How do you know?

It seems like most people around me my age just know what they are doing or are doing what they wanted to do in high school. Meanwhile I have just been doing minimum wage jobs like waitressing or being a cashier at some gas station. Struggling hardly making any money. Trying to be an “adult” and pay my bills and yet somehow have some sort of life find some sort of way to be happy without really being able to travel which is hard because my family lives in different states because I can’t afford to. Or go “ out on the town” because I can’t really afford to. Don’t get me wrong I’m “happy” being at home in my apartment that I can barley pay for.. because it’s mine. But I am bored and find myself a bit envious of young woman like me who just have the world handed to them or who use a man to give them whatever they want. I’d like to go out and have some fun but I also know I need food to eat. And I can’t do both. Nope not this week... not next week... not if I work a bunch of double shifts and waste my life energy making somebody else rich just to make $3 an hour waitressing for everybody else who can afford to go out to restaurants and eat. It’s pretty depressing but I know that I did this. This is my life and the decisions I made have led me down the end job road. I went to cosmetology school and graduated with a license in 2008. As an excited proud fresh out of school 18year old kid I began working at a salon. The salon was not doing well at all. I wasn’t making enough money to provide for myself. So I went back to old faithful! The local gas station that I worked at since I was 13. And just kind of let my cosmetology license slip through my hands.. a couple years later I decided I have to do somthing to make more money I have to go back to school. So I went to dental assistant school. Then I had a terrible period one day that never went away for an entire month. One morning I woke up and could barely walk. I crawled to the bathtub and climbed in it and just hung my head and arms over the side and cried until my boyfriend came in and immediately took me to the hospital. I was pregnant but not having a baby. I had a tubal pregnancy. Resulting in surgery to remove the fetus including the entire left Fallopian tube. They say you can get pregnant again but most likely will result in miscarriages which is exactly what happened twice. I never went back to school. I stayed stuck in the dead end job that “payed the bills”. Now at this point I am 29 years old. I have no children. And I still have a dead end job that barely lets me pay my bills.. and I don’t know what to do. I make art paintings, I refurbish furniture, I do hair and nails, I’m crafty and creative but I can’t make money doing any of this. I have no outlet. Let alone have extra money to buy supplies. I feel trapped and lost and I don’t know the answers to fix it. I just want to know.. how do you know? How do you know what to do? How can you be happy?

Submitted May 15, 2019 at 10:42PM by LifeLostorFound http://bit.ly/2JGyNkj