I know that the enneagram is motivations based and I relate more to the 4 than I do the 9, but here goes!
• Most people see me as a bright, kind of quiet person that never has a bad day because I smile a lot. But on the inside I am a very emotional person and those who know me well have called me overly sensitive and they actually meant it in a harsh way but I took it as a compliment. I also take things very personally... especially when I’m depressed and overthinking.
• I don’t like conflict when it’s directed at me but sometimes I’ll jump in on some political conflicts because I like to be independent. Yet sometimes I doubt that it’s my true self because I mainly learned those opinions when I was trying to get the attention of a girl that I liked and I just fully adopted those beliefs.... but I also like to be “Out of the box” with my opinions.
• I LOVE the creative arts! I started out as an actor and I LOVED that I got amazing compliments for my gift, but then I discovered poetry and drawing/painting and aesthetic photography... I love it all!
• I HATE feeling numb. That, along with the panic of not knowing who you are, are the two worst feelings in the world.
• I need a connection. By that I mean this; I went through an AMAZING time about a year ago where I felt 100% myself. Whenever I would listen to music, I would literally get lost in it like a trance. I would then be inspired to write poetry. I would also be inspired by anything—sometimes I would even look at a tree and start to cry. But as of right now, I haven’t felt that connection and it is literal torture! It seems very simple and odd, but it is depressing.
• I love the fact that most people see me as sunshine and rainbows because it sets me apart from most “masculine” guys. I also grew up watching football and sometimes still do but I low key don’t want to like it because it’s very basic.
• I am a very aesthetic person. That means I need music with my mood! Not only that but I also change feelings with the weather. When it’s spring/summer, I’m a free-spirited hippie. But when it’s fall/winter I’m a deep feeling, weird coffee shop visiting hipster.
• I want to be weird, and I literally tell the students I teach that being weird is the best thing in the world and I encourage them to be themselves. My family and friends also know my favorite saying is “You do you, and I’ll do me.” but like, I also want people to like me (ENFP’s know what I mean).
• My biggest and deepest desire is simply to be myself.... but I’m still trying to discover who that is.
• This seems off subject, but I feel like it’s on so I’m going to say it. I was the youngest child and by most stereotypes, I should be the most spoiled—and my brother still says I was. But I was always jealous of him because people RAVED about how he was just so unique. He loved fashion, he always cried (in a sensitive good way), he loves plants and more.... I always felt like I was overlooked and that my family only liked me because I was peaceful and would do whatever they wanted. I started quietly fishing for sympathy and played the victim ALL THE TIME to see if they would notice me, but it never happened. I ended up getting really depressed... then the cycle continued by me telling my mom about my depression and self-harm and she basically told me not to do it... it shocked me. I also had a GIANT crush on a girl and wanted to ask her out but I always felt out of her league, so I would just try to be different in a way so that she would notice me.... During that time, I discovered more about myself than ever because I lost myself to get her, then I realized I was lost, so then I had to find myself and that’s when I did I discovered my sunflowers, sunshine and rainbow side of me... which I love! Now I’m lost again lol
• This is an ENFP trait, but I have a hard time saying no. I can’t stand to disappoint people. However, if it’s someone that I’m REALLY close to, then I can say no with more ease.
I’ve been really out of touch with myself, and I hate it! So that’s why I’m really trying to nail down which one I am. Honestly, I really want to be a 4 because I see them as the best type and I relate to their core but just because I want to does t mean I am... that’s why I have you guys. Anyway, to sum it up in one sentence, I want to be a unique person who is fully comfortable being himself, but also who wants to be liked. 😂
Submitted October 25, 2019 at 09:59AM by Dillonnyle https://ift.tt/2p2M27j
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