Need help

Need help figuring this out. Have been typed as an ISTP by my dad, but my tests say ENTJ or ENFJ. I can relate to ENTJ, but I don't know if that's just cause I wish that was my type or if it's actually my type.

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• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

20yr, female. I work in a kitchen at a fine dining restaurant, a very high-stress job where I spend 8-10h a day. I want to be a mechanical engineer. I can play guitar, paint, and draw, and I've also done almost all of my own tattoos.

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• Is there a medical diagnosis that impact your mental/comportamental stability somehow?

I was diagnosed with asperger as a child, but they said I "grew out of it" or something. I got diagnosed with chronic depression when I was a pre-teen, but they changed the diagnosis to "chronic suicidal ideation" when I got older, and then started on very heavy medication when I was about 14. I quit all my medications 1,5 year ago, so I'm totally sober and in retrospect I dont even think im chronically depressed. Been stabily happy for over a year:))))))

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• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

My parents worked in a circus for 15 years, where everyone takes care of everyone, so I had about 20 parents until I was about 10yr, and I've always been extremely independent because we always went on tours around Europe and I basically had to take care of myself. My parents are basically hippies and I've always felt really free and never tied down to anything

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• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?

As mentioned earlier I work in a kitchen, which I enjoy to an extent. I love the stress and the pace of everything, but I hate the feeling of not doing things thorough enough, because of the time limit. everything has to be done at an inhuman speed, which makes it difficult to really make the dishes beautiful and detailed. You can't really put your pride into how good the dish tastes or how it looks, you have to pride yourself on being a very effective person instead, or you'll go crazy. I love cooking, so when I'm at home ill make the same dishes as I make at work, but better and more thoroughly.

• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

I could spend an entire weekend just playing video games or building something, but I would probably feel really shitty afterward. It would totally depend on where. If I was out camping and could spend my time building a little cabin or if I could do a road trip on my motorcycle I would LOVE it. But if I'm not doing anything productive or something that makes my adrenaline jump out the roof, I need to have someone to talk to. Only one person tho

• What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage i?

I love doing things physically. Before my depression, I used to work out an hour every morning just to release some energy and be able to sit down at school. After I stopped exercising I had a lot of trouble focusing on school because I had all this mental and physical energy built up. I love parties that are outdoors, because I feel like open environments also open me up more, and give me more freedom. In the summers I hike for a week in the mountains with my mom, and every time I visit my dad we have ax-throwing competitions. Aside from being outdoors, I also love sitting down with budgets and planning and organizing things. I like to make plans, but I have a big difficulty starting on them. I can sit for 2h and make budgets, but then use 200$ on self CARE products. So, yeah, contradictions

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

I find myself pretty curious, the only way I can remember things is if I know why I'm doing it, I cant take directions from others unless I know why I'm supposed to do it their way. But if I know why and figured out that it works I'm fine with copying their method, to an extent. My ideas are often about how I can improve myself or my surroundings. I'm very goal-oriented, and I often have fantasies about how great my adult life is going to be. I want a big house, a pool, a skating ramp for my kids, a badass motorcycle etc. I also have a lot of ideas on how I can fix things myself, fx how I can make a really cool desk for my girlfriend or how I could make all the decorations in our apartment myself

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

I've been told I can be really controlling, but that's just because I often know how to do things in a faster and more effective way than others. It's not that I want to be a leader of any kind, because that would be way too much pressure and I'm too lazy to bother to organize more than two other people than myself. I guess I would be a pretty good leader because I'm very fair and objective when it comes to other people, but I would probably go insane and end up killing everyone because everyone's annoying. I mean, I would love to take over the world and just rule everything, but I would have to do it alone, no teamwork.

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?

I'm very coordinated. Always loved gym class, always been the best (of the girls) at volleyball, swimming, throwing things, just being physical in general. I've always loved lego, climbing, building things etc.

• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

I painted a lot while I was depressed, and I've been told it was pretty good, but I stopped because it's kinda boring. If I were ever to make some sort of art I would probably make some weird installations or something

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

The past is the past, but I love telling stories about my childhood and my family. Only if it's funny though, I hate the emotional stuff. The present is really important to me, because I view the present as a way to create a better future. If I do my best, have fun and take care of myself I'll be a happy 90yr. I find it difficult to think about stuff that is not right now, unless I'm daydreaming about my future life. As mentioned earlier I love making budgets and plans in general, but it's difficult to get them started. When I first start I always finish, and I do everything as well thought through as possible, but that's more because of my competitive nature. I want to win life

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

I love teaching other people stuff. I just really love to share my knowledge and show others that I'm actually very capable of almost anything. I know a little bit about everything, and in the categories where I've specialized, I'm super fucking great. I guess I would decide to help them because I just really enjoy teaching others stuff, I don't know why, I just really like it

• Do you need logical consistency in your life?

