(This got long, but I hope it's at least interesting? I recently moved cross-country AND was laid off (unrelated to one another), and just in general I live a very different life, with very different goals, from what I usually see posted on R29. ...I would also absolutely get eaten alive on there.)
Section One: Assets and Debt
Investments Balance: $576.36 in Acorns, from $20/month plus round-ups. I’ve had this account for just under a year. I’ve never worked for a company that’s had a 401(k). I know. I know.
Equity: lol
Savings account balance: $4,118.12 (I spent the first half of 2019 building up savings and am somewhat regularly dipping into them now.)
Checking account balance: $1,329.19
Credit card debt: $0 - paid off in full monthly
Student loan debt: $7,487.17, down from about 16k. I graduated from a private liberal arts college in 2014 with a dual major in Dance and Sociology/Anthropology. Right now my school would be around 50-60k annually at full price - a combination of scholarships, school grants and financial aid, and parental contributions meant I was able to graduate with comparatively little debt.
Section Two: Income
Main Job Monthly Take Home: Approximately $1020/month from my “main job” as a marketing & ticketing manager for a theatre in Minnesota (remote work). Unfortunately, I was laid off with significant notice just over a month ago. I’m in my “wind down” period, and went from a salaried $32,500 annually to an hourly employee at $16/hour, 15-20 hours/week, as I finish up projects. I have this income for the next month, potentially a little longer. I do not receive any benefits from this company anymore, so the take out of this is just tax (and I am now uninsured! Yay!)
Second Main Job Monthly Take Home: This is “winding up,” as I recently (like, three days before starting this diary) got hired in a customer service position at a gym. I make $9/hour and once my normal schedule kicks in, will be working 20-25 hours/week; right now I’m in my training period so my schedule is a little off, but beginning the week AFTER this diary was written, my monthly take-home from this gig will be approximately $640/month after taxes**.** I consider this a stopgap job and am actively working towards better income.
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: I freelance as a performer and performance maker (dance, theatre, and stage combat/stunt work), and have since graduating. My annual take home from it has varied pretty wildly over the years (anywhere from $600 to $5k, usually closer to the higher end of that), and based on current contracts I’m averaging $300/month right now. I moved to Philadelphia two months ago and am still building a network here, so I expect this to go up.
Any Other Monthly Income Here: I receive $1000/month from my parents. This began in this summer, when I moved from Minneapolis to Philadelphia to be closer to them (I left Minneapolis at the end of June, spent most of July living WITH them elsewhere in PA, working full-time remotely and caretaking full-time for my mother after she had a mastectomy and emergency brain surgery, and moved to Philly at the end of July when she no longer needed day-to-day care). They offered, and I tried to refuse, but my mother came back with the trump card of “You’re moving halfway across the country because I’m dying of cancer! Let me take care of you while I still can!” and, uh, I just don’t know how to win that argument.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent: $1375 for a 750-square foot 1 bedroom with a w/d, dishwasher, AC, rooftop, and gym. Beginning in May, this will be split with my partner, W, who is currently finishing up school in New Mexico, but for now it’s all mine (including cost). We purposefully picked a place we’d want to live for a few more years knowing it would be a stretch for me this year, financially. We just didn’t expect me to be laid off, so it’s way more of a stretch than intended.
Renters / home insurance: $12.95/month.
Investment contribution: $20/month plus round-ups from my debit card (usually about $10).
Debt payments: $200 to student loans - $125 (about $40 above the minimum) to the higher-interest (~5%) loan and $75 (about $10 above the minimum) to the lower interested (~3.5%) one.
Electric: ~$60/month. This is based on August costs - hoping it drops as it gets cooler since I’m not using the AC.
Gas: ~$15/month
Water: $50/month, fixed cost.
Wifi/Cable/Landline: $60 for wifi
Cellphone: $0 - still on parent’s plan.
Subscriptions: I use my parents’ Netflix and W’s Hulu and Prime video. $9.99 for Kindle Unlimited and $10.79 for Spotify.
Gym membership: $0 - I use my apartment’s gym for now, but also get a free membership to the gym I’m beginning to work at.
