Long expected and planned for months day is behind me. Not by a long shot because it made me closer to 29 th birthday than the 28th – i had to go through something way less painful. If the title is too cryptic, let me spell it out – someday when my, khm, questionable movie leaks out, it will be damn difficult to play the ‘’you can’t prove that’s me’’ card. Way to make your life simple, Sandra!
https://i.redd.it/bx6jb8o78eq31.jpg
I do realize that in the might era of 2000s having something permanently drawn on your skin is no more unusual than having paintings of fruit on your wall – with a major difference that these can be at any point in time simply taken off and potentially replaced by something that fits your beholding eye more than suggestively placed banana next to a mandarine. What’s on your skin, well – that is probably the only thing on your fabulous body that you will take with you to the afterlife. And hell, I’ll choose carefully what i’ll show off to all the legends i’ll meet there!
Fortunately, I was gifted with endless wisdom and decided to get inked only under the following conditions :
- I am over 25 and still want it
- The motive still seems like a good idea
- I am able to afford it
My overwhelming maturity therefore decided it is time. The choice of the artist was another coincidence – iso now i can even smartass about ‘’you never know where the life will take you’’ inspirational quiotes. Anyways, it was instagram picture of the final product my friend had done that got me sold. I stared at it way longer i am ready to admit. At this point i knew – love on the first sight does exist. And it has the shape of Demiurg’s artwork. The blackwork illustration artist from Krakow.
YES. I realize i have a lifetime of justification ahead of me. Of course I wished for nothing more than boring someone to death or at least to the point where the poor curious victim will regret their question along with their entire existance. That’s why I already prepared the summary version which i adjust towards the level of curiosity in people. ‘’It is a legend of a wolf woman’’, I will say. And the will silently pretend they know what I’m talking about.
https://i.redd.it/rjwlevgf8eq31.jpg
For the honestly curious audience i will explain this is the mexican legend about La loba, Wolf woman, who lives alone in nature and is rarely seen. Her mission is gathering the bones of animals – her specialty are the wolf bones. Most of the day she spends gathering, seeking, digging, it’s a dirty job, but she manages it. Once she gathers the whole skeleton, she creates a ritual and sings over the bones. Over the course of a ritual, the flesh starts to form, the creature becomes furry, eventually starts to breathe and her eyes open. The wolf leaps and happily runs back into the nature.
If you take a closer look, the woman on the picture has a necklace from bones and holds a skull.
This motive is heavily inspired by the book Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, recommended by my psychotherapist. I was visiting her due to difficult challenges life threw under my feet which are luckily difficult to relate to for most people. This book holds many traditional and folk stories which are alternatively interpreted and all combined, I managed to start building my – at the time vague – sense of self.
The legend of a wolf woman introduces to us an idea of our essence, our intuition. This is symbolized by the bone, indestructible life force. The story hints to the fact that whatever we encounter in life, our essence, our spirit and our bones still remain, despite the flesh getting decayed. Our task is to gather the pieces and build ourselves again, although it can be one beaten path and tt means we will have to dig in the mud and snow for it. We still are, in our core, powerful and resilient, like the bones.
Yep, that’s right, I’m artsy as hell!
Planning and the procedure
Since i discovered the artist through the social media – oh, that godawful modern technology, allowing amazing artwork to be shown to the world! – i contacted him the same way and made an appointment. As it is a custom made work, this pleasantly surprised me and shattered my idea of most of the artists copy-pasting the designs. I told him what i wanted, sent the reference pictures, told the story; i wanted to incorporate some other elements as well but hey, there’s still a lot of skin to go for it. He informed me about the speed and the price. I originally wanted a sleeve and wanted to build it more slowly. So jokes on me, i ended up doing the whole outside of the arm. You know, as a beginning. The inside is still a work in progress, i would need one to two more sessions as one lasts 5-7 hours. And i assumed that physically and financially it would be perfectly fine to start with two sessions.
