An unstable start to the furry fandom doomed me from the beginning, I could never get a solid identity as my cougar fursona, I ended up being associated with the name Wayne which associates me with my past in far-right politics. I was formerly hlovell and Northern-Fury on Furaffinity and Sofurry, and I'll never be a part of the furry fandom again. Everyone's moved on from me, just like my remaining friends and family are as well. I'm alone. I'm a sinking ship. There is nothing left for me to be but to destroy my life and everything around me, there's no pieces to make another broken mosaic out of my failure of a life and my prison of a body and mind.
I should have waited until I was 20 or 21 to join the furry fandom instead of when I was 15.
Coulda been your Furry Trevor but you all fucked me over and made me the scapegoat. So I'm happy to be the villain, because being good or nice is completely useless and only enables more pieces of shit like I chose to be.
In some way, this is kind of like my suicide note too. I constantly want to attack security and nurses at Foothills Hospital here in Calgary, I fucking hate the city, and I fucking hate the human race I'd rather live in a log cabin out in the woods before I start attacking people and worse. I fucking hate humanity, and if everyone was furry and anthro, the racism and bigrotry would be even worse.
Ralph Belachuk is dead, and only his inner beast remains. Me. And I'm permanently fucking mad all the fucking time.
I don't give a fuck anymore. I got people to call out, myself included. I've got literally nothing left to lose, I'm completely alone and ready to die, so here's my nuclear bombshell to drop on everyone I thought I could love but couldn't because you all scapegoated me as a problem when I just wanted to be able to love and trust again because going to the psych ward over a dozen times since I was 12 was just turning into a form of insanity. There is no help. Even being incarcerated for life wouldn't be any different from the rage and sadness and emptiness I can never escape from, which completely destroyed every single one of my virtues. I'm done, I reached my limit on what I can tolerate just like you all reached your limit on how to tolerate me, so fuck you all.
WackyCamper, you pretended to be friendly with me, up until you started picking on me for being weak and immature without giving me any real ways, comparing me to that scumbag Grimm. I'm sorry I slandered you as a rapist, but maybe you should do yourself a favour and apologize and reconcile with TheWorldFamousIC. I don't give a fuck that you're a traumatized military veteran. You're simply just another product of America's fascist culture, just another ratfuck meathead who got duped into the military because it runs your country into the ground, and as a result you're just another bloated waste of tax money waiting to die otherwise in your shitty little trailer blighting Montana's natural scenery like the worthless trailer trash you were doomed to be from the start.
WorldFamousIC, if I have a diaper and ageplay fetish and how you constantly slandered me as a manchild for the pettiest reasons, I wonder why your own sister ended up digging her nails into you when you still lived with her? If I'm into ageplay, you've raped women and molested your own sister while blackout drunk, because you're just a sad and scared and empty little girl trapped inside a grown man's body, dying inside because you know you're just as broken and narcissistic and emotionally unstable and fucked up as your piece of shit father was. You're never gonna be the woman you wanted to be... why else would you commission yourself fucking your female twin, or clone as you say. That's like your own repressed incestuous thoughts towards your sister and maybe your mom too. Sweet home California.
And then your dumb trashy Orange County ass wonder why I turned into the Canadian GG Allin.
Lei-Lani, I thought you truly gave a fuck about me, until I realized how all your nice and sugary language is coated with venom because you're still a sad little girl yourself. You're still getting raped every single day, because as much as you pretend to be a part of a rebel movement, you also directly support the same tyrants in government and corporations that want to take power from the people. You want people to give up their power as if the people that run American society, of which you're a spoiled-ass cunt that's a part of the upper class, you're just another MK-Ultra'd Monarched mind-slave like most of the furry fandom. That's why your mind's split in at least 3 into Kalea, Leilani, and Malana. What the fuck is with your tunnel vision with guns anyways? I bet you got illegal shit in your life and a bunch of skeletons in the closet and expect the cops to protect you. I bet if George Romero still had a conscious form after death, he'd be disappointed by how much of a spoiled whore and a manipulative brat you became.
Telling me I was making no effort to better myself when I'm struggling to shower and brush my teeth or even go to the store to get cigarettes and booze and food and all that.
