TIFU by having sex in a port-o-potty at the county fair

Obligatory this happened two days ago.

Me and my girlfriend love the fair, I guess she loved sex a little more that day.

Around the back of the fair there’s cattle, goats, etc. I guess just chilling in a pen all together, it was a low traffic area that led into this local art exhibition. It was kinda cool I guess. I told my girlfriend I wanted to see the art, she told me she wanted to see my cock.

Woah there.

Luckily for her, there was a port-o-potty like right next to this loud pen of cattle and goats. Moo-ing, making goat noises, slamming into the metal fences. I guess it was a good spot.

Now I’m just gonna put this out there fellas, I didn’t expect to have any sort of sex at the fair, and I definitely DID’NT expect to be forced into a portashitter next to some livestock. So my brain isn’t processing shit until she starts taking down her pants and bending over the closed lid.

Once the cogs started turning I said out loud “Is this really where you wanna fuck right now?”

She whips around: “SHHHHHHHHH! people will hear you!”

Sorry.

I took it for what it was worth really, I then proceeded to start fucking.

The smell of cow shit, hay, a full weekends worth of piss and shit in a hot porta john was really starting to make my shit limp.

Let’s fast forward the details, I finished. It was good sex, the excitement of a taboo place such as a shit box next to some cows, and the inevitable door shake that people do when they CLEARLY can’t see the occupied dial, and the constant fear of a possible porta-pitfall onto the ground which would really, and I mean REALLY, get us into some

shit.

If you guys were wondering, it was raw doggy style sex. So I had to cum in the only place I could safely, which was the toilet itself. Imagine the feeling of having to bust a fat load whilst your girlfriend is scrambling to open up a toilet seat lid with long acrylic nails and trying to move out of the way fast enough so you can release. I’ll just be up front, half of the baby gravy ended up on the floor.

After the sex, we secured our britches and went to open the door.

THIS is where it got scary.

At the time, there was not a soul around, except livestock. Now the area is swarming with people. We didn’t notice. I guess this area was for goddamn LIVESTOCK AUCTIONS. So imagine the pure fear and attempted finesse of trying to walk out of a porta potty without opening the door wide enough to see that there’s a whole ass woman standing in there as well.

I cracked the door and said to my girl “there’s a million people here right now. Someone’s gotta take a piss at some point.”

“Just walk out it will be fine.”

“I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. LOOK!”

She opens the door slightly, closes it, looks at me and says “fuck this shit.”

Her idea was to stay in the John until the people left, which I called her a half momo because at SOME point in this auction, farmer bob is gonna have to spring a leak, this door has been locked and shut for over 30 minutes. It’s 100° plus the sex sweats inside of a plastic fuck-house. I’m sweating like a whore. 2 people so far have come up to the door and tried to open it. Now with this auction going on, that 30 minutes turned into almost an hour of us trying to plan an escape route, we’re suffocating on our own air. This is a pure nightmare.

I looked at her and said “I’m just gonna fucking go for it.”

She took it as “let’s just both dip”

GOD. I wish people would get context clues sometimes.

We both storm out, of this John. Sweaty as fuck, gasping for air.

What do you know, 20+ people looking right at the goddamn elephants in the room - or should I say fair. We had no idea what to do so we kept walking. I’m very displeased right now.

“That was a close one” she said.

“Nah, nah, NO. It would have been fine if we went one at a time but we had to barge out of it like a goddamn swat unit. Everyone knew.”

“You think?”

“Let’s go ask the people what they thought of two adults leaving a porta john and see if they’re first thought was we were playing cards.”

She wasn’t pleased by the sarcasm.

“Wait op, where’s the big twist? What happened after?”

Well let me explain. The fair we go to is a fair that I get free tickets for because of where I work. We had 10 tickets, so we went almost 10 days in a row. This happened this monday, I said this. We went to the fair yesterday. The porta potties were not there anymore in that specific location. It was not one porta john, it was not two. It was an entire WALL of them. At least 8 of them. All gone. Probably relocated. Which could only mean one thing.

Someone had to have told someone people fucked in them.

To end it all. We left the fair, on the way out we grabbed some fudge and it was delicious. Round two was happening very soon.

TL;DR: I had sex in a porta john and the day after they took all the porta potties away.

Submitted August 07, 2019 at 07:24PM by okayyeahsurebud https://ift.tt/2KmIzrZ