As every aspiring screenwriter, having spent months of hard work and dedication - outlining, writing, rewriting... starting anew... drafting, re-drafting... an endless cycle - I figured I'd get into the ring with the big fish.
I wanted to see where I'd chart in terms of a professional assessment. Needless to say, as the title says, I assume you realize what I'm trying to say. As many of you had your hopes up, so did I... I expected a high grade.
Not really what I got.
So here I am... turning to my fellow redditors for their thoughts. I figured I'd post my evaluation without the overall score. As you might know, the selection bias is strong in this field of interest, therefore I think it's better to reveal the overall score a few days after submitting this thread, precluding it from occurring and giving enough time to those who are interested to read the script (if any)...
All I'm trying to point out is that I was hoping that an open mind to new ideas, different storylines and unconventional approach would be present to a higher degree in evaluation process. At least a bit.... I was wrong. The thing that strikes me the most in BlackList evaluation process is the discrepancy between the comments and the score, such as praising the exact same component that later goes on to receive a low grade.
For what it's worth: this is not an usual type of call-out and diss on BlackList you may find on this subreddit. I'm just pointing out the the role that subjectivity may play in evaluations. I gave the reader a 5/5 on his/her review.
Let me know what you think. Share your thoughts. All in good spirit!
So here it is:
SELF-MIRRORED (Psychological Thriller)
REVIEW
Era Contemporary
Locations Urban
Budgets Low
Genre Mystery & Suspense, Psychological Thriller
Logline A horrific car crash that puts his girlfriend Alicia in a coma has Jared reeling; as he pieces together the bits of his life he meets a literal reflection of himself and starts walking the tightrope between a true cosmic clarity and a psychotic break.
Strengths The script certainly has a great deal of thematic grounding, and the writer has clearly gone the extra mile to dig in to a psychological exploration of memory and time and philosophical experience in general. Starting the script with a lecture at an art gallery effectively sets this tone and allows for the explicit stating of some of the themes. It also presents the protagonist in an interesting light where his focus and grounding in the real world (if not his sanity) is questioned basically from the get go. As the script gets moving, it does a good job of allowing some of the aesthetics to shine through, particular visual metaphors like the polaroid photograph stand in effectively for Jared's mental experience -- a piece of the past is captured, but in an ambiguous way as the lens flare distorts Alicia's face. Similar visual motifs, whether it's the posture of a statue mirroring the posture of The Other, or the way art is unveiled the way memory can be are certainly a strength of the script. While the screen direction is occasionally excessive in terms of its descriptions and its prose, it may also prove to be very attractive to a certain kind of filmmaker or actor, and give them the right kind of emotional launching pad to provide an effective collaboration.
Weaknesses Ultimately the script is tough to nail down. Moody voiceover about the nature of art and symbolism sets a very cerebral and thematic tone, but undercuts the potential for a compelling thriller. Jared, while certainly in danger of suffering some sort of nervous breakdown or psychotic break, is never in physical danger. The stakes of the film are all in Jared's mind, and while that can be made to be compelling (a la Black Swan for instance) it might be worth considering manifesting that mental danger in a physical component -- even if it's just a metaphor. The script could also simply have more plot, something to reflect the inner journey Jared is going through. Whether it be an A-story, something is in jeopardy at the art gallery, or another similar goal, or even if Alicia were in physical danger (or was a physical threat), events that stand in for the internal journey would help bring the story out of Jared's internal experience and make it more cinematic. This dovetails with the pacing -- the accident that serves as catalyst for most of the story comes well towards the end of act one -- if it arrived earlier, not only would it make for more mystery on the audience's part (if the didn't know Alicia well, perhaps they would more closely share Jared's paranoia and wonder at her identity) and it would allow for further plot lines.
Prospects: In its current state, the script will have a tough time making it to the big screen. While it certainly checks a lot of boxes for doppelganger psychological thrillers and has the potential to execute within that genre, it's etherial, philosophical quality ventures perhaps too far into the intangible without a corresponding grounded component in terms of the story. The script as it stands could be shot on a relatively low budget, something that will be a boon to the script's future. Maintaining that low budget will be important to remember in the rewriting process. Enhancing and defining the female roles is also an area the script could improve in -- even though Alicia and Emily are meant to reflect one another, it might be worth considering deepening and complicating other female characters to widen the audience. As it is, they are all in Jared's orbit, and all seem to be sexual objects of his desire at one point or another. It might be worth considering looking at different production and finance companies that exist in this genre space (A24 among others) as potential collaborators, or even offering it to an A-list actor that might enjoy flexing their muscles by playing two sides of the same coin.
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Submitted July 28, 2018 at 08:41PM by Feellikemagix1 https://ift.tt/2mOGoAE
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