I’m pretty good at things I do at school, I get straight A’s, I do art as a hobby and have an unhealthy obsession of needing some control over every aspect of my life. I’m not sure what it is exactly but it’s going downhill like crazy at the moment. I’ve lost all control over literally everything. My grades are dropping dramatically, my usually prefect room is so untidy it’s killing me (this may seem gross but I haven’t taken a shower in like a week) I’ve neglected all sorts of self care like washing my face, picking at my nails to the point where they bleed, some days I eat to the point where it’s not funny and other days I don’t eat at all and for the past three days I’ve lost motivation to do anything. I can’t focus on anything, I haven’t completed any art pieces, I just completely gave up on my exams and it just feels like a whole part of me has been ripped out. I don’t know why but it just feels so gross, and it’s happing more and more frequently. I’ve given up my frequent night cries where i silently scream at the ceiling because I just can’t be bothered. There’s no point in doing anything. I don’t want to have anything to do with anyone, I don’t want to talk to people, I don’t want to laugh or have fun, I don’t want to watch movies, I don’t want to read or draw, I don’t want to exist basically. I just sit there scrolling at aesthetic photos on Pinterest feeling nothing while listening to random songs. I was scrolling on Pinterest when I just lost motivation to do that too, I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to use my phone and the music which I usually adore and crave because it drowns our any sorts of noise I just couldn’t listen to it. I don’t know why I just couldn’t, I wanted to do something but everything was unsatisfying and unpleasant. It made me feel uneasy. I didn’t want to sleep either so I just sat there fore a while contemplating life decision. Then I realised something. I fucking HATE noise. Again I don’t know why but every time I hear someone tap their pen, scratch their mouth, talk, basically anything that makes sound I just want to leap out my chair and shove my fist down their throat. Now I’m not a violent person, I never have been, I don’t fancy hurting people and I’ve never done anything more than shove someone. But this... it just felt so...
Wrong
Everything feels wrong.
Why?
Why do I feel like I’m drowning?
Can someone tell me what.
What’s going on?
Submitted June 10, 2019 at 06:44PM by Boogey-Woogey http://bit.ly/2XAzqQA
No comments:
Post a Comment