I've spent the past four days trying to clean a 10'x8' bedroom shared by a 6 yr old and 9 yr old. Most of their messiest toys are out in the dining room (kits, kitchen play set, play dough, art stuff, legos, hotwheels). The bedroom is for everything else. Stuffed animals, girly stuff, big toys, transformers, Happy Meal Toys. I've got two drawers in a toy box, a vanity, a bookshelf, laundry bin, two plastic drawers, and four tupperwear containers that can slide under the bed.
I've found socks, underwear, candy wrappers, jelly beans, empty water bottles, in every container. Toys and garbage shoved under every piece of furniture. Toys broken, activity kits strewn about (an entire bottle of mineral oil leaked all over things), a freaking liquid hand soap dispenser in a box (???), expensive ear rings pounded into the carpet, books totally shoved wherever, more cards than I remember anyone buying them, erasers, art things, etc. The nice templates for her fashion dress up kit all destroyed and the different scenes for the nice lighting table all destroyed. Those squishy little toys that have been Easter basket and stocking stuffers? Ripped to shreds. Can I find her precious LOL dolls she begged for? What about those damnable Hatchimals that were vital to be had? Every chapstick, lotion bottle, nail polish I've tossed.
I adopted her and her older brother (14). Older brother keeps very clean and spartan. Helps around the house, does laundry and dishes. When they moved in they were 7 and 12, I had taught my son for a couple of years, fostered them, and got to adoption. She's always been a tiny little cave troll. We went on a trip out of state for my dad's funeral in 2018 and swapped rental cars. Both times under and around her booster seat were atrocious. We were in each car four days max and I can't comprehend how and where all the junk and filth comes from.
When the big kids first moved in I was on it, man. Cleaning every day and helping them keep it all in order. "This box is for cars, this box is for dress up toys, we clean up after we get something out." I've had some depression due to life events and health issues. I teach full time. My teenager wanted some Vbucks so it's like "You know what would help me above and beyond? Help organize that kid room for me. That was like four months ago. It was about four months before that I last went through and got it up into order. Apparently the big kid didn't do as quality job as I thought or I have the most destructive children in the world.
I'm trying to not be too mad (she is super restricted from tablet, computer, xbox, watching TV except at family meal times), but after a little bit in there I keep finding more and more destroyed stuff. I grew up really poor so it was super important for me as a mom to provide my kids with all the cool, good, engaging stuff I never got to have at home. It gets me so upset that I want to rip my hair out! I would've killed for an eighth of this shit as a kid. I was a messy little shit, but I kept my toys in the best condition. I still have most of my childhood toys because it was a rare thing that I'd get stuff.
She's almost 10 and it seems to be getting worse rather than better and I don't know what to do. She's great at school! Super helpful and organized, little needy teacher's pet. She was going to a small school that I was working at and my coworkers were driving me nuts giving her extra snacks, pulling her out of class to be a special helper, etc. She had snacks and would leave them in her backpack and say she forgot them/we ran out at home. I kept telling everyone of my coworkers to stop feeding her and they know me better than that, but she would mooch food off of them.
I know her foundational years were rough. I know being the middle child is rough. She is never bored. I think that's a huge part of it. My husband and I were both functional only children. His youngest sister is eight years older than he is and my sister and brother are 17 and 18 years older than me. She can't sit alone for more than five minutes, she needs another human to talk to, play with, etc. I've done a lot of research on the importance of making a kid experience boredom, it's so important for brain development. She was put in a bad foster home at 5 and at the end of 2nd grade was put into a group home for a few weeks before we got them. Those places are four walls, four beds, one drawer for clothes, and toys are few and far between. I don't want to turn our house into some kind of institution type place just to keep it orderly. Their previous foster family was trying hard to get both kids diagnosed with ADD/ADHD to get them put on medication and drugged up and easy to deal with. They had my oldest on some meds for Tourettes, but he's done great off of them at home and at school.
I feel like a shit mom and completely helpless. I'm the one with a degree in childhood development and education so my husband lets me rant/vent, but he's pretty bad at helping me keep things orderly. It breaks my heart to see the things our friends and family have gotten her treated like trash. Not just the monetary value of things, but the thought and heart behind the gifts. Her best friend's mom worked with me at our old school and every time she goes to spend the night she comes home with bags of hand me down clothes and toys, or they go to the second hand store and she gets more stuff.
Her love language is 100% receiving gifts and she thinks nice people are good people and she can trust them. It scares the crap out of me that the older she gets that she'll try to get negative attention from people out to hurt her. All kids are forbidden to accept gifts from kids at school, they do the, "Poor ol' me has had a hard life, I'll be your friend if you give me _____". I'm so distraught at the disrespect of property and manipulation. I don't know if there are actual steps or strategies I can try, but thank you for letting me rant. I feel like Sisyphus doesn't have anything on parents trying to keep their house neat and orderly.
Submitted July 06, 2019 at 07:30AM by MagistraCimorene https://ift.tt/2FWPWUp
No comments:
Post a Comment