I (F40+, cis, het-flexible, 'queer') am born female, happy with that, but have a hormone disorder. Don't feel as "womanly" as I did before my hormones went all out of whack. Now I guess you'd call me a tomboy? I'm pretty happy with my life as I am, that's not the problem.
The problem is that I'm uncomfortable around girly girls. I'll never be that pretty or glamorous, not that I'd EVER want to. I can't stand fussing over my appearance... I barely remember to brush my hair some mornings. I guess this is due to the years of working in offices with executives. I worked for the worst industries. When I saw what they do I learned to hate them, and I hate them so much more now. I was sooooooo glad to be able to get out of Boardrooms and C-Suites and such, Suits make me itch. It's so much time and energy and waste to make a front that's bullshit: every one of those people were awful on the inside. It's gotten worse since #metoo forced me to acknowledge how crappy the Patriarchal Bargain really is.
Unfortunately that means I can't chill around transwomen. I have no problem with them otherwise -- I dated quite a few from every corner of the trans community, learned from every one of them (mostly that I'm not stable enough to partner with them, thanks Dad!). Then I rejected all the gender-role crap society tried to push onto me and discovered my hormone thing. So now transwomen are in the same category as het gussied-up women to me. Done up, gorgeous, primped, nails-hair-clothes-perfume... ugh.
I can speculate as to three reasons for this. They're simultaneously better than I'll ever be at womaning (I'm jealous maybe, certainly intimidated), they conform to beauty standards that I revile, and the fact that they had to work for something I got by accident of birth (guilty maybe?). I really want to like and be comfortable around trans ladies again -- the other fancy women wouldn't want to hang with me anyway -- but I just can't. For instance, I'd love to try the local Physical Therapist my partner goes to, but she's so gorgeous and put together I just can't even relax my shoulders around her. It's just... ugh.
I love hanging out in art studios, slinging paint with other ladies and being awesome, so I don't have a problem with women themselves. No problem with transmen either; nor any other flavor of the LGBTQ+ spectrum. I just can't relax around girly girls, which unfortunately includes trans ladies, and that seems... kinda shitty. I also miss hanging out with them, and those conversations and relationships were some of my most cherished so that hurts. Does that make me an asshole? Should I try to get over it? How can I do that? ... Would I have to try to be OK around Suits and such (cue retching)?
tl;dr : I hate US female beauty standards rabidly for my own good reasons. Unfortunately this makes me uncomfortable around local trans women, whom I have always enjoyed hanging with before. What can I do?
P.S., please let me know if my terminology is off anywhere, I'm an oooooold SJW. :)
Submitted March 23, 2019 at 10:52PM by ppttthrowaway https://ift.tt/2Fvq1mJ
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