Uhhh first post, little nervous but here we go. Sorry if it's long trying to get all the details for a better understanding of the situation here.
Just looking for advice, hoping an outside perspective on what's going on might give me a perspective on the situation i didn't see or think of. Also clearing my chest/ venting.
Quick set up - Graduated high school 2010 at around 350lbs, always been a BIG guy Got a warehouse job Cheated on by high school love Moved to NM Moved back to PNW after it didn't work out Got a manual labor job outside Been there ever since. Im 26 now turning 27 soon
College was never in plans in high school, i had no idea what i wanted to do with life, where i wanted to go, or what to do. So i didn't see the point back then.
Really enjoyed the job I was working, also followed in both my parents footsteps so they were pleased. The job was really physical and I lost about 100lbs going down to a weight I never thought I would see around 250lbs. My confidence was through the roof, I was feeling good and from it I met a girl through my work (she worked for a diffrent company then mine), she convinced me I should move up in the company instead of staying on the entery level i was on. I thought the relationship was moving one way, she knew it was going another. Which is okay, but it was the conversations at the break up ending really messed me up. Basically she knew from the start it would never work but never communicated that with me and just continued on with the relationship for months. When it was over the conversations at the end rocked my confidence in my life. I drank a lot and basically didn't care about shit. One of my friends/supervisors covered me and stupidity at work while going through a destructive phase. After a couple of months I ended up homeless and sleeping in my car. When it got to that point I decided to turn somethings around and really poured myself into the job. Couple of months after that I got an apartment, was promoted at the job and a year after that moved in with my best friend (at that time about 6-7 years now its around 10-11years, I was a junior he was a sophomore in high school when we met) and we're still living together now. After a couple of years, the company I was working for lost their contract and a new company came in. I applied for a postion that was higher then my current one thinking " who knows, maybe i'll get it " I did end up getting it and it boosted my confidence back up. I continued to pour myself into the job and was promoted again within a year of the new company taking over. I changed and devolped the way we currently do training and my methods and training was not only shared through out the company for other stations to use but was set as the standard for moving forward. I had the attention of the company president and other big corporate decision makers all reaching out and telling me they couldn't wait to work with me in corporate, They loved my ideas and I was being tossed more and more extra projects, questions, and asked for ideas, thoughts or opnions. This rocked my world, I was being flown to diffrent stations for training, to teach, and set up them with how to do things, given full permission to fix it or set it up how I needed it. Eventually I was informed they had a postion for me in corporate. They just needed to get some sign offs, some paperwork taken care of for making the new postion and to hold out and keep performing well in current spot while it was being handled. During that waiting time my mother was diagnosed with AML cancer and give 3 months to live. I've always had a weird relationship with my mom. Being more friends then a parent and child, both during growing up and after I became an adult. Either way I called my boss, ley him know what was going on. That night my best friend and myself fly down south to her. Work was understanding when i left. After 2 weeks down with my mom and setting a game plan of how to kick cancers ass, I flew back to work. Within 2 weeks of getting back I was pulled in, and told about an idea they had about moving me from my current postion to a lower less responsability postion to avoid having to discipline me if I were to start slacking due to current life events. Also to " release stress " on me from work. I thought about it, asked about my spot in corporate and was told not to worry to focus on my mom. So I moved into the less responsibility postion, which at first was okay. My mom moved up to the PNW to live with me temporarily while she battled cancer at OHSU. Totally fine she raised me and my best friend so we opened our lives up to her. She had a bone marrow transplantnin december of 2017 released january of 2018 and recovered for a couple of months at my house during that time I was approved for FMLA and my step dad moved in too, to take care of her during the recovery. After a couple months i was losing my mind in the new postion, not enough work, to repetitive of work and the nail to hurt me most was they filled the position they created for me in corporate with another guy externally from the company ( really good guy though glad for him ). Also in the same time frame my mom had moved in with my family in a coastal city in oregon. So i was feeling terrible, depressed, and really started shutting down the world around me, the weight came back quick and more then I had before. Lost intrest in video games, art, friends, and basically woke up, worked, and slept again till the next shift. I was keeping loose contact with my mom during this time as I just didn't care if I lived or died. Eventually my best friend and i had made up some plans to move to Germany for school, we researched everything, contacted all the people we needed to make it work, started looking for how to learn german and getting the money/paperwork in order for us to make this happen. As we were getting closer to changing up our lifes I