Transportation: $91 for a pass. I don’t have a car, so public transit is my everything.
Other: $60 every 3 months for birth control via one of those online providers.
Right now I’m paying $167/month on a payment plan for an ACE-Certified Personal Trainer basic study program & test voucher. This is three payments - I have two remaining.
Day One: Sunday
7am: I wake up ten minutes before my alarm, get out of bed to take a quick shower and do my AM skincare (rinse with water, CosRX BHA, BodyShop 15% tea tree oil solution, Argan Oil, and a Cerave sunscreen/moisturizer combo). Then I brew coffee and, while I’m waiting, take care of some dishes and throw in a load of laundry. This is the first apartment I’ve lived in that’s had an in-unit washer/dryer and it is SUCH A GAME CHANGER, especially with how many workout clothes I go through. Caffeine in hand, I spend the next hour and a half alternating between checking email/social media and studying. Right now I’m studying to become an ACE-Certified Personal Trainer. It’s something I’ve been toying with for a long time, but with the layoff about a month ago, I decided that I was going to use this as an opportunity to just go for it. If all goes well, I’ll be testing in December and hopefully beginning 2020 with a new day job!
9am: I take a pause from studying to switch laundry out of the washer and make myself breakfast: scrambled eggs loaded with kale, chickpeas, and feta, plus a piece of sprouted grain toast. I watch a lecture video while I eat, then pull on leggings and a tank top and do some very minimal makeup, pack my bag, and head out to catch transit to rehearsal. I take the train downtown, then walk the remaining 30 minutes. I COULD transfer to a different train, but it’s nice out, I consider this a bit of a warmup, and I use the time to talk to W, my long-distance partner. We’ve been together for almost four years, all of that in Minneapolis - including living together for a year - but now I’m in Philly to be closer to family after a lot of health issues on their part, and he’s in New Mexico, finishing up undergrad. He’s a few years older than I am but took a lot of time off after his junior year, and I’m so proud of him that he decided to go back, but wow going from living with someone to being 1,900 miles away is ROUGH.
1pm: Rehearsal is over! I have a four-show weekend with this company next week, as we perform a single piece in two different festivals/showcases. The work itself is beautiful and challenging - very technical and athletic. This company doesn’t pay for rehearsal time (common, especially among smaller companies), but pays a performance stipend, so I’ll be making about $150 next weekend for, in total, about 30 minutes on stage. After rehearsal, I quickly change into a clean shirt (it’s sweaty work!) and walk 30 minutes to a Trader Joe’s, using the time to call my parents. At TJ’s, I buy kale, mixed greens, cucumbers, beets, grapes, cantaloupe, avocados, mixed frozen fruit, sprouted grain bread, frozen sweet potato gnocchi, thai tea mochi, cinnamon apple snack sticks, and a cold-pressed juice with cayenne and pink salt ($49.75). I drink the juice immediately to get some post-rehearsal calories and carbs while walking 20 minutes to the subway. I use the time to call my parents back and finish our conversation (I refuse to be on the phone while in a crowded grocery store, though my parents (and some of the other shoppers) don’t seem to agree that it’s rude AF to do so).
2:30pm: Home at last, I unload the groceries and take a quick rinse-off shower. Then I make a snack plate with cucumber, grapes, cantaloupe, and some of the cinnamon apple sticks, and eat that while I waste time online. Eventually I get back to studying.
4:30pm: W calls! We chat while I do some dishes and make an early dinner of Trader Joe’s sweet potato gnocchi with tofu and broccoli thrown in. After we hang up, I text for a while with another friend from Minneapolis while I eat. Someday I’ll make friends here. ...I hope. Until then, I’m grateful that I have a few people who I DO talk to regularly, even if they’re all long distance. Afterwards, it’s back to studying for me.
