To the meth addict that had lived downstairs

There are many things I dont fully understand, but i understood you. Your name was Matt.

I knew it was going to be a bad day (and I was right). The weather had been acting up. I have only ever seen it storm like that once since I've lived here, and the day that I caught the plane it had stormed like that again, so severely that I was still wet when I got to moms house 7 hours later. I pulled an all nighter that day but just a few hours earlier it had been clear skies and I watched the sunrise (it was stunning by the way). It was an hour on the train and I was almost to the airport until I got a text saying it was delayed until TOMORROW due to the storms. I still got to the airport and was scrambling trying to find a way to get there. It ended up being 4 hours of waiting and a 2 hour car ride that she had to make to get me from a different, bigger airport (I'm sorry about that mom).

The day I got back a week later I knew it was going to be strange too. The weather was acting up, and I was right. I opened the door of the uber and literally the first thing I saw was your body bag. It was stormy that day too.

I had only talked to you once. I saw you from my porch sometimes on your electric longboard skating down the street but I had never talked to you before and didnt even know you did meth until my neighbor told me.

One day I saw you scraped up and sitting on your board bleeding 3 floors down. The only time we ever got the chance to talk, although your windows were always open. One time heard you watching Parks and Recreation which is a show I like too. When I saw you bleeding outside I asked "hey man, do you want neosporin, hydrogen peroxide, or some bandaids?" You said no. I would have too, and that might be why I related to you so much. You were just so pale..

I know I couldnt have, but I wanted to save you.

It was a rough day when I found out you died for a lot of reasons. I hopped out of the uber after the flight I took where i was so tired that i woke up to a flight attendant shaking me awake since everyone had gotten off the plane already. Someone said "hey, some girl is still asleep in the back", she seemed like a sweet lady and I shuffled out as fast as I could. I've never had that happen before and damn I slept hard (im sorry lady btw). My phone slid out of my pocket in the uber that day. I didnt get it back for 7 hours, it took a lot of emails and me running through town and calling from strangers phones to get it back. I mean it was irritating all stacked up on top of one another, but that wasnt what made that day bad.

I didn't know your name until I went outside to look for my phone on the ground. I saw the building manager and he was looking for something, so, I asked (he was looking for the paramedics). I didnt know you were 39, you looked a lot younger. All he really said was "drugs are bad". He did give me an age and a name though.

They're remodeling your place right now and the windows are open again. Yesterday I walked by and they were carrying out lots of wooden beams. I asked them if they were just going in the dumpster and they said yes so I asked if I could have a few of them, so now I have 5 wooden beams filled with lots of nails sitting on my porch. I'm an artist so that's what I'm going to use them for. I have a sink sitting out there too. I'm sort of scared. I dont know if those beams being in my place are an omen or something but I'll keep them around and make some art from them. I want at least a part of you to be preserved. I hope you think that's an okay thing to do, not the preservation because obviously you always will be in my mind and the minds of others, but I sort of feel like I took something. I really really hope that's not how you would feel, and if you do, please forgive me. I'm going to do something with them (of which I'm not sure yet), take a picture, and bury them. They wont go in the dump.

I'm sorry I couldnt save you. I dont think anybody could. I dont know why the world is constantly at war. I dont know why there is famine in other countries when there is a surplus of food here, but there are still children starving and living in poverty here too. I dont know a lot of things and I'm trying to piece them together but this letter is getting long and I'm getting off topic.

I do know why you went out the way you did, and I'm sorry it turned out like that. We arent the same size, but we have similar shoes. My words here are messy but at the moment I am too. I would visit you but I dont know the cemetary you're buried in. Since I talked to you I havent been able to stop thinking about you and it's even more so now that you're gone. I'm so sorry I couldnt help you. I would have.

I'm glad I know your name.

I dont know the point of all this.. but if anybody wants to talk about existance or ghosts? I'd love a chat and I have some thoughts.

Submitted October 04, 2019 at 11:31PM by tothepeopleinmylife https://ift.tt/2LMTxb2