The Coral Sigh-lands

hOi, today we will have a look at the Coral Highlands and the lil bitches that live there

I'll include kirin with the elders when I get around to that, and Odo in the vale HERE WE FUCKIN GO

• Tzitzi-Ya-Ku: The walking seizure, helmet baby, Randall from monsters inc-head-ass flash bang spamming eggplant Disney channel dickhead who invites himself into every fight I’m in against ACTUAL monsters and tries to do everything his 9 IQ on a good day brain can handle to make me stop moving, this monster was specifically designed to get in the fuckin way, I want to load you up into a cannon and fire you into Snorah-Dragdaros mouth. When I break your head and you try to flash me anyway and can’t anymore it’s the most satisfying thing, because your ONE stupid gimmick, the only thing that gives you anything unique or any sort of self value is G O N E. Without that you are literally a worse, dumber, uglier Kulu Ya Ku, at least Kulu Ya Ku was stupid first, he’s known for being stupid, and he’s fucking better at it. You can’t do anything right, you can’t even be annoying effectively because the devs thought so little of your entire ass design half of the time you end up flashing directly into a wall. I hope you go home and get all dressed up for prom, go to look in the mirror, fucking sneeze and flash yourself blind.

• Paolumu: Polar bear puff ball cotton swab fluff nugget ferret bounce fruitcake. You are hands down without question the least intimidating thing on this entire fucking planet. The amount of times I’ve seen you, considered volleyball spiking you face first into the floor and then decided you aren’t worth my sharpness, my stamina, my effort, my ATTENTION cannot be counted. Odogoodboy used you as a chew toy, how does that feel? I've been slept by Sleep Toads more than you've hit me with your attacks, I want to flatten you like a pancake, blow air back into you and then golf swing you into the nearest Odogarons mouth, I want to see you DEFLATE. I want a minigame where we're given tennis rackets and you're the fucking ball. You are entirely useless, you were the white ball they used on the old pong games, you've been getting kicked around for years and if you so much as look at me I'm going to tiger uppercut the entire lower half of your torso back up into your neck. You better keep to yourself cue ball, I'll turn you into a fucking fur coat quicker than you can execute your "brb im leaving but actually im not" attack.

• Pink Rathian: Yep that's what we needed, another one of YOU. The only difference between you and your puke-fucking-green counterpart is that you somehow found a way through years of evolution to turn yourself vagina-bright-pink and execute your tail swipe sorta kinda sideways just enough to where it still doesn't fucking hit anyone. Yep there you have it, that's where you peaked, this is what you've amounted to at your highest form of evolution. You still scream too much, do that FUCKING PACER TEST ATTACK OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER, you invite yourself to every single fight that doesn't concern you and I wish I could sever your tail and choke you to death with it. Every time I'm already dealing with Legi and Bagel you decide HEY GUYS IM HERE TOO :)))))))) and proceed to get skull fucked by all 3 of us. Honestly I think you're a Karen,you force yourself into everyone's business, never shut up, and probably took the kids from poor Rathalos. I'm no McDonald's employee on his first day, bitch. I will spam my level 2 charged upswing until the bottom half of your jaw has been smashed up through the top of your skull. There will be no distinguishing factor between the top of your head and the bottom of your mouth, it will all be one deformed fucked up scaly mess. I would allow you to speak to the manager but the manager was Rathalos and he's currently wrapped around my hammer which means that I'm the fucking manager now, and today's special offer is an ass beating free with every purchase.

• Legiana: Oh look it's the "apex" predator of the Highlands. The only thing you're good at as a monster is having the ability to create the most annoying ear piercing nails against a chalkboard scream that I've ever heard. You're the monster hunter equivalent to a fucking goose. Long ass neck? Check. Never know where the fuck you're going? Check. Feel the need to consistently make STUPID ASS noises for no reason? Check. Ice goose, I hate you. To this day you find new ways to piss me right the fuck off, every SINGLE TIME I hunt a tempered Legi this exact fucking thing happens. I run out of camp 12, See BAGELGOOSES DUMB PINECONE SPEWING FAT ASS. I do not Dung Pod bagel, if I see him he is DYING. So now I'm fighting bagel too, and I already know what is going to happen so I have a rocksteady mantle ready. Legi lands while I'm wailing on bagel back bitch, Legi roars, Bagel roars, Bagel roars A-FUCKING-GAIN, LEGI FUCKING ROARS AGAIN. I CAN HEAR IT IN MY SLEEP, ITS MY FUCKING ALARM CLOCK, I HEAR IT WHEN THE MICROWAVE GOES OFF, IT REPLACED THE SOUND OF MY FUCKING CAR ALARM. I NEVER WANT TO HEAR IT AGAIN. Then when I'm finishing making you one with the floor you roar and proceed to fly 37 years away from me if I'm not able to scramble quickly enough to flash you back onto the floor that you've so recently become closely acquainted with so I can finish pounding you into ground meat to feed to Poogie. Stay the fuck away from me before I focus all of my attacks into the landing strip that is your neck and hammer a fucking dent so pronounced that you're left looking like question mark, which would match your confused "where the fuck am I even though I've lived here forever" ass personality. I can't believe they named the MR variant of you "shrieking" as if screaming isn't already the only thing you're capable of doing. You better hope your roars start doing damage that isn't to my hearing motherfucker, cause you are NOT hitting me, I refuse to be touched by a creature that spends its days walking in circles looking like a fucked up arts and crafts project. None of your proportions make any sense, you look like you were designed based on a drawing done by a blindfolded 5 year old using wet chalk.

I will do the vale sometime next week, I need some time to recharge my insults. I felt like some of these were kinda weak I'll do better next area, I'll include DevilJho too just for fun cause I fucking HATE him.

Submitted September 08, 2019 at 05:37AM by duckiiunderscore https://ift.tt/2A2l8Os