6pm: I log onto work and put out some fires. At least I get paid hourly now for weekend work? I’m still officially the marketing & ticketing manager (now part-time!) for this theatre for another four weeks, but a lot of upper management has changed recently and there approximately 0 processes that are the same as they were six months ago. Everyone is frustrated and no one’s communicating well, and I’m annoyed that this thing in particular is falling on me to fix, because it REALLY needs to be handled in-person. And yet. At some point I have some grapes and cinnamon apple straws as a snack.
7:45pm: Aaaand done. I log off, and decide that this is the beginning of Self Care Sunday. While I let the tub fill with hot water, I paint my nails (really just a clear topcoat to stop me from biting them) and let them dry. Then it’s time for a long epsom salt soak while doing a face mask, because of course. I let a spotify playlist lull me until I come across a song that I’d forgotten about that hits me just right to want to use it for a project. I’ll start playing with that tomorrow.
9pm: I grind coffee beans and set my automatic start pot for tomorrow morning, brush my teeth, and try very hard to fall asleep - my body is tired but my mind keeps going over the work issues, even though there’s nothing I can do about them right now. I end up watching some Great British Bake-Off and texting friends for another couple hours until I ACTUALLY pass out.
Daily Total: $49.75
Day Two: Monday
6:15am: Hello, alarm. I get up, pour some coffee, and drink it while I watch the start of sunrise from a window. Then I pull on a flowy dress (+ biker shorts) and combat boots, grab my laptop and phone, and head up to our rooftop. I spend the next fifteen minutes with the song from last night on repeat, improvising movement and recording it with the sunrise in the background. It’s freaking beautiful out and, as I go through the movement videos afterwards I find some moments I like and will keep developing. I trim a favorite section and post it on IG and FB (without sound, because copyright) - there’s a large community of dancers who post improv sessions as a sort of living portfolio.
7:15am: Gym time! I’ve switched the dramatic costume-y dancewear for leggings and a tank top and am in my apartment’s gym. It’s an hour of combined cardio, full-body strength training, and some stretching afterwards. Then I shower, do my AM skincare, and make breakfast: sprouted grain toast with avocado and a green smoothie (kale and mixed greens, frozen berries, soy protein powder, greek yogurt, ginger, and tumeric).
9am: Work time. I finish putting out yesterday’s fires now that other people are online (and spend some time on FB messenger bitching with a coworker who is also Very Over This Company). W calls at some point and I take a 30-minute break to chat with him, then it’s back to digging into automating things I won’t be around to do anymore, setting up on-sale offers, and drafting a press release for our next show.
12pm: I take a break for lunch (leftover gnocchi/tofu/broccoli from yesterday, plus some grapes and cinnamon apple sticks) and get distracted looking at nearby powerlifting meets. My apartment gym is all dumbbells, kettlebells, and cable machines, so while I’ve competed before, I didn’t think I’d be able to train to do so again for a while, but with my new job at the gym I have access to their beautiful (BEAUTIFUL!) collection of free weights and squat racks. Downside: meets are Not Cheap. There’s one not too far at the end of January, but I don’t pull the trigger (or drop the $100 meet fee) yet. But man, is it tempting. I miss meet prep and competing so much.
1:30pm: Hi, hello, what is focus? I finish up what I’m working on then, at 2, take a break to watch some Quantico on Netflix while I throw my sheets in the washer and fold the clothes that I should have taken out of the dryer yesterday but didn’t. I also have a couple thai tea mochi (SO GOOD).
3:30pm: My manager was supposed to call now, so I’ve been online getting a few things done, but she texts instead with a few questions and ultimately, says there’s nothing we need to go over until photoshoot images come in tomorrow. Works for me! I call it done for the day at 4 hours of active work time (of my 20 possible this week). I throw Quantico back on while I do some deep cleaning that I’ve been neglecting for an hour before getting hungry and making an early dinner at 4:30 - a pouch of Thai ginger curry over brown rice and chickpeas. I eat it while watching more Netflix, which eventually turns into a nap because I have a fairly late night tonight.
6:30pm: And up! I get in half an hour of studying, then it’s time to get ready for rehearsal. I head out at 7:30 for an 8:30 start time, take the train to city center and walk half an hour to the studio, using the time to call my parents. I could (as always) transfer to take transit the whole way, but it’s such a cute walk. This is a different company from yesterday - also no rehearsal pay, but I’ll be receiving a $125 performance stipend from a one-night show in November.