Yes. I never use my emotions as a tool, I use my intelligence. And if there's an emotional obstacle in my way I just parkour around it

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

Very important. The less time you spend doing boring stuff the more time you can spend doing fun stuff. And I love the feeling of going to bed having had a really productive, fun day

• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

Yes, I control others if what they're doing is hurting themselves or others, or if it's just really unproductive. I'm also very charismatic, and it's not very difficult for me to get others to do what I want, although I try not to manipulate others unless they're being counterproductive with my time and energy

• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

My hobbies change very often. I used to love tattooing, even have my own gun. I used to paint, but that got boring. Used to do sports, but now I don't have the time because of work. Right now my hobbies are basically playing minecraft and just doing things that make me feel good. I also loved doing macrame and knitting for awhile, which I think I'm starting to get into again, because we're decorating a new apartment and I want to make all our furniture and decorations myself. I just love working wiith my hands and being self-sufficient. I love having something to show for and being proud of the end products. I also love drugs. Not that it's a hobby, but i love everything that stimulates my brain or body to the xtreme. I'm not an addict, because I'm not an idiot and I know that I ahve to detox after a trip, but it's something i really enjoy:)))

• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

I need to know why I'm learning it, and I like when teachers use pictures and powerpoints while they talk, so I can imagine it in my head, or else it doesn't stick. If I'm cramming for an exam I have to be in a room with no one else, and I have to make tremendous amounts of notes to actually remember what I'm reading, or go out and do it myself to figure out how it works

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

I usually plan everything, but end up winging it anyways. I have a tendency to be too ambitious and set my goals too high, and then ending up somewhere in the middle unless it's something I really want to make happen, then I'll nail it even without planning

• What's important to you and why?

Financial freedom, because I hate stressing out over things I can do something about. And if I can do something about it, i do. I also find it really important to be intelligent and keep stimulating my mind and getting smarter and more capable. My biggest fear is to stagnate. Family is also pretty important to me. I'm really really bad at keeping in touch with people, but when I'm with them I make sure it really counts

• What are your aspirations?

I want to feel great, look great and just basically win life. I want a wife and a big house and a couple of kids, and I want to be able to provide them with everything they need. I want other people to look up to me and see me as a good example.

• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

I fear depression, isolation and stagnation. I have a really intense fear of being sad and lonely, and sometimes that fear of being sad makes me sad, so I jsut choose not to feel sad, ever. Other people crying or being too emotional makes me really uncomfortable. My dad has a really bad temper, and as a child I was so scared of him that when he came home from work I ran to my mom and said that "the giant is coming". And it's not that he was violent or ever hurt me in any way, I'm jsut really sensitive to strong emotions and loud noises. I HATE loud noises, I always carry headphones and I use them mostly just to cancel out uncomfortable noises, not to lsiten to music. It just makes me feel fucking terrible

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

Getting a really fat paycheck, or standing on top of a really tall mountain. Or taking my girlfriend to a place she wanted to go to, or running around in the woods yelling at the top of my lungs (which is kinda weird but also extremely freeing)

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

When I don't have control over my surroundings, and everything is chaos. When I feel detached from everyone else, or if my mom is having a really hard time. I also have a tendency to hurt peoples feelings without being aware, that gets me kinda sad

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

I would say I'm pretty attached to reality, I know where I am and what I'm doing at all times, and I'm very aware of my surroundings. When i daydream i daydream about realistic things

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

I probably wouldn't think, I would stretch myself out on the floor and meditate. Or try to do parkour on the walls

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

I make decisions very fast, the answers just flows out of my mind like a machine. But i have a tendency to look back and think "well shit that was a bad decision"

• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

I process emotions physically, not mentally. If i feel happy I'll do a cartwheel on the couch or tickle my girlfriend until she hits me. If i feel sad I'll ugly cry and hit something until i pass out. I usually don't know where my emotions are coming from or why I'm feeling them. I'm aware that emotions are important, but they're too complicated for me to deal with

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

If I don't agree I'll either manipulate the person to agreeing with me instead, or just don't answer them at all. I don't like lying, but I'm a very good advocate when it comes to getting my will across

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?

Yes. I'm an anarchist to the bone. I don't think authority should be challenged, because then they'll ruin your life, I just think there should be no authority at all. I love capitalism, but I hate the state and I think taxes are bullshit

• What is the ideal life, in your opinion?

Just being extremely happy and having everything I need, in addition to being able to provide the ones I love withe everything they deserve

Submitted August 14, 2019 at 04:08PM by discosunniva https://ift.tt/2Z0Y3WI