Guide on how to get a girlfriend (from a guy edition)

Hey guys, I read this recent guide by /u/k6398 on how to get a gf from a woman's perspective. IMO the guide does a phenomenal job on covering the basics. If you haven't read it, take a look, because everything she says is on point. I thought that as a moderately successful young guy, and from someone who did well with the ladies when I was in High school/College, that I may be able to expand on a few things. Here is some pointers on how to actively go about being more available to the ladies and to stand out from the noise that is the general pubescent crowd.

Disclaimer: This is not here to help you snag a girlfriend just for the sake of getting another notch on your belt or help you increase the amount of phone numbers you want to collect. This is for the genuine guy who wants to find a best friend in the opposite sex (or same sex, not discriminating! although I'm not so sure I'd be the best resource for that!) with only good intentions and reciprocal love.

Notice how I say it that way (being more available/standing out) and not "tips and tricks to getting a girlfriend". This guide is more of enhancing whats already you and not manufacturing a method to "catch" a girlfriend. It is more so to help sharpen skills that you already have as a human being. There is no shortcut or "trick" in having someone genuinely be interested to date you and be your best friend.

1. Open a line of communication. If you like a girl, find a reason to talk to her, or better yet, find any valid reason to interact with her. I don't mean to come up with a pickup line and go in for the kill, and I don't mean to approach her in a way that leads her to believe right away that you're interested in her. One of my favorite quotes is from Nintendo's Shigeru Miyamoto: "Cats are interesting. They’re kind of like girls. If they come and talk to you, it’s great. If you go and talk to them, sometimes it doesn’t turn out so well." This is an understatement. They're skeptical and cautious as to who they let into their safe space (and for good reason! us guys are at baseline a collective bunch of assholes!). What I mean by finding a valid reason for interaction is try to find something to relate to or some common ground. This is such a simple and effective way to let a girl know that you're approachable. For example, it can be as simple as passing by a girl who is studying in Starbucks, and letting her know with a half smile that you think her Red Hot Chili Peppers sticker on her computer is awesome, and then sitting yourself across the room. This is a stupid example but opening lines of communication with something non-threatening and not weird or too personal is the key. Or, If they are reading a book you read, try to find a way to work that into your approach. This is strictly meant to open up lines of communication. This isn't meant to get a positive reaction from a girl. She may smile and say thanks, She may not even bat an eyelash at you, her reaction is really irrelevant at this point, you just want to make yourself available/approachable. After you come and go with a smile and a relatable comment, there is a good chance they'll sit and think about that interaction for a bit, and the bonus is that she may even give you some glances from across the room. Remember Miyamoto, talking to a girl might go well, it might not. Don't try harder than you should and don't press the issue. The key is to be aloof. Treat the conversation like you would any friend. Don't be on the offensive and don't try "hitting" on her too hard. I know this may be difficult when all you want to do is flirt. You want to establish a good rapport with the lady. Do NOT be upset if you are not getting the reaction that you want.
2. Truly understand the concept of being a good listener. Master this art. I grew up sandwhiched in between sisters. Passively, I was able to learn the nuances of how they spoke, how they thought, and how they reacted to things. I may sound like women are of a different species right now, but to be honest, I have had friends who grew up with only brothers and their macho/bravado/stereotypical guy mannerisms got in the way of creating basic friendships with women. They found it hard to relate and hold conversations with them. It isn't easy to put into words on how to better communicate with women but I think that if you make it your goal to have more conversations with women who you're not trying to flirt with, it will improve your conversing skills with them. When I was in High school and asked for some pointers from my older sister, she suggested I make the conversation about her. I think this is a good idea for guys who have trouble making conversation- ask questions! I might get some flack about this but I think in general girls like to talk, and if you make them talk, you're having a conversation! Be interested, prove than you have a lending ear. Know when to give advice and when to just listen and support. Learn to empathize. Strengthen your emotional intelligence.
3. Once you have a decent rapport with a girl, make her smile. It's really that simple. Whether you're a funny guy and you're able to take advantage of that skill or if you can, find ways to compliment her by noticing something that isn't easily noticeable outright. To expand, I don't mean to compliment how pretty she is or how that shirt makes her look hot- I'm talking about something you might really appreciate. Did she raise a good point in a class discussion that you noticed? Does she have a cool style and would help you pick out a gift for your sister/aunt/cousin? (Bonus- that also works for the "open up lines of communication" pointer). Don't compliment with the intention of receiving anything back. Be sincere.
4. Work on Yourself. Hygiene and self care is obvious and I won't go into too much detail there. Wear deodorant, shower, cut your nails, take pride in the way you look. I'm not talking about a complete makeover, rather constant basic maintenance here and there. Fix yourself up to make yourself FEEL attractive. (I tweeze my unibrow every 3 days, otherwise I would have one and I just don't like the look.) Walk and conduct yourself with a purpose. Portray confidence. These are all attainable by the mere efforts of trying to improve yourself. One of the best ways you can achieve this is by going to the gym. It works on a multidimensional field. Yes it improves your physical appearance, but it vastly improves your mental health, your attitude, your confidence, and your overall well being just as much, if not MORE. Don't make the mistake of thinking that this is a shallow attempt for shallow results and that guys who workout are idiot meatheads who want to look good. Working out takes discipline, moving around heavy weight is hard f-cking work. Getting up and consistently getting your lazy ass to the gym takes dedication and determination. People pick up on this. There is a respect for people who put in hard work and come out succeeding. I picked the gym example because there's no way to fake it. The results speak for themselves. The results are an abundance of confidence, routine, diligence, self respect, healthy diet, which are all sexy af. The physical fitness is just the added bonus.

I can probably think of a few other things but I'm getting tired. Questions concerns comments are welcomed. Peace out, and goodluck!

Submitted November 10, 2019 at 12:22PM by SFWreddits https://ift.tt/32z0rW8