This is going to be a long one, I'm really sorry.
So my mother in law is a passive aggressive religious nut. When my husband and i were first dating, she was really sweet to me. There were some issue with my home life and she welcomed me into their home. And then things started going downhill. She walked in on us having sex one night (this was after we were engaged) and flipped out. Told me i had ruined my then fiance's life, that she should have known i was a slut by the way i dressed (which was ridiculous as i wore jeans and jerseys every day, and I had never been with anyone other than my then fiance). She eventually calmed down, apologised for the way she reacted, but things were never right again. She started getting more and more passive aggressive towards me, and everything i did she seemed to see as an issue. I got a new job, she started with belittling comments about it. My husband and i got married, she decided to take control of the day, to the point that i had to take family off of the limited guest list because she insisted a friend of her sister's be invited. That got to me, because i only had two aunts at the time (all of my uncles had died shortlt after my dad died) and they were both unwell. One of them died a week after the guest list changed, and the other was hospitalised from the shock. I still feel guilty.
I had paid for my mother in law to come to the day spa where my bridesmaids and i were to have her hair and makeup done by my stylist along with my own mother, and she insisted on staying at the venue to "keep and eye on things" despite my asking her not to as it was under control. When i got to the venue, she had changed things around to suit her, and it was too late to change it back. I decided to just let it go.
Then after our honeymoon, we had our first heartbreaking moment; i fell pregnant. I have chronic pain from nerve damage, and i had been getting steadily worse. I had gone to a doctor for a prescription of stronger meds, and she ran a routine pregnancy test only for it to come back positive. At my first check up we found out that my body was beginning to reject it (i won't pretend to know enough about medicine to know how that works, she tried to explain but i was too in my head after that). I was told that if i continued on with the pregnancy that there was a high chance that both of us would die. So after much deliberation and check ups and secons opinions, we decided to abort to save me. It broke my heart, and i spent the week before my appointment crying my heart out for this little thing. And when i told my mother in law about the situation, she asked me to rather let it live. I told her that it would kill me, and that the baby might not even survive until term anyway, she told me that science doesn't know everything. Now, I'm Christian myself, i know that there are times when science can't explain miracles. However, i had been spotting for weeks, i had been in agonising pain since the honeymoon, and my heart had been shattered a hundred times fornthis situation. And she sat there and disregarded my life for what was then a clump of cells barely big to see with the naked eye.
At the doctor's appointment, i was told that there was no heartbeat. I had miscarried, but it hadn't detached. If i had left it, i would have gone into sepsis. I continued on with the abortion to remove my already miscarried baby, and it broke me. I took off time from work, my darling of a husband was an absolute angel throughout this whole thing, but my mother in law would come in while i was lying in pain and absolute misery just to look at me, shake her head and walk out. I just wanted to scream at her, to make her realise that i didn't want thi either, but she seemed to be more concerned about the fetus than me.
After that, i ended up leaving my job. My mother in law's dogs had puppies (that's a whole other story) which i ended up solely taking care of until they were adopted, and i started work in a nail salon. It seemed weird tonour friends that i went from working in a lab, to an office, to a nail salon, but its easier on my body and its actually kind of fun. Helps that I'm really close friends to the woman i work with. My mother in law has now taken up reading about how bad gel is for hands, and how nail art is for...well...stupid people. How nail artists cause infections and problems.
Honestly, there is more to get into, but those are the main points. And it has been building and building and building. I don't know what else to do, but plan for a move to Canada at this point. Every time we bring it up, however, she cries and tells my husband that i want to get him away from her.
To be clear, my husband is an entirely different person. He's so loving and kind, and so patient about my problems. He does know about the things his mother has done directly to me, but he doesn't fully understand the extent that she has taken it with regards to undermining me at every opportunity. He doesn't see what she's doing, even when she does it in front of him. I've tried talking to him about it, but i get the same answer that i get from all of his siblings; "she's just like that, its the Van Rooyen blood". We want to move to Canada. We have family there, and its further away from his mother.
At this point, i don't know how to deal with her. I don't know how to deal with the situation. We live with his parents because we had some financial problems, but we are making plans to move out as soon as possible. She keeps trying to claim our things for her own use, and she cries whenever we bring up moving out and my husband ends up having to console her. Now, whenever we talk about moving out, the moment she starts crying i leave the room. I don't know how to handle it without losing it. She's made it clear that i don't mean anything to her, and I'm beyond trying to earn her affection anymore. What do i do?
Submitted November 08, 2019 at 08:10AM by Bunny_Canon https://ift.tt/2roNwte
No comments:
Post a Comment