10:45pm: Rehearsal is over and I make my way home. Once home around 11:30, I call W (it’s only 9:30 in NM) while I do my normal PM skincare (double cleanse with Julep’s oil cleanser and “detoxifying cleansing stick,” Pixi Glow Tonic AHA, tea tree oil, The Ordinary’s 30% Vitamin C suspension, and argan oil) then make a quick protein bowl with the last of my greek yogurt plus a plant-based chocolate protein powder and frozen berries. I eat it and am in bed by midnight. Goodnight.
Daily Total: $0
Day Three: Tuesday
6:45am: I wake up before my alarm because, even though my body is exhausted, my brain can’t handle “sleeping in” this late. Ugh. But it’s up, make coffee, and drink it while reading theSkimm. Then I string together a couple shorter Yoga with Kassandra videos to make a 30-minute class for myself, shower, do my AM skincare, and make breakfast (same as yesterday, minus the yogurt in my smoothie, and only one slice of toast with half an avocado). I’m logged onto work by 8:30 because today is annoyingly full.
11:30am: I have to be done with remote work for the day, but I’m pretty happy with what I managed to get done in the last three hours. I get dressed, including light makeup, and pack my bag for the rest of the day - a training shift from 1-5 and then busing out to New Jersey for a stage combat class. Finally, I make lunch: a Gardein veggie burger on sprouted grain toast with avocado, plus cucumbers and cantaloupe. While I eat, I purchase my two bus tickets for the New Jersey transit system ($10.70). I’m out the door at 12:20 to catch transit to work.
12:45pm: I purposefully got here early so I could stop at a nearby convenience store. I grab a protein bar and a coconut water ($5.18) then head in to work.5pm: And done! This was only my second training shift - I have two more this week and then begin my normal schedule next week. I change and walk a couple blocks to catch the bus out to my class. While I wait, I eat the protein bar I bought as well as some grapes that I packed.
6:30pm: I arrive at my stage combat class - with traffic, it’s just over an hour bus ride from downtown Philly, and I usually spend the time reading on my Kindle.
So a quick primer on stage combat (this isn’t important to the money part of this money diary, but I do Weird Performance Things that people are usually curious about): Theatre sometimes (often?) depicts violence! Think of the swordfights in Shakespeare plays or the Three Musketeers, all the knife fights in West Side Story, or moments of domestic struggle in any given modern play. Live theatrical violence (versus tv/movie/film, which is similar but its own world) is, in the US, governed by the Society of American Fight Directors, which is a professional organization that sets safety standards, certifies instructors, and tests students/actors in eight weapon disciplines, including things like Unarmed, Knife, Sword & Shield, and more. Students take classes with Certified Teachers (CT) and, after 30 hours of instruction, can take a Skills Proficiency Test (SPT) in that weapon, meaning a Fight Master watches them do a scene they’ve prepared, and then leads a master class, and, if the student passes, they get to claim proficiency under SAFD. This certification process is important because, y’all, we use actual (though not sharp!) weapons and throw actual punches, just with fun tricks and magic to make sure everyone stays safe - and being certified under SAFD means the governing body believes you can perform with your weapon safely, repeatedly, and believably. Classes are a combination of intellectual (drawing in both historical and modern martial theory) and super physical. This particular weekly class is for knife - it cost $250 for 35 instruction hours (or $7.14/hour). I paid for it (and began taking this class) back in the beginning of August, and it runs through mid-November. I began studying stage combat in February back in Minneapolis, have performed it in a couple of (incredible) shows, and am excited to keep developing my skills and increasingly specialize in stage combat over other types of theatrical performance because I LOVE IT (Plus? Honestly? The skills are rarer so the pay is better.)
