It Is Okay To Draw Fire: An essay on self-respect

Hi!

Thanks to some of you who reached out to me this morning, as I was going through a tough break-up. I put some thoughts down yesterday on my blog...I just needed to vent. Here's the article with the cool formatting, and here's below the essay (I'm talking about a video in the essay, it's on the blog)

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It's okay to be you

SOMETIMES IT'S OKAY TO DRAW FIRE

An essay on self-respect

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Ah! The 20s is the time where boundaries get established on what you allow and what you refuse in your life.

“If something else feels true for you, then do that. I really don’t think the details matter. What matters is the practice, the commitment to living your truth. The results are worth it. I wish that for you. ”

— LOVING YOURSELF LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT book

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Woke up this morning. Made coffee. Wrote this post. Needed to share with my readers (this blog went from a thousand page a month view to 15k a month, go figure).

My partner and I decided to end our relationship for various reasons. It’s all for the best anyway. I did a rigorous assessment of who I was and what I was doing with my life in the last month.

I’m in a very nice cabin, lost in the middle of nowhere in northern Canada. Think is what I do. Thinking about thinking. And that thinking led me to a few clear realization: I can’t deal with an overdramatic, Borderline-Personality-Disorder girlfriend and give her the attention she needs. Maybe she’s not full BDP, and certainly not psycho, but red flags were there since the start. I started paying attention to these flags. I saw her as a broken individual and could not trust her, towards the end of the relationship. I wanted to see it as the Queen of the Universe at the beginning. Robert Greene wrote once “Look at people’s deeds, not words”. This is a fundamental truth. It isn’t what you think you are that matters, it’s what other says you are. You can think the world of you, but if the world think you are a looser…chances are that you are. It’s so shockingly simple. So I lost interested and devotion for her soul, after two breakups. Life Pro Tips: When you go through TWO breakups after 3 months of dating, it means that’s over. Don’t even try. We were crazy for each other, and passion trumped rationality. Oh well. A 26 years old boy is a 26 years old boy. Anyway.

I agree: one has to have the ability to step over what people think of them to get better in life, and fight this match with all they got. I am aware of one enemy that I deliberately made on Earth yesterday morning. Let’s call him Kiss. Kiss started going hard after my girlfriend. No big deal, right? She’s 29, he’s 47. But I couldn’t help but feel so morally insulted that she was giving him the attention he wanted, for weeks. From tarot reading session, to answer his weird creepy texts, to not defending her partner (me) when he insulted me, to going spend time with his person…

And it all blew up with three words. Go fuck yourself.

All my failures, all my fear, all the pressure in the world got out. Go fuck yourself, Kiss.

You see, when a man talks badly about you in your back to your (now ex-) girlfriend, such as when he suggested her to leave me, to tell me “go fuck yourself” on a Facebook discussion, when boundaries are pushed, it’s okay to let yourself be.

It is okay. To fell the anger. To let go of it.

This essay gets it: Why Telling People To Go Fuck Themselves Is Good For Your Mental Health. Like, yes. Any 30, 40, 50 years old man suggesting my partner to leave me because they want to be in her bed will have to face a wall of resistance. That wall of resistance is rarely a “sir, you lacked respect about me while I was away and you invade my partner and I’s space. Please, stay out.”

It does not often happen that way. It did not anyway, not last morning. I decided to act on the knowledge I had of his words against my integrity and to draw clear boundaries. To answer my ex-partner: Yes, the intention was the one of polarizing his detachment of outcome and purity of intention as a Man.

You see, the idea behind polarization is to get the gist of the essence of someone. You get to know the character of a man very well when you tell him in his face what he told about you in your back to someone you loved.

In the best case, he apologizes for his words of defamation. In the worst case, he double-downs and want to physically assault you.

The video below is the conversation we had. I yessir’d and rogered my way out of it, for fear of personal attack. His fists were clenched and ready to get used. He drove to my property to let his vomit out. I made sure to have my smartphone recording. Crazy is crazy and sometimes there’s no limit to it. You see, when you tell the world or someone to go fuck himself, you are signalling that he lost 100% of the power over you: They have no more power over you. And when that person is an alcoholic man living by himself in the middle of nowhere and hasn’t fucked a hot babe in years, well, the result can be dramatic.

Calling people on their bullshit is a risky business, but what world have we lived that we liked better? Anyway, enough blahblah, here’s a video to put in context.

