For the sake of context: I'm transgender (MtF). I've had a flawed surgery which left me in cosntant pain with deep scars around my privates. I struggle with body image issues all the time mostly due to how art, media as well as my own personal tastes.
I really despise my body for so many reasons. My inabiltiy to have kids. Inability to have penetrative sex. Can't rock cleavage. Can't wear dresses because of my broad shirts. Always self conscious about my crooked jaw and teeth. The constant pain.
I go to therapy because of this. Every two weeks. It keeps me afloat but I still cry and always envy my other friends. I can't imagine myself having sex because of that so I don't know how I can keep a relationship or fulfill my cravings for intimacy. And I am sick and tired of people telling me that my body is fine as it is.
"Just accept yourself" or "You should tell yourself you look great" or "Everybody thinks you look great". No, no, no and no. I can't accept myself because I'm surrounded my people telling me my body is rubbish. I'm terrified of disappointing my partner in bed. And I know the majority of people don't think I look fine otherwise my body type wouldn't be so distinctive from everything I see in the media and on magazines all the time. I am sick of this bullshit and the lies and I can barely keep this together anymore. I want to carve a huge "fuck you" in my skin with my nails because I cannot put up the charade of positive self-esteem anymore.
Submitted June 23, 2019 at 10:14PM by Larsus http://bit.ly/2J5HBhK
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