9:00pm: Class is over - and, lucky me, the bus back to Philly that I usually just miss (because it supposedly arrives at 8:58) is running late, so I get to grab it instead of waiting Forever for the next one. I drink half of the coconut water I bought (I’ll save the rest for later this week) and text W while riding, then transfer to the subway and get home just after 10pm, over an hour earlier than usual. Instead of using that time responsibly by, like, cooking actual dinner or getting to bed early, I stay up scrolling through Reddit and FB while eating cinnamon apple sticks until 11, then finally do my PM skincare and fall asleep.
Daily Total: $15.88
Day Four: Wednesday
6:45am: Alarm goes off and I eventually pull myself out of bed and make coffee. I use the last of my beans, so I’ll have to go out and get more today. I drink it while reading theSkimm and try to talk myself into working out this morning, but it’s not going to happen. I decide a lazy morning is okay, and just enjoy my coffee curled up in an armchair for another hour. I log on to work a little before 8am.
9am: I pause for a few minutes to make breakfast - avocado toast topped with black pepper and a little feta, plus some grapes. I eat while I continue working.
10:45am: I just finished a long, mind-numbingly tedious (and time-sensitive) task. I take a 30-minute break to make some tea and browse audition listing sites. I submit for three jobs, ranging in pay from a small weekly stipend, to $900 for two weeks of focused work, to a part-time season contract with both rehearsal and performance pay. Performance and auditioning is about talent and training, yes, but also submitting for literally everything you can afford to do because 90% of things you submit for, you’ll get rejected for.
11:15am: I’d like to say I get back to work immediately, but honestly I take a depression nap until noon. I’ve struggled with mental health stuff for years(/decades?), with various amounts of therapy and self-regulation in the mix. All the transitions in my life over the last few months have been hard on me, mentally, and I’m finding that the strategies I’ve built up aren’t really enough anymore - I’m on waitlists for a number of sliding-scale therapy places, so in the meantime I just try to do what I can. The lack of structure in my jobs is both terrible (because lack of structure makes it easier to fall into depression holes) and great (because I can do things like take depression naps at 11am and no one notices or cares).
12pm: Back at work after quickly throwing together lunch (Trader Joe’s Japanese-style fried rice with some extra bell pepper and mixed greens thrown in). This afternoon is full of sorting through photoshoot results - usually fun, but I’m having a hard time getting into it right now.
2pm: All right, done with that job for the day. I feel very… empty. It’s hard to want to do anything - I spend more time than I want to admit just sitting, trying to find the will to do something. Eventually I get up, shower, and get dressed/do full makeup for no particular reason. I find and download a few books that sound vaguely interesting from the KindleUnlimited selection and read them while my hair dries. Finally, a little after 4, I head out to the nearby co-op for coffee beans. They’re out of my favorite, so I grab whatever else is only a LITTLE outrageously expensive instead of REALLY outrageously expensive and impulse buy some chips and salsa, too. The total is $25.42, and this highlights exactly why I never shop here.
5pm: Back home, I make some simple syrup on the stove and read more while I let it cool. Then I make myself a gimlet and enjoy it with chips and salsa while reading more. A wave of contentedness washes over me, and I try hard to cling to that feeling.
6pm: W’s done with school stuff for the day, and we have a date night - a combination of Skyping and playing co-op Stardew Valley. At some point I pause to roast beets, which I’m claiming pass as an actual dinner, along with a second gimlet. It’s lovely to see him and spend time with him and just drink cocktails and laugh. He has to head out around 8:30, and soon after I do my PM skincare and head to bed with a large bottle of water.
9pm: The plan had been to read for a while, but I pass out almost immediately. Good night!
Daily Total: $25.42
Day Five: Thursday
6:15am: Ugh. I’m not hungover, but I WAS awake from about 2-5am. This morning’s intention was to go the gym, since I’ve been feeling VERY lazy after missing yesterday’s workout, but… no. I snooze my alarm for another hour.
7:15am: That’s… a little better. I tell myself I’m just going to read a little while I wake up, but end up not getting out of bed until 9:30. Whoops. I shower, make breakfast (smoothie + toast with butter, because my last avocado’s not ripe yet), and am logged on to work by 10am. Whatever. It’s still an hour before anyone at the main office will be online.