requested a demotion (honestly couldn't handle living groundhog's day anymore in the postion) stepping down to a front line or entry postion i started in 7 years ago almost. I was punshed for the demotion, losing all senority I had earned over the 7 years, losing all pay diffrences and given a hire date in 2018. Meaning trainies I had just taught how to do the job had more senority then I did now. Furious with how everything was playing out I tried to remain calm, not let it get to me and keep focused on Germany. Shortly after that I found out my mom's health was doing a lot worse down with my aunts and uncles, between them taking her medications, giving her the wrong pills or amounts of medications and getting sick, bad enough to land her back in the hospital a couple of times. She had enough and asked to move back in with us, which we agreed, but this time was diffrent I would need to take the FMLA because she needed a care giver around the clock because she had lost a lot of mobility and needed help to move around the house. I'm not a caregiver nor have I ever been trained in anything like that but I felt it was my responability as her son to take care of her. She moved in, I took the FMLA, and became her care giver 24 hours a day 7 days a week, me and my best friend did not end up taking the tests and examines we would need for Germany because of this, pushing the new dream down the road with the thinking " Germany is a country, it's not going anywhere anytime soon ". It also was not the greatest postion for us to be in either, my best friend still working there and paying the full amount of rent, and having my mom pay the utilities/ other bills so we would be stable while caring for her. About a month or two after starting that i was burned out, and depression had set in for me. It was the worse I had ever had and it has set in pretty good. My mom ended back up in the hostpial due to an ear infection that she picked up while with my aunts and uncles, it turned into meningitis. While she was out of it and recovering from that a pretty big arugement unfolded between myself and step dad in reguards to her well being and what the next step should be after this hospital stay was over and what I should do. Step dad wanted mom in a nursing home for physical therapy and occupational therapy. I just wanted the best option for her but to also respect her wishes which was to not be placed in a home. It ended with going to a rehab/nursing home against her wishes and mine, the plan was for her to get walking again at the rehab home then come stay with me again and stablize before eventually moving back to her home down south. After talking with mom about it, talking with step dad, and the dr, the plan was 2 weeks at most then back to my place, with the idea of me not returning to work and to take a break and recoup in the meantime. (I visit her everyday while in the home to help ease the issue of her not wanting to be there.) She ended up having more issues and going back and forth between staying at the nursing/rehab home and staying at the Hospital. Well the good news, she is cancer free and in remission. All other issues have cleared up and she is now at a point of just PT and OT at the home. Things are looking great and going great for her, I couldnt be happier but im also freaking out and terrified because its looking like she might be headed home just before thankgiving and my best friend and I have no idea how to balance out and fix the shit hole we've ened up in now. With taking the demotion and pay cuts we could basically keep the house and bills caught up but not eat well or enjoy a life of any kind, literally working to survive which neither one of us want to do, we both want to be entrepreneurs, running our own buisness. From being a youtuber (who hasen't thought about that?) to going to school for computer programming or paramedic to opening our own Esports bar. Anything but continuing to work for a company that has broken us down over 7 years of work. Which is where I need the advice, I absolutly do not want to return to my job, I would rather die then go back. On the other hand I have no idea what to do in this situation anymore. I have sacrificed going to Germany, relationships (basically destorying my love life), my confidence, sanity, and put both me and my best friend in a tight spot for money to make sure she could battle, win, and recover from cancer. I never expected to be repaid or compensated for doing any of it or making any sacrifices, but communciated often with my step dad of our house hold situation and the effects of everything but always saying we will make it work or just focus on mom right now. After learning of her possibly leaving in a month without an offer or anything as a gesture to help us stabalize or recover after this year I just feel lost. I feel like im starting life over at 26 and have no idea where to begin... do I go back to a job I hate with a passion, try to figure how to go to college here locally, let everything crumble to dust and move back in with my dad (I couldnt bring myself to do this, as it would screw my friend over) I just don't know the next move, where to go, or what to do. The best friend dosen't either so qe are just getting ready for a bad time. Am I selfish? Am I in the wrong? I thought maybe reddit would be able to toss me an idea or offer advice, so here I am. You can PM me to talk about any of this, or ask for better details on parts.
TL;DR - In a deep depression spot, broken, lost, and totally not sure of what the hell to do next after a year of either bad choices or sacrificing something to help my mom battle cancer. Just want advice on how to make a move that going to line up with my goals of starting my own buisness from the position im in now.
Submitted October 11, 2018 at 04:59AM by Wakunah54 https://ift.tt/2IPgreD
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