Patch notes for April 1st, 2019

Hello! Last year I wrote a joke set of patch notes for April Fools, in the style of other MMOs like WoW and GW. They proved quite popular, so I wanted to try it again this year.

Playable Content

[2.X] To ensure that new players will be able to enjoy the story of Castrum Meridianum and the Praetorium, the events in both duties will now be told entirely through cutscenes.\*

\Due to technical limitations, both duties will still require 8 players to queue in.*

[5.X] Players who pre-ordered Shadowbringers can now select the Viera and Hrothgar races.

Upon registering the pre-order code for FINAL FANTASY XIV: Shadowbringers to your service account, the Viera and the Hrothgar will be selectable races when creating new characters, editing your character's appearance using fantasia, or hiring a retainer.

Housing

[3.X] A new residential district has been added to Ishgard, called "Coerthas Eastern Highlands".

In order to qualify for a house in this new district, players will have to change their last name to one of the high houses of Ishgard.

The Manderville Gold Saucer

[2.X] Air Force One has been adjusted as follows:

During the bonus round, players may instead be moved to a solo duty where they have to regain control of the airship from dangerous insurgents.

[2.X] The GATE "Any Way the Wind Blows" has been adjusted as follows:

Players may now use skills that prevent knockbacks.

[2.X] In preparation for the crossover event with Final Fantasy XV, all MGP rewards in the Manderville Gold Saucer have been temporarly reduced by 99%.

The rewards will be restored to their original values when the event goes live. We want to ensure that people get the intended experience when we add special prizes for the event to the Manderville Gold Saucer.

Battle System

[2.X][3.X][4.X] Actions and traits have been adjusted as follows:

Gladiator / Paladin

Action	Adjustment
Passage of Arms	Passage of Arms will now also allow the passage of legs.
Savage Blade	The name of this skill will now change depending on the difficulty of the current duty.
Flash	Due to security concerns, the name of this skill has been changed to "Javascript".
Total Eclipse	Using this skill in the duty "Castrum Fluminis" during Selenomancy will now turn the entire floor dark.

Marauder / Warrior

Action	Adjustment
Vengeance	Repeated use of this skill will change its name to "Revengeance".
Equilibrium	This skill is now rewarded upon completion of the duty "Containment Bay P1T6".
Shake It Off	Changed name to "Shake Your Booty".
Unchained	Added effect: "Usage removes all tethering effects."

Dark Knight

Please ensure that you have Dark Knight at level 70 for the Shadowbringers expansion, as it is the only way to experience the expansion as intended.

Action	Adjustment
Dark Arts	Added "Dark Arts Effect: Changes skill to Darker Arts." Added "Darker Arts Effect: Changes skill to Darkest Arts."
Salted Earth	Casting this ability on a Garden Patch will now destroy all plants currently growing in it. Added "Darkest Arts Effect: Deals damage with a potency of 75 to any allies who enter."
The Blackest Night	Added "Darkest Arts Effect: Plays the Shadowbringers theme song when full 20% (10%) is absorbed."
Living Dead	Changed name to "OVERKILL's The Living Dead". Added "Darkest Arts Effect: While under the effects of Walking Dead, you will perform /hildibrand emote".
Dark Mind	Usage of this skill will post a link to your Tumblr blog in the party chat.
Sole Survivor	Added "Darkest Arts Effect: Restores 100% of your maximum HP and MP if you're the last party member alive."

Pugilist / Monk

Action	Adjustment
Howling Strike	Awooooooooooo!
Form Shift	You can no longer use this skill before you finish filling out the form, unless you are under the effects of Perfect Balance.
Steel Peak	This skill is renamed to "Steal Peak" after you level Rogue to lvl 30.
Boot Shine	Added effect: "Earn 10 gil when used on an enemy currently wearing boots."

Lancer / Dragoon

Action	Adjustment
Fang and Claw	In accordance with the lack of fangs and claws, the name of this skill will change to "Tooth and Nail", unless the player character is a Hrothgar.
Spineshatter Dive	If attack fails to hit its target, your spine will shatter instead.
Sonic Thrust	In preparation for the new expansion Shadowbringers, the name fo this skill has been changed to "Shadow Thrust".
Elusive Jump	To save time, using this skill in a trial without walls will now instantly kill you.

Rogue / Ninja

Action	Adjustment
Hide	Bosses will now have to count to 10 before you can use this ability.
Hellfrog Medium	Visit your nearest inn to upgrade this skill to a Hellfrog Large.
Trick Attack	Changed name to "Tricky Dick".
Armor Crush	Girls and guys in heavy plate armor <3

Samurai

To save time, when a Samurai joins a party, it will instantly disband.

Action	Adjustment
Midare Setsugekka	Potency has been doubled.
Third Eye	Usage of this ability will transform the player character into a Garlean.
Yukikaze	Usage of this skill will now summon a battleship.
Ageha	Usage of this skill will now make your character burst into dance.
Meditate	This skill can now only be used after you were asked a question. Hmm, let me meditate on that...

