Dealing With Difficult In Laws. Am I being too harsh?

Back story:

My (29yr Male) husband's grandparents are obsessed with our daughter. She is 5. They can't go 1 week- LITERALLY - without seeing her. They constantly give us advice that starts with 'You need to do this or you have to do that." They frequntly send me (30yr Female) unsolicited parenting advice emails.

They have told her that Jesus doesn't like it when you paint your nails, cut or color your hair, get tattoos, or body mods period. (All of which I have)

My husband is not a confrontational person at all, and his idea of dealing with this has been to just talk to our daughter ourselves and not address 'The Grandparents.' I can be confrontational if provoked but I've remained silent out of respect for my husband's wishes and to try to keep the peace.

Over the last couple of years when our daughter makes a comment like that we usually turn it around and say, " No baby Jesus just doesn't like it when Pawpaw paints his nails" or something to that effect, because she would feel bad about wanting pink hair or blue nail polish.

Today was very different. My daughter has started asking about body parts and where babies come from etc. I have always told her the truth in a mature but age appropriate way. After hearing her refer to her vagina as her Teetee. I asked her why she called it that. She shut down. She did not want to say vagina or talk about it.

Thus started a very uncomfortable and infuriating conversation via email to 'The Grandparents'.

They have not responded, I just sent the email a couple of hours ago, I do expect a blow up of some sort and I'm mentally preparing for it, but I'd like to hear other opinions.

Please read the following and let me know if you think I was too harsh or should have said more maybe?

Email:

Today (my daughter) and I had a discussion on body parts and what is private. She got uncomfortable and didn't want to talk to me because I used 'bad words'

Let me be very clear: 

Vagina is NOT A BAD WORD. 

It is very important that (my daughter) feel like she can talk to me about anything. And because one or both of you decided to tell her that was a bad word she didn't want to talk to me. 

She will know the correct terms for her body and she will not be shamed for using them. If you can not handle that then we will have to have a different discussion. I will not tolerate either one of you undermining my parenting anymore. I love you both and I do not want to keep (my daughter) from you by any means; however, this has to stop. If you have a question about how (my husband) and I are raising OUR daughter then you can speak to us about it, do not just say and do whatever comes to mind.

It IS okay for her to paint her nails. It IS okay for her to have blue hair or pink hair or blond hair. It IS okay if she grows up and one day tells me she is a lesbian. I will love her and treat her with respect no matter what she decides to do with her life. 

 You are no one's judge. 

We are raising her to have a relationship with God, to be strong and independent and to one day be able to survive in this world without us because we won't always be here to coddle her. You may not like it but that's just tough, you've raised your kids. 

 I'm not doing this blindly. I pray. I research. I reach out to professionals as well as seek advice from experienced parents such as yourselves. 

You may not like that I have a different vocabulary, blue hair, tattoos, piercings, and animals but none of those make me a bad person or a terrible mother.  I am a Christian, and I do not believe that God will deny me entry to heaven because I decorate my body. This is just a vessel. The importance is heart and soul and how we treat other living beings. THAT is what I am teaching (my daughter).

Since you are both so fond of Mayo Clinic, I've attached a link to an article from their website describing the importance of teaching your children about their bodies and also how to talk to them about sex. Both are topics that (my husband) and I are responsible for teaching (my daughter). Not you. 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/in-depth/sex-education/art-20044104

Submitted October 04, 2019 at 01:21AM by love_rated https://ift.tt/2V9SzIV