The point is this: Sometimes it is okay to draw boundaries loud and clear. Someone talks about you negatively in your back for no other reason that they want to get in your gilfriend’s panties? That girlfriend does play along and does not take your side because she wants to manipulate him for having him give her his truck for the summer?

Guess what, it’s okay to call bullshit and tell em to go fuck themselves.

Someone’s cheating on you? He or She can go fuck themselves. You can walk away without saying a word, but if that’s really satisfying? There’s a deep, positive satisfaction coming from a well-placed (and well-deserved) go-play-in-the-traffic. Jocko Willink from the Jocko Podcast would probably have suggested me to say nothing and just let it be. What is there to gain in shocking another person? Not much. There’s never going to be a good outcome when you decide to burn a bridge with another human, that’s what we’ve been fed. I tell you what: it sure shows the character of someone.

It isn’t like I haven’t read Krishna or Shambala or oblivious to the higher dimensional realm of things. Sometimes, you are perfectly human too. I read The Dichotomy of Leadership by Jocko and Extreme Ownership. The 50th Law by Robert Greene and 50 Cents. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson. And like 400 other books on the nature of human being. One has to use words to create a world, to make the world into a reality. Words of love and peace are awesome. I’m just over it. My GAFF is low these days. Give A Fuck Factor. It’s very hard to find the motivation to give a fuck about her or him. If she was ready to manipulate him to love her so she can have a pick-up, what was she doing to manipulate me? Therefore, Zero Fucks were Given and I walked away of the relationship. She was the sweetest girl on the planet, which is unfortunate. It truly is. I walked away from a beautiful flower because she required too much water daily, too much attention. Any couple should spend 24/7 with the other in a remote cabin for a month, before getting married. You get to know your partner very well. Too well. And chances are that it is not going to work.

Back to the break-up drama. Here’s an interesting fact: when presented this video to her, she took his side, and look at me like I was out of my mind for telling her “provider-of-vehicule” to go fuck himself. “But, JP, what were your intention by saying to another man to gfh?” Hahahahaha.

Want to know something, dear luminous being if you ever read this article? I let myself be. I let my personality to be freely expressed. A man simply trash talking me to someone dear to my heart will face verbal consequence. The nice thing about having money and Knowledge is that you can set yourself off the pendulum of people. You have the power to dictate who can come in your game and who needs to fuck-off. That’s the only power you have in the game of life: The power to change things.

And when a grown man, I’m talking 47 years old man, can’t accept the fact that a 27 years old man has a nice car and things going for him because he worked for it, not because he has rich parents, he might just get back the same words he used against me. Karma.

When your partner find it morally right to manipulate a man to get a material thing, it’s okay to walk away from her. When manipulation and lies enter the sacred ground of relationship, it’s time to leave.

There’s no negotiation with this.

There’s no redemption from a perverted heart.

YOU choose what kind of people you want in your life. With this whole post-modernism way of thinking, where there’s no clear right and wrong, let me tell you that there is. Lying is wrong for it shows a lack of love. Manipulating a man-in-love to get a material thing is morally reprehensible. There are consequences for every words you say. There’s little love in covert-manipulation-tactics.

You don’t test an umbrella in the sunshine, and so you don’t test a relationship when money flows and bright days are there. Our relationship failed three times: Twice in extreme remote location, and one time in Asia while travelling. Passion is not reason enough to pursue a Long Term Relationship. Affinities need to be there. Friendships too. Here’s one that I thought I knew: Sharing the same fundamental core values, such as family, life-after-death, kids or no kids, stealing or not stealing.

Every lie she told me did put a nail on the coffin on the relationships. There are some lies that I discovered by myself, without her realizing. I cannot go further with a liar: how can you have a joint bank account or a car or kids together and the other lies about a thing like it is no big deals? To the people in relationships out there, let me warn you: Lying is the quickest way to kill a relationship. She could not understand why I could not trust her: Yet, she lied to me about pretty fucking big things.

I have a policy in life and I will go back to it. Three strikes and it’s out. Maybe I’m too generous. I learned a lot, a whole lot in this relationship. It does not of her a lesser girl in her game of life, but in mine, it totally does.

Set your boundaries and respect yourself by walking away from people that do not share the same worldview.

Life is too short for drama.

Thank you for reading, I needed to share.

Submitted May 15, 2019 at 11:50PM by brftjp http://bit.ly/2Q3P04k