11am: I finish my daily tasks and respond to a couple of emails that came in overnight but, honestly, am mostly waiting on responses from other folks before I can move forward with much else. Because I’m pretty much just wrapping up projects these days, there’s not a lot I can do in my downtime. I spend the next hour reading while keeping an eye on email, but nothing comes in.
12:30pm: I catch transit to the gym for another shift there.
5:15pm: And transit back home! I make dinner (TJ’s sweet potato gnocchi with Gardein meatless meatballs and lots of greens thrown in) and eat while logging back on to work to finish up a quick task that couldn’t be done until this afternoon. I spend the next hour or so reading until it’s time to get back on transit for:
7:30pm: Smallsword class! This is the first class of this weapons series, and is with a different instructor (and far more conveniently located) than the class I take on Tuesdays. This one will run through mid-December and ALSO cost about $250 - I paid for it a month ago. I’ll have to re-evaluate how much I spend on training moving forward, but I strongly consider these classes to be a worthwhile investment (and, frankly, a pretty decent workout. Smallsword is basically just foil-for-stage, for anyone familiar with Olympic fencing.)
9:30pm: Class is over and I head home, arriving a little after 10:15pm. I have some fruit, do my PM skincare, and read in bed until I fall asleep.
Daily Total: $0
Day Six: Friday
7am: I’m up and drinking coffee. Around 7:30 I head to the gym to do 20 minutes of cardio, a full-body strength training routine, and some stretching.
9am: All showered, I make my normal smoothie-and-toast breakfast (with butter, ‘cause I’m still waiting on that avocado to do its thing). I log onto work and do my daily tasks, but, honestly, my to-do list is pretty empty today. With tomorrow being as busy as it is, I decide I’m taking the rest of the day off (in my current arrangement, this isn’t something I need to clear with any bosses or management. I’m free to log my hours whenever I want, as long as I’m meeting deadlines - I really appreciate the flexibility.)
3pm: I’ve spent the day, honestly, just in bed and on the couch, alternating reading and napping. At 3pm I log back onto work and do a task that has to be done at a certain time, then it’s back to reading and doing my best impression of a log. W calls at some point and we chat for a while.
10pm: After a long day of doing Literally Nothing, I do my skincare and go to bed. A thrilling existence, I know.
Daily Total: $0
Day Seven: Saturday
7:30am: My alarm goes off. Today is going to more than make up for yesterday’s laziness. I drink my coffee and read while I wake up. Around 8 I make breakfast (my normal smoothie and toast with avocado), get dressed in work clothes (lol “work clothes.” It’s workout leggings and a gym branded t-shirt), do light makeup, and pack my bag for the day. Included: A second pair of leggings and a tank top, ballet shoes, two copies of my headshot and performance resume, costume for this evening, sweatpants, extra pair of fuzzy socks, stage makeup+hair kit, coconut water, beet and kale salad with brown rice, and water bottle.
10am: Part One of today: shift at the gym. This is my last shadow shift before I’m 100% on my own next week, and I leave feeling confident.
2pm: Work shift over, I change from “work athletic clothing” to “audition athletic clothing.” After leaving, I stop at a convenience store nearby and grab a to-go “protein pack” (mini bagel, peanut butter, hard boiled egg, almonds, and fruit) ($4.09). I eat the egg, bagel, and fruit while walking about a mile and a half to my audition. Halfway there, I realize my need for caffeine cannot be pushed off, so I stop at a CVS and get a Starbucks canned doubleshot espresso ($2.59).
2:45pm: Part Two of today: Audition! Dance auditions usually consist of a class or warm-up (in this case, a ballet barre), then a series of combinations - usually choreography from the company’s rep. It’s been a while since I’ve done work that’s this classical, so I’m not super confident in my performance, but I did what I could and that’s what matters. All in all, it takes about 90 minutes. I’ll find out sometime in the next two weeks if I’ve been accepted.