I miss Kalea. I miss being able to talk with her in the midst of my psychotic episodes, but you think of yourself as always needing to follow the law no matter how stupid it is. You got tunnel vision, Leilani, and you're too narcissistic to ever be able to gracefully accept when you're wrong and you got wrong info, you'd rather cling to your old superstitions and fallacies, you let my pet octopus as Ralph Belachuk get killed and eaten. His name was Paul. Then you let French authorities burn my cannabis plants even though that was the only thing keeping me away from meth and alcohol back in the 1930s, I'm multidimensional, you thought you saw me but you only saw my projection. That's why I raped Malana and you, and went on a rampage and raped and molested and murdered and butchered all manner of US Navy sailors, Royal Navy sailors, tried to start a war between America and Britain and France, and abducted your children and ate them like Albert Fish, and killed all manner of men and women and their children across Tahiti and dragged them into the jungle and into the ocean to defile them completely. Make fur and leather out of their pelts, glue and broth out of their bones, and delicious food out of their meat, and all sorts of uses for their body and remains just like the Peigan and Nakoda tribes taught me when I was at St. Anne's Residential School.
Kalea was the only part of you that truly understood me, but I lost that, and I have nothing left to live for, and nothing left to lose.
Then there's Ocathain~Art... I fucking loved you. Freya was my soul mate and you killed her off instead of getting her another partner, even though I want to beat IC's head in and shove his balls down his throat, I would have been able to accept TheWorldFamousIC or whoever the fuck being her new partner instead of me. I wanted to be the father I never could be and impregnate Freya with Dryden, but that's just another crushed dream and hope like all the others.
Now you're just another brainwashed ratfuck meathead, parrotting defending the Constitution and all other All-American lies when in reality you're becoming in every single way as much of a fascist dictator like the rest of the military-industrial complex. You had school shooter fantasies in high school and college, and you still fantasize about killing off most of the world population through military conflict, so you're in every single way as much of a piece of shit like the royal families and paedophile billionaires and politicians you worship and fight for, and you're also a slave of the Catholic Church. Bet your stepdaughter's gonna make nice adrenochrome on the Washington DC Beltway. =)
You taught me that love and trust is a waste, and that family and friends are expendable. I groped nurses in the psych ward, that's why I'm a sex offender. I gave up on ever being able to get professional help after the 13th hospitalization back in 2018. You're just a wannabe Viking manbaby looking for Uncle Sam to give you the direction you're too much of a pussy to find yourself for your life. You wanna be a king and make that your life goal? That's why you're destined to be a slave, you're just Trump's buttboy now you little bitch. I fucking hate you all, you're gonna get kindlier shafted even worse than I already have, you'll get your humble pie too, cunt.
You're just living proof the military and government only exist to enslave humanity and suck the souls out of everyone, you'd rather be a drone because it's the only way you can live with yourself, because you'll eventually become as depraved as me once your stepdaughter's threatened by the same politicians and aristocrats you fight on the behalf of. You're blue-blooded as fuck because you're just a miserable little boy that wants his own castle, wants to be above the law so you can get away with your own sadism, because you're just like the rest of your broken and dysfunctional clan.
And Ironwing-Kaiser? Fuck you and the rest of your friends and family for goddamn eternity. You wanna be someone's therapist? Don't fucking accuse them of misery poker like you did to me because I had no idea the bird guy lost his girlfriend and got butthurt because I thought I could trust you and him, trust you with what's bothering me without it becoming a compariosn contest like you scapegoated me and threw me under the bus for. and then you scapegoat me as the bad guy and destroy all the trust I had left not just in the furry fandom, but in EVERYONE. I can't even trust my own friends and family, I just wanted to be loved and accepted but you thrust me back into pure fucking hatred for everyone because of how you betrayed me, and you'll never own up to that, you're just a coward that will double down that I was the bad guy playing misery poker and threatening people without even bothering to give a thought as to why I'm that way.
It wasn't so hard for you to disown me. You were just sarcastically channeling the Imaginary Friends cartoon to mock how immature you see me, just more malice coated in sugar. You just see me as a worthless psychotic manchild, just like everyone scapegoated me as.
I went to furry conventions, you were all polite to my face but then whining about how bad I smelled behind my back and how much of a neckbeard and a creep I was without reminding me to shave or giving me advice on how I can socially better myself, you just corralled me into with all the creeps, and you warped my mind just as badly as organized religion and politics did as well.
You all fucked me up, it's not all my fault, so take some responsibility yourselves. You destroyed my trust and faith and hope in everyone because several of you were like family to me.
And now I'm just "that guy" for eternity, you'll never live it down, so why should I live your betrayals down? fuck you all.
I'll see you all in Hell, tossers.
Submitted October 05, 2019 at 07:34AM by Wojak-Horseman https://ift.tt/358KI2H
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