black hole
noun
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Astronomy. a theoretical massive object, formed at the beginning of the universe or by the gravitational collapse of a star exploding as a supernova, whose gravitational field is so intense that no electromagnetic radiation can escape.
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Figurative. any usually wretched place of imprisonment or confinement.
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Colloquial. a place you can never, ever ever leave.
A black hole draws you in, and all the faster if you don't fight it. I've felt its draw my whole life.
You see, I'm someone who's always been told they could do great things in life. To misquote Picasso: if I were a soldier, I'd become a general; if I were a priest, I'd become pope. I could have aimed for art, or science, or acting or any number of other ventures and not just achieved success, but thrived. But the black hole was always there, sucking me in, pulling me back harder than I could fight it.
A black hole has an event horizon: the point of no return, the final threshold beyond which there is no escape.
Today I cross the event horizon, knowingly and willingly.
It started with a post online: Moth seeking Flame, I called it. I got a few answers, mostly guys looking for light D/S with snuggles, or a fuckbunny that would call them Daddy. I went with the latter almost exclusively, but never for more than two, ahem, dates before shrugging them off. They were just the garden variety chauvinists or control freaks. They didn't think I was a person to begin with, so they had no clue just how much I wanted them to take from me. No understanding of the significance of what I wanted.
And then I met you. You got it. You were careful to ask questions about me. You wanted to know who I was. You wanted to know what I'd done, who I knew, what interested me, and most of all why. And when I answered "Because for me there's nothing else," you made the offer I'd been waiting to hear since I had my first orgasm.
Another thing about black holes: nobody knows what happens to something that slips inside one. Maybe the big stuff - time dilation, gravitational weirdness, and so on - but actual observable occurrences? There's no way of knowing what happens inside it. Not a single way.
I took my bike to get here - easy to dispose of, less effort required on your part. I'm wearing a blue T-shirt and jeans. They hang loosely on me, like a coat on a rack, my thin frame the result of years of smoking and an on-and-off relationship with myriad eating disorders. I might have tried to dress up, but you said it wouldn't matter: you'd be getting rid of it all anyway. All I'll have left is my pale, lightly freckled skin and my strawberry blonde pixie cut.
You made it clear what would happen the moment I set foot inside your home. There would be no safewords. No way of bailing out. If I didn't want to do this, all I would have to do is not show up. But if I did show up, that would be the end of me. One way or another, I would never leave your possession alive. By accepting your offer, I was letting go of my future. There would be no success for me. No personal glory. No fame, no money, no family, no life. I would have no right to comfort, dignity, safety, consent, sanity or personhood. Only your plans for me, left tantalizingly nebulous. A black hole I could finally throw myself into.
In my pocket is all my personal identification: birth certificate, social security card, government ID, medical information; everything that could prove who I am, that might remind me that I'm capable of autonomy.
My heart is pounding as I fish the documents out of my pocket. I'm queasy - I might throw up, the stress is so intense. The taste of copper fills my mouth. A sinus headache is piercing my brain like a nail in a coffin.
One last breath. One last chance to turn around. One last chance at being me.
I knock on your door, and that's that.
Kinks (all optional) include domestic servitude, petplay, anal (gods yes), oral worship, extreme insertions, modification (tattoos, piercings, surgery, amputation), vore/cannibalism, bondage, mind breaking, cruelty, objectification, humiliation, facesitting, sizeplay, choking/breathplay (sleeper holds are yum), large/older/athletic partners, chubby female partners, catsuits that only show eyes and mouth (and perhaps a few other choice holes), bestiality, captivity and bad ends/snuff.
Limits are scat and gore.
Make me disappear.
Submitted December 04, 2019 at 03:02AM by PrettyKittySpark https://ift.tt/2sI6ITq
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