I have not seen the design until i was on the spot, 6 hours of traveling, accomodated in the hostel, after a huge breakfast. Lukasz always draws the designs the night before and shows it on spot. I heard some artists do it also to protect their artwork and prevent assholes stealing it and taking it to a cheaper artist. I was concerned on many levels, of course! There was not chance to see how exactly is the thing gonna look like – and you will have it on your body forever!
Even when i saw the stencil, i did not how many details are there gonna be as there were many more details and shadows coming. So yes, i only had a brief idea of its final result, and yes, i did trust the artist. I loved his work so far and i was not disappointed.
Painful?How much?
Don’t be silly, it was like forest elves massaging you with lemongrasss oil. Of course it was uncomfortable. An overthinker that i am, i have watched many videos, comparisons, read articles, whatever it took to try to get ready. It didn’t help much that i was convinced i had a low pain treshold and was labeled as a ‘’sensitive kid’’ because i strongly disliked others touching me, especially when there was pain involved. I swear like a sailor when i get a papercut, yet use an epilator on the whole from-neck-down area without a twitch. How do i know whether i can tolerate pain better or worse than others? I am a weird nugget!
I was sweating over the following:
- it will hurt too much and the Darktime tattoo studio will face their worst customer, the biggest crybaby they had so far
- everytime he will touch my skin with the machine i will twitch and destroy the tattoo
- i will cry
- i will faint
- there will be blood everywhere like in a slaughterhouse
- they will giggle over the fact that there’s this crazy lady that got the whole outer arm done as a first tattoo
- hey will take me to the hospital where i won’t be able to say anything but ‘herbata’ and ‘pierogi’, oh god, is my insurance even valid here?
How it actually was:
Lukasz shaved the tiny puff on my arm that was left, sprayed me with an ice cold alcoholic smelling solution and put a stencil, a big sticker kind of thing, on my left arm, shoulder to the elbow first. He was an adorable man of a few words and i was not sure whether he remembered this is my first time. He approached me with a machine, my nervousness reached the highest point. And then he touched the part above elbow. I did not twitch. I barely felt anything. He made the second move and the third and said ‘’that’s how it’s gonna be most of the time’’. And he continued. Really, girl? That drama for THIS? For the feeling of someone slowly draging nails on your skin a bit more slowly? I was being absolutely bizarre.
Now, i will professionally present you with the 1-10 scale of pain i faced and the dissected circumstances. I would say when it reached 5/10, it started being difficult to focus on other tasks and i would just calmly wait and focus on the feeling.
The start was from the elbow up, i would safely say that was 2/10 on a pain scale. And so it went on for another…what, 3 hours? I would chat to the artist, to the fellow ‘victims’, other people in the studio, browse Facebook, text, listen to music (they have some really good music taste there!). 3 hours in the process got…pleasant even. I started suspecting i have masochistic tendencies. Around 4 hours in however i had a lunch break and the part around the shoulder was a little more annoying, let’s say around 5/10. By the end of the hours 4 and 5 i started shivering but i assigned this to a little uncomfortable position.
https://i.redd.it/3mqjzsfl8eq31.jpg
After the black color was finished, so about 5 hours in, i took another break; while waiting on a balcony i asked a fellow artist whether she’s not cold as i was truly shivering. She replied: ‘’…do you have any other tattoos?’’. I said no. She seemed shocked! ‘’Wow, you’re tough!’’ she said. Afterwards i had some food – i was not dying for food, but hey. I was shaky to the extent that i had difficult time opening the Twix bar. Yet, after i managed to get some nutrients, I immediately got less shaky. Ready for more? Let’s see.
It seemed like my social skills stopped functioning a little while i was returning for a color process as i was unable to communicate with people like a decent human. I sat back on a chair and as i got pretty tired, it seemed like all the pain of tattooing got amplified. It’s no a lot of color, i said to myself. But holy hell, this hurt like a bitch! I would say 7/10 for sure! It felt like a knife! I closed my eyes and clenched to my jacket. I did not, however, suffer in a real sense. I knew it will be over and i was thinking about other important life matters while going through it.
