It’s been 3 weeks NC. I wrote a long paragraph on here and now it’s achieved. It was silly but it helped me a lot. My ex reached out to me a week after we went NC and a week after he walked out of my life blocking me off everything with no explanation. I was hurt and confused at first I wanted him back but 5 days in I started to feel a little better I started eating again I worked hard and stopped slacking off at work I begin working on my illustrations again and I built a stronger bond with my family and friendships. Out of the blue he contacts me and asked to see me in which I did but he was not the same besides the fact that he was tipsy he treated me very differently. The first thing he told me is that he’s insecure and said he has a lot of tattoos because of it and people who are covered with tattoos are insecure. (This isn’t true in my book and it was strange cause he’s fully covered in tattoos why would he call himself out like that??) I kept my distance but I’ve confronted him about the pain I’ve went through. However it seem like he was more interested in sleeping with me than discussing what had happened I had to refuse and ask him to please focus a few times. I realize maybe we could have worked things out and after that we talked for 3 days in which was mostly me confronting him and him acting like everything is okay. A few times he would say things that would trigger me about our relationship. Also he would say things like “I miss your vibes” “I want to see you soon” “Why can’t you accept that I enjoy being around you?!” And would get upset when I refused to hang out. I’ve went off on him. I guess he didn’t like that and let me vent and when I thought things were going well he said he would reconsider a second chance and at first I was glad I could prove myself but I stopped and thought... prove myself? Why do I have to prove my worth to someone who already imagined their life without me? On the last day I got upset cause we promised to talk on and off but I hated the way I was being treated it would just be mean remarks and treating me like last priority and I wasn’t used to that from him. I blew up I wrote a paragraph and didn’t hear back til later that night I’ve been left on seen all afternoon. He wrote a paragraph stating that he doesn’t know what’s gotten into me that he’s emotionally drained from selling his car and didn’t want to speak to me even tho I wanted to be there for him emotionally but he ignored my messages. And the thing that put the nail in the coffin was the fact that he said “ I was reconsidering a second chance but you blew it! Good bye for good!” And I found my stuff in a black bag on my porch that same night. I cried a little bit not as hard as the first time he left. I vent to friends all week after that then I slowly but surely am being comfortable alone. I went back to making time for my art and friends and working hard again. I haven’t broken NC since that night and a friend of mine today sent me a screenshot of him sharing a quote about dating someone and making sure they are happy. I just laughed and I found an ID with his picture in my wallet while I was at the laundromat today and tossed it immediately. NC really helps. Keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with family and friends. And please don’t let anyone suck the good vibes out of you or emotionally drain you. You are enough! I love you and we can do this!
Submitted September 14, 2019 at 09:25AM by KendraOokami https://ift.tt/30jCSj8
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