Thank you for inviting me here, I'm so glad to have a place that actually gets me.

Thanks especially to the wonderful /u/kittenmommy for reaching out to me. She found me and a few others in a random thread about abuse through psychiatry. I never posted much in RBN because it always took so much background and explaining. I used to wish I had simply been beaten so I'd have a short, cut and dry explanation why my childhood was hell. Being held hostage for someone's emotional hang ups and grief is a silent prison, and if you're a bright kid it's even worse with people thinking nothing's wrong.

She took advantage of my natural caring and empathetic nature, broke up our family, and tried to alienate me from my Dad, that she betrayed. I didn't have family close to me growing up, on either side, and found myself naturally making some of those bonds with her (rare) friends. Then she'd do the typical BPD thing, find something to criticize about them, maybe even insult them to their face and dump them, leaving me without someone who was practically an aunt and uncle that I had known for years. I've had her former friend come to me crying how she judged and treated her (it was pure jealousy), and this woman was so nice and kind and fun, didn't deserve one iota. But everyone abandons her! Just like with her friends, she started suddenly devaluing me too, and trying to fuck up my life so I cut her out, at least 10 years ago.

I'm left with pretty bad PTSD and anxiety that I suffer with daily, and she used both medical and psychological things to control and abuse me. I was put on antidepressants in middle school because she wasn't there to guide me as a parent, that shit fucked me up and makes me feel horrible. No matter how many times I tell my docs and psychs that it was chemical abuse and doesn't fix anything, I keep getting re-traumatized having to go trough pills and pointless talk therapy again, but they ignore me. I'm trying so hard to value myself and am trying to get SSI, anyone else have severe chronic fatigue from PTSD/anxiety?

Okay, so before this gets too long I'll end with my cat pic, video okay? (Please forgive the language it's parody) Menchie Gang!

Menchie reminds me and my SO of our baby that passed 2 years ago, seeing her in Simply Nailogical's videos was a comforting surprise. Lastly, a little as to why I'd bring up a nail art youtube channel here: My hands are nearly identical to my dad's, I've always shied away from taking care of them because she'd point out constantly how my hands aren't 'normal'. Cristine reminded me that all hands are different and not to be hard on yourself expecting something different. My SO loves the channel too, and really likes supporting me and my self care. Now I like the way my very arched nail-beds look polished up, and SO even called them gorgeous today!

Thanks for reading through my barf, glad to be understood here.

Submitted June 23, 2019 at 06:26AM by Sparklepuff http://bit.ly/2X0YWm1