Rent was paid today and when I went to My roommate about getting his half, he went off on a tirade about how I’m an unappreciative lazy white rapper who deserves nothing. I don’t know how to respond or how to handle this.

First time poster on this sub, sorry for formatting as I’m on mobile. Normally a lurker. I’m sorry if this is too long.

My roommate (22/male/black) and I (23/male/white) have been friends for years. He’s a musician and rapper and I’m an artist and aspiring rapper and last year we moved in together as roommates with the goal of building a group of like minded artists to perform and collaborate together. This is important.

Fast forward to now. My roommate and I have had some tension for a while due to some lacking on my part. As a roommate I could be better. I’m not always the tidiest and I’ve been dealing with some pretty bad depression. It’s caused me to begin really not enjoying art and become a reclusive and lazy. This is also important.

Today our rent was paid and my account was overdrawn. The way we pay our rent, is he gives me cash for his half since he doesn’t really use cards, and I pay for the rent through my checking account. Problem is the past month or two, he has been going through some rough racist stuff at work and quit his job and got a job closer to where we live, only to start going through the same shit. So he quit again but they rehires him after meeting and talking with him. Don’t really know the details. So I have been fronting our bills in the meantime because I could kind of afford to. But so today, I asked him if he has any money to contribute towards rent because now I’m in the negative (make okay money but still live paycheck to paycheck) and he said no. Then the conversation went full on sideways and this is where I need help from strangers because I have no one I know who can help me with this.

Me:me. R: roommate

Me: (I had just asked what he could pay if anything, he said he has $4) fuck, well nothing we can do about it. R: You should try to start pushing yourself to do more art because you can easily be making money and if I had your laptop I’d be making shit all days and selling

The fact My girlfriend made $80 in 4 weeks from some basic ass paintings shows me that you can making hundreds of dollars a day making graphic designs but that’s on you because you have the equipment.

But in my opinion you have well over enough recourses to be making money every day compared to me.And I have to travel by foot or bus just to get somewhere and that takes up so much time compared to driving.

Me: Wait hold up, let’s address this quick.

Why am I being the one lectured about money? You just got a new job? You said yourself you were goin to be making good money at this job and getting paid weekly. Have you not had that many shifts? I am saying this in a genuinely curious tone, not anger or frustration. I’m just confused. I don’t fully know your work situation and what you went through.

I know you have been going through it hard with the various jobs due to racism. And I will never try to belittle that experience and how hard that can be. I’ll never understand it or fully experience that so I won’t try to make excuses. And I know you already didn’t make much money at the depot and you had to go through a rough transition to get out and get the new job. I get that. But at the end of the day you still have a responsibility. We signed this lease together.

Because man, You owe me 2 months of rent bills. If it weren’t for our how close we are and our friendship and the fact that if I weren’t fronting the ENTIRE rent bill because I care about us living together, we would be possibly getting evicted. I HATE trying to use money over people because it’s petty. It’s why I have put it off for 2 months. You can’t pin this all on me.

Yes. I make a good amount of money with my one job. Yes, this job currently is fucked because I don’t do anything. But I’m trying to get out of this department and get back to real work. If this job wasn’t easy, I would still be working 40 hours a week dude. I was working the exact same schedule when I was in sales and that was EXHAUSTING because it’s talking to a new person every 2 minutes man. So the second I switch to ANY other department, that changes entirely. I still only get 2 days off and I work 8.5 hours every day. On an hourly basis, I work a lot more than you do. I shouldn’t need a second job. If you think about it, I budgeted myself so well, I was able to front ALL of our bills for 2 months dude. And I didn’t have any money in a savings account! That’s rent, electricity, Internet, and gas! That’s pretty good! So In all honesty, I shouldn’t NEED second job or a side hustle.

R: We’re going to have to talk when you get home because you don’t work harder than me in any facet and that shit really offends me and pisses me off

Hours don’t equal effort in any way and you shouldn’t even be thinking about rap because you’re white and this isn’t your art or your culture so if you think I’m going to allow you be a rapper you are mistaken heavily so when you get home we’re going to talk about all of this

Me: I did not say i work harder. I apologize if that’s what it sounded like I said.

It was a bad comparison I admit. I was using hours to show that i work a lot and if it wasn’t for this current position, that doesn’t give me any work, I would be working my ass off like I was previously. You never saw me in sales. I worked my ass off day in and day out.

But I never said I worked harder than you and I apologize if that’s what it came across like I was saying . I acknowledge how hard you work compared to most every human. As for the rap, that’s really hurtful. I thought we were in this as brothers and creatives but if you don’t see me as equal or qualified due to my skin color, I don’t know what to say. I’m just kinda shocked. My whiteness has never been an issue before and I didn’t think that had anything to do with it. All I was saying was I currently enjoy rap over drawing, and now you say that? That makes it sound like the only reason I’m in this group at all is because I draw.

R: You’re at work more than I, you don’t put forth any efforts outside of your job to do anything other than to take care of yourself and you don’t even do that

You feed yourself, get yourself high and entertain yourself and pass out

You don’t help ANYONE other than Indica and your family

I’ve done nothing but help you and look out for you ever since you presented your show to me and I’ve done mountains of work over this year then you probably ever had as an artist

I don’t give a fuck about your feelings when it comes to Hip-Hop

You’re WHITE

THIS IS NOT FOR YOU

I told you to watch a Fucking Documentary for 4 months and you’re hurt about being a white rapper who doesn’t appreciate, respect or research an entire CULTURE THAT THE FOUNDING MEMBERS STILL WALK THIS EARTH HOW DO YOU THINK BLACK PEOPLE FEEL ABOUT KIDS LIKE YOU

YOU RAPE OUR CULTURE THAT HURTS

Fuck what youre on right now, you’ve crossed the line so many times in so many ways and the worst I’ve ever done was not have money because I won’t be TREATED LIKE A NIGGER

You’re fucking filthy, you’re selfish, you don’t respect SHARED SPACES, you make excuses, you complain about shit and do nothing, you waste away, you beat yourself up and I will NEVER work with someone with those standards

I’m a Fucking KING and I treat myself like one because I put the fucking work in, you put in some and waste the rest of your time being a lazy white kid and there’s nothing you can say to dispute that because I can hear you in the living room every day after 7:40

You talk about hurt when I have to live with someone who really thinks they can do whatever the fuck they want because they have a job and buy toilet paper

You’ve done NOTHING to earn a spot as a rapper

I ALLOW YOU TO.

I could be doing so much shit to you to make you feel like a black person, I can oppress you every single day, I can threaten you, I can HURT YOU

BUT I DON’T BECAUSE I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT PAIN IS

I AM OPPRESSED

I AM HATED

AND I MAKE SURE THE PEOPLE AROUND ME FEEL EMPOWERED BECAUSE I HAVE NONE IN THIS WORLD AS A 20 YEAR OLD BLACK MALE. You have NO idea how in the wrong you are right now and it is BECAUSE YOU ARE WHITE

And that’s it. I basically responded only to the laziness stuff because he is not wrong. I told him he hit the nail on the head. My depression has turned me into a husk if who I once was and I don’t do shit. I smoke weed and go to bed and my job doesn’t require me to work hardly at all aside from actually being at work. But everything else came so far out of left field, I just don’t know what to do or say or think. I know I’m lazy a lot but I at least thought I was a good ally towards folks of any minority. So I’m just hurt and lost.

Thank you to anyone that read the whole thing and is willing to give even a shred of advice.

Submitted June 10, 2019 at 09:36PM by pringlepingel http://bit.ly/2X3ztY4