Awful housemates experience

I got reddit a few days ago so I'm still getting used to this, so if this is a bit rough then let me know.

So, I started Uni last year, just completed 1 out of 4 years of my concept art course. I lived at Uni accommodation from September to January with several other people. I left prematurely because I realised I was having my life torn apart by my house"mates". Everything was going ok for the first week or so, I was emotional here and there because I found I wasnt settling in as easy as I thought I would. This led to me having a breakdown and my HMs (housemates) coming to me and promising to my face, "we will always be here for you, and we will never hurt you".

After too many times of being hurt in the past this made me hold on to my house mates like they were family, and that they were finally real, genuine friends I can trust.

I was wrong, of course. As the next few months placed me into the lowest I've ever been. One of my housemates had formed a relationship with someone, she was basically my neighbor with her room being right next to mine, so this led to pretty much every single night hearing; loud TV playing till 2am, loud screaming (and I mean loud), loud sex till 4am....all before my alarm for 6am.

This was every night. And no, I was too afraid to ask them to be quieter because remember, they were my family and I had in my mind that they could do anything to me, and if I did anything wrong they would hate me (me being a shitty combination of severe trust issues and abandonment issues, it's not great)

This would be weekdays when I had several hours of lectures the next day, and it continued to the point where I would force myself to stay up till 4am so I knew when to sleep. My other HMs were very noisy aswell, even if it was 11am on a Tuesday when I was just trying to get assignments done. So this brings me into the cleanliness issues, which basically means my HMs would piss/shit all over the toilet and not flush, leave plates for days with mouldy food, not take out the trash etc. This got to a point where I took it upon myself to clean up everyone's mess. Because remember, I wouldn't want to upset them. It even escalated to the point where I had been at the library all day, and they would post on the chat how someone had "made a mess", and then try to pin the blame on me. It fucking sucked.

I wanted to do anything to please them, i was always kind and treated them all the time, providing for them, making sure one of their birthday parties went acordding to plan...

but that feeling started to fade when it became a common occurrence with me being purposefully left out of events/days out/parties. It was hard to hear everyone's door being knocked except money when they were being asked to come out. This led to me becoming more, and more isolated. So much that I blames myself for being a failure and 'not enough'for them'. This led to me not leaving my room to eat, because I knew I would see them in the kitchen and it terrified me. I only got by with occasional trips to the local shop to get bread and busiciots I could live off for several days.

My mom became worried as she noticed I lost weight, but I just passed it off as "feeling unwell, not hungry". She knew I wasnt right.

This wasnt the worst thing they did however, that came when they decided to do the worst thing behind my back and hoping to get away with it. Long story short, met a girl on a night out, we became friends, and then closer, until soon I asked if I could kiss her, this was my first kiss btw, so it meant so much to me. I'd never found love before so I was so happy it was unreal. This led me to become more confident and start being around my housemates more, and putting aside everything they'd done to me. After about a week of us being together, she messaged me saying abruptly that she wasnt ready for a relationship (this was at like 2am). It hurt but at the time I knew we could still be friends and it felt good to look back and remember the time we spent together, although it was short...

My house had a group chat which I left several weeks ago after becoming emotionally distant which led to me cutting myself off. I rejoined the chat 2 or 3 weeks after my (sort of) ex spilt, I scrolled through to see what I had missed, and what I saw was just the nail in the coffin, it was my ex kissing someone else on a night out on the night she told me we couldn't be together, and my HMs had made this a joke, they'd made memes about it, and kept it as an inside joke between them. After confronting them about this, they were unaware and tried to act like nothing was wrong. I locked myself away for 2 days where I didnt sleep/eat/go to study/, until I finally broke and just packed up and left one morning. I've never been happier now knowing that they're out of my lives.

And to think, I blamed myself, and thought I wasnt enough for them.

Submitted June 08, 2019 at 07:08PM by DefinedByDema http://bit.ly/2EZBnPe