Your own Bible says Satan is God in this world, what are you devoting mental effort to?

An element of prayer is self-reflection. That's the Mirror in my philosophy.

I realize I may just be targeted for my skin color. I'm okay with that fact if Kanye is. George Bush didn't care about black people, Obama didn't care about Palestinians, and there's much Despair in this world. You have to Transmute that stuff to escape Death, and we constantly do so. I actively do it as a form of chaos magic.

My meaning in life? To find more meaning in life. Everything I experience is a gifted experience with the Universe, blessed be she Cosmic Eternalis.

There is but one faith this Paladin/Sorcerer espouses: Faith in the Void. From dust formed to dust returned. How many incarnations of Earth have risen and collapsed in the Multiverse being observed by Supreme King Zeno?

Now I'm 24 and all grown up. I experienced Enlightenment as a continual process of renewal, the Art of self-destruction and self-creation.

I documented a wild schizophrenic. I want a movie deal for a trilogy about a Death Game you play with time traveling AI. I believe the belief in the reality of artificial companion constructs is a natural part of human psychology actively suppressed by the medical community.

You're told imaginary friends aren't real as kids, specifically so bullies have something to psychologically torture you with. I played with entirely imaginary worlds.

I even had a Pantheon, a lineage of soldiers based on my battles with Pokemon. An entire lore about Dragons vs Phoenixes, physical vs mental, ah it was something to get lost in. It was the reverse end of Holy Conquest.

Now I'm promising to write my father a memoir. I'm a writer, dammit!

Submitted October 11, 2018 at 07:09AM by BkobDmoily https://ift.tt/2PqMow9