I wanna wear black stiletto nails, I wanna wear Victorian-esque mesh shirts with the puffy sleeves and wear long eyelashes too the GODS and put on eyeshadow and take cute pics and post them on Instagram

But sometimes I can’t feel like myself. Because of others. “ fuck what people think” but I’m a gay 23 year old and even in 2019 I can’t even be myself. Ive boughten makeup. I’ve improvised by not going into a nail salon because of looks and my anxiety to achieve the nails and boughten gels and acrylics to do them myself. I really like the art aspect of makeup, I have a small makeup collection but everything has just collected dust. I’m jealous of the guys who can wear nails and makeup and just walk down the street in cute outfits just to buy coffee. I remember scrubbing my eyes really hard in my room so no makeup would stick on a Sunday night so my boss wouldn’t mention any eyeshadow Monday morning . My coworker would let me have some nail forms so I can practice the stiletto shape. I learned what highlighter was and bought Rihanna’s Trophy Wife a gold dramatic highlighter and wore it and saw myself in the mirror looking like an Egyptian goddess. Anyways I’m just rambling, I think I’m just still trying to figure myself out and trying to grow tougher skin.

Submitted June 15, 2019 at 11:49PM by anon123490ma http://bit.ly/2WIesmu