4:30pm: And on to Part Three: I walk about a mile and a half to the venue I’ll be performing at tonight and use the time to call my parents to check in. I’m visiting them in two weeks, and we talk about what they want to do while I’m there (actual answer will be “nothing,” because that’s about what my mom’s going to be physically/energetically capable of, but I know it makes her feel better to make plans).
5pm: Arrived and now it’s a lot of hurry up and wait. I change into costume (with the addition of sweatpants and fuzzy socks, because theatres are always Way Too Cold) and walk through the piece with my fellow dancer and our choreographer until it’s time to tech around 5:30. This is a curated showcase: there are seven companies performing short (3-10 minute) pieces, and tech for each is pretty minimal. We’re done a little before 6pm, and spend some time afterwards getting notes from the choreographer. I can feel my energy dropping, so I eat the pack of peanut butter from my snack pack with a spoon (I’m not hungry/don’t want anything in my stomach, but need the calories) and switch from the plain water I’ve been drinking to the coconut water I brought. Based on program order, I won’t need to start warming up until about 7pm, so after doing my stage makeup, I spend the time reading and on my phone.
7pm: First show! I’m warmed up, stretched out, and ready. We’re on stage around 7:20, done by 7:30, and then it’s just waiting for company bows and the next show. I have a few bites of the beet and kale salad I packed this morning, but it’s been in my bag all day and, honestly, is not that appealing right now. I’m back on my phone - and check email to see a last-minute performance offer for next weekend from a company I just started working with. Somehow, magically, the rehearsal schedule this coming week lines up PERFECTLY with my availability, and I accept. This company pays well (but I have an NDA on the amount, sorry y’all - suffice it to say I might actually be ADDING to my savings this month), and the gig is pretty exciting - but it does mean I have 0 days off until NEXT Sunday. Extra thankful I decided to rest yesterday.
9pm: Warm up again. Perform again. Wait again. Bow again. I’ll get paid by the choreographer tomorrow after the final performance.
10pm: I am done and exhausted. I change out of costume, refill my water bottle, and head out to navigate the craziness that is downtown at 10pm on a Saturday night. Too many drunk parties, or maybe I’m just tired and grumpy. I pass a guy flagging down his party bus to wait for him while he pisses on the side of the building. I get to the subway and ride away from the madness.
11pm: I am exhausted, hunger has finally hit, and my body hurts. First things first: I wash my hair and face to get the hairspray/stage makeup gone, then make a massive pot of boxed macaroni and cheese (don’t judge) and run a hot bath. I eat mac and cheese and drink a bottle of ice water while taking an epsom salt bath and it is GLORIOUS. This is it. This is my best life. I’m in bed, asleep, just before midnight, ready for two more shows tomorrow.
Daily Total: $6.68
WEEKLY TOTAL: $97.73
Food + Drink: $87.03
Fun / Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $0
Clothes + Beauty: $0.00
Transport: $10.70
Other: $0
Reflection: Financially, this is pretty typical. Looking at my income-versus-expenses, I kind of feel like one of those hot mess diaries without the fun social aspects of being a hot mess. I know my fixed/monthly expenses are HIGH and I try to compensate by keeping day-to-day expenses as low as possible - like, I’m at the point where I feel guilty about the chips and salsa purchase because that’s $10 I didn’t NEED to spend.
In general, this is very much a time of flux for me - literally NOTHING is the same as it was even 4 months ago, and every time I feel like I’ve figured out what my “new normal” is, something changes. It’s a scary position to be in, but everything I’m doing right now is done with the hope/belief that I’ll both a) get more and better-paying performance work the longer I’m here (so far this seems accurate) and b) pass my PT cert test and find a job with it. Day-to-day I judge myself pretty harshly (I went through this week feeling like I was lazy, undisciplined, and an absolute failure, which is pretty much my normal self-talk), but reading back what I DID accomplish makes me want to be a little gentler with myself. Things are rough right now, BUT I can see a path to achieving relative financial security and performing regularly (and making non-negligible amounts of money from it). I just need to keep my head down and do the work, and I do think this week is a good example of what that looks like in practice.
Submitted September 24, 2019 at 03:33PM by getitgetbetter https://ift.tt/2mieGiR
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