I think about brutal murder a lot.. like a lot.

Okay, this will be my first post... great start to Reddit.

Short bio- I am female, medium height (5'9), green eyes, waist-long brown hair with colorful highlights behind my ears, almost perfect student, folk/symphonic metal/country/ K-Pop/instumental/J-pop fan, gamer, artist (guitar, painting, hairstyling etc.), fun to be around and very lucky (according to the people around me) and a very big animal lover.

I don't sound like a murderer, do I? That's why my friends and I joke that I am a reverse serial killer - I have a GREAT family that I love very much, there's no one fanatically religious in my (known) family, was never hit by my parents ever, could NEVER hurt an animal (most serial killers start by abusing, torturing and killing small animals), I have been bullied before but that's old, have never suffered with any serious mental issues (depression, PTSD, suicidal thoughts or anything similar) and I value human life (AKA my family, some children (I believe that they are like animals- need protection, to be taught properly and that physical punishment is never the answer) some elders and like 10% of humanity's adults.

And then there's the other me- being a vengeful bitch, making elaborate plans on where the best spot to bury a body is, knowing how to chemically dissolve a body, looking for recipes for home-made lethal poison (and almost deciding to give it to someone), imagining how I rip out someone's nails, strangle them or kidnap and torture them only to pretend to not know anything when asked if I knew the victim, wondering what cutting into flesh feels like ect. I always tell others that I would never feel guilty if I actually killed someone and I am actually afraid that's true, though I would never hurt or attack someone I don't even know, it will most likely be revenge for something.

I'm writing this confession in hopes of convincing my own subconsciousness to never think of of doing that, that it's not normal or the answer, no matter how big of a dick someone was to me. And to remind you, the reader, to be wary of other people, that even the nice, kind, funny and friendly girl next to you can have the darkest, most gruesome and horrible thoughts and you should never bully or be a dick to someone because you never know when they might snap and if you are first...

Edit: Someone mentioned that I feel the need to look and feel "edgy". Just to clear things up - I have studied martial arts, wear mostly black (has only t-shirts and tank tops, even in winter), have a pretty dark sense of humor and overall my actual personality is pretty strange but I have very close and dear friends that understand me, so I'm not a "cute, artsy gamer girl uwu" but I'm also not an "anarchist who wants to watch the world burn, humanity die and who thinks that our existence is meaningless and that Ted Bundy was a great person". I like to think that I am a healthy mix of both.

Submitted November 21, 2019 at 01:12AM by Mermaid_Hair_Lady https://ift.tt/2r8XPS2