Archer / Bard

Using "Army's Paeon", "Mage's Ballad" or "Foe Requiem" will now bring up the Performance interface. Players will have to hit the notes specified or the skill effect will end early.

Action	Adjustment
Battle Voice	Usage of this skill will now require you to scream in your microphone.
Iron Jaws	Play a 4/4 string ostinato in D minor.
Army's Paeon	Can now only be used if you show me your war face first. Raaaaaaaah!
Pitch Perfect	This skill can now only be used if you screamed in perfect pitch during Battle Voice.

Machinist

In preparation for the new expansion Shadowbringers, Machinist has been renamed to "Gunmaker".

Action	Adjustment
Slug Shot	Added effect: "Afflicts target with Heavy."
Bishop Autoturret	Added "Hypercharge Effect: Turret will repeatedly cast Holy."
Cooldown	Because it was inaccurate, name has been changed to "GCD".

Thaumaturge / Black Mage

Action	Adjustment
Freeze	Using this skill will make it easier for guards to arrest you.
Ley Lines	Skill description has been updated to more accurately reflect that you will be targeted by all mechanics while this ability is active.
Sharpcast	Ow I think I cut myself.
Foul	If you cast this spell three times within one battle, you will be disqualified.

Arcanist / Summoner

After completing the level 70 Summoner quest "An Art for the Living", Summoners may now talk to Y'mhitra in Old Gridania to undertake quests to unlock additional egis, each with their own unique abilities.

Please note that you cannot undertake an egi quest until you have beaten its corresponding primal.

In accordance with these changes, Summoner is now a Limited Job.

Action	Adjustment
Tri-Disaster	Added effect: "Randomly affects three of your party members with Doom."
Painflare	Causes your foe to fall to the ground with flaring back pains.
Wyrmwave	The fantasy alternative to Synthwave.

Red Mage

Action	Adjustment
Displacement	Skill effect has been changed to "Fall into the nearest pit and die" to more accurately reflect the nature of this ability.
Acceleration	Added effect: "Inflicts self with Haste."
Zwerchhau	This skill can now only be used when the player character is a Lalafell.
Scatter	Usage will now randomly spread your party members across the map.

Conjurer / White Mage

We accidentally washed White Mage together with Red Mage. In accordance with this, White Mage has been renamed to Pink Mage.

Action	Adjustment
Repose	Forces target to use the /changepose command.
Asylum	If there is a Dark Knight in your party, the name of this ability will change to "Arkham Asylum".
Medica & Medica II	Casting these spells will now use the MP of other party members.

Scholar

Scholar has been renamed to "Nerd".

Action	Adjustment
Chain Stratagem	Effect ends early if a nearby Warrior uses "Unchained".
Succor	Skill can now only be used after pulling a prank on another party member.
Broil & Broil II	These skills can now also be used as a Culinarian

Astrologian

You may now forge Social Links with certain NPCs in the world to unlock additional arcana.

Action	Adjustment
Minor Arcana	You cannot use this ability while in the possession of booze.
Collective Unconscious	Afflicts all allies who enter the area of effect with "Sleep".
The Arrow	Changes target ally into a Bard.
The Spear	Changes target ally into a Dragoon
The Bole	Changes target ally into a Botanist.
Gravity	Added effect: "Summons Sandra Bullock."

​

Blue Mage

In preparation for the expansion Shadowbringers, the level cap of Blue Mage has been raised to 80.

Action	Adjustment
1000 Needles	This skill can now also be used as a Weaver.
Bad Breath	This skill can now only be used after consuming any type of dish that involved onions.
Mighty Guard	Usage of this skill will now cause your character to utter the word "Justice!". The name of this skill has been changed to "All Might Guard" in accordance with this change.
Glower	I have special eyes

​

The following issues have been addressed.

• An issue wherein certain jobs did more damage than other jobs.
• An issue wherein tanks could spend most of a fight in their DPS stance.
• An issue wherein Blue Mages were unable to enter the Palace of the Dead.
• An issue in Eureka Pagos wherein the elevators to take people back up the cliffs did not spawn.
• An issue in Eureka Pyros wherein the sleeping dragons spawned in locations that were easy to avoid.
• An issue wherein bad players kept joining your parties.
• An issue wherein the Leveling Roulette would sometimes queue players up for a dungeon other than Sastasha.
• An issue wherein the Thirteenth was incorrectly referred to as the "World of Darkness".

​

Known issues

• An issue wherein it is impossible to create a male Viera.
• An issue wherein Fishers can catch items that are not fish.
• An issue wherein Shadowbringers has not yet been released.

Submitted April 01, 2019 at 10:40PM by Ricotez https://ift.tt/2Vb1kS9