Hi guys! 24, F here. Ever since freshman year college (I was 17 then), I’ve always seen myself as having two speeds— the first one is I’m super sociable and productive and going out all the time and then I crash and I’m in this state of incredible burn out.
I wouldn’t say I’m depressed cause I feel like I’m generally a happy person and I don’t have suicidal thoughts. I would just feel very lethargic and tired as fuck and I would feel like the vitality has been sucked from life, everything is more gray, i lose interest in what I usually love to do and I’m on a kind of autopilot. I lose months just lazing around binge watching. And i sleep early because I’m always so exhausted and I wake up still exhausted even though I didn’t do anything the whole day.
Before, those “crashes” tended to always take me by surprise but now I’ve come to recognize when the crash is about to come so lately, they’ve been less intense. My last period of being uber productive was around a few months ago: I completed a personal project in a week, working around 12 hours a day and barely sleeping.
I’m an artist so I usually base my productivity on whether I produce art or not. I love when I’m in my productive phases cause I get SO MUCH done and I feel on top of the world, all girlboss like, I feel like I’m going to be very successful and the future is bright and my self esteem and optimism are at their highest. During these times, I also find it very hard to shut up my brain and I usually also can’t sleep or sleep when the sun is up.
Anyway, asking this now because today, I feel like I’m getting out from one of those “crashes”/low periods. Today, I cleaned my room, started painting again and almost signed up for a sketchwalk in Hanoi, Vietnam (I don’t live in Vietnam). I started planning for all these new personal projects which I am excited to start but I’m getting sick of having to account for and expect the crash a few months later.
A friend who was diagnosed with bipolar 2 once told me that it was hard—not knowing if it’s just being burned out or if it’s something else.
So I was just wondering if this is normal? Or if this is something you guys experienced prior to being diagnosed?
Do I just need to nail a better work-life balance?? Cause I really just want consistency 😭
Submitted May 22, 2019 at 08:15PM by chellirey http://bit.ly/2M58AyL
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