In 40 minutes the session was over. I went to see the final form in the mirror and was just…perplexed. It was just, wow, i get to take this home? This…this is incredible. This is…just wow.
https://i.redd.it/xqk4xcpn8eq31.jpg
Lukasz wrapped my upper arm in the foil and i went home. My arm felt like i had an extremely bad sunburn – and, hey, look at my skin; do i seem like someone who doesn’t know what sunburns feel like?
I could not eat for a few more hours and felt exhausted until i got up around midnight and it’s safe to say i never felt so starved in my life. After returning from the nearest fast food store i washed my arm and watched the dense oozy fluid drip from my skin. I tried to make it the bathroom as human-friendly for other hostel guests as possible; someone constantly knocking on the door did not help though!
Next day the tattoo artist started by my wrist. First 15 minutes – quite uncomfortable, 5/10. Later on up the arm it was manageable, although not the ‘’easy game easy life’’ manageable like the first day. I had to get my elbow surroundings also done, which was, eh, quite annoying, 6/10. Then there is this inner elbow ditch. Holy mother of god, that hurts properly! And there wasn’t even that big part of a surface to be worked on! I think this was more painful than the whole session the day before – combined! This is how i imagine the feeling of someone slowly cutting you with a scalpel. It was still survivable but hell, it burns!
https://i.redd.it/wtdm0ipw8eq31.jpg
The artist’s colleague approached me to ask whether i wanna order some food with them. I agreed and took the first thing that seemed edible, even though it had broccoli in it. It arrived in no time and – as the session was a bit shorter than the day before, i had to take only one break – the one for the color preparation. During this break, a sunburnt feeling on the whole arm now, i realized – if i thought i was starved yesterday, i had no idea. I still don’t have a clue how was it possible to just throw the food inside you, i even think i’ve never successfully consumed the whole broccoli piece with that pleasure!
Time for last part, painful painful painful – especially since it was my favourite area done again. Lukasz was so incredibly sweet – he apologized in advance when he approached my inner elbow again, i held tightly on my jumper and had my eyes closed, breathed through the discomfort and it listened to some amazing doom metal.
I can’t describe the feeling after it was over. On one hand it was the end of physical discomfort, yet…i felt so bad. It was over. End of conversations with the hardworking and gifted artists, sharing experiences, entering some new dimension, acknowledging a new form of art…all of that made my special trip, well…not only special but also very introspective and life changing. I did prove many things to myself, in addition. And the physical inconvenience was the least relevant chapter in it!
https://i.redd.it/vn4nre8r8eq31.jpg
Psychological response
What makes the whole concept even more fascinating is also the fact that humans react quite emotionally on the tattoing process, with all the befores and afters. I will sketch my experience.
As it was very thought through decision on my side – although some doubts regarding the extent of the placements and concerns about the elbow area – i made a firm conclustion on my side regarding the artist and the motive. I noticed there is a normal response called ‘’instant tattoo regret’’, where the mind reacts to the major change in your body even though it was planned for a long time. I was concerned about that as well. Similar to the major hairstle change etc. only, well, a bit more permanent, which makes mind even more panicky.
I myself did not feel any hint of regret. On the contrary! I fell straight into the honeymoon phase with my tattoo, that’s why in love i was. Still am! I stared at it every chance i had, on every reflective surface i get a glimpse of!
Yet what was not as usual was the strong tiredness and extreme hunger, as i mentioned. In addition to that, i felt…a little lost. In general. With my life! I suddenly felt like my tattoo was my only good choice i have ever made and had no more passion and no more will to travel anywhere – even to the holidays i planned straight after my sessions, Norway and Sweden. I felt a little detached, and not only straight after sessions, but days after. As if some parts of me died. Yet, like the tattoo symbolizes – death is not the end. It’s the new beginning. The irony of it, eh?
Thank you for reading this endless speech. I would only like to add that i do realize this is staying with me forever. I know that if i have the honor to get old – if the permanency of my tattoos will be my biggest issue, i will be one happy granny!
Cheers fellas and sorry for grammar, English is sadly not my native language :)
Submitted October 04, 2019 at 12:16AM by Salicornia https://ift.tt/30Oud8R
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