As far as I remember I've never really felt love towards my parents nor their love towards me. They're not abusing.. They only hit me very few times throughout the years and the last time it was yeaaaars ago. Just bringing a child up, I guess.. I've never felt supported though.. In anything I did. They think that putting money into my hobbies/university is enough of a support.
For example: I really love drawing and my friends and art teacher seemed to always be kinda amazed by my drawings, but my parents would only say "nice" or just nothing when I would show them what I drew, so I just stopped showing it to them in the end.
My father just basically keeps telling me how I suck. Not directly saying "you suck", but just saying how horrible my personality is and that "I'm not normal", how lazy I am and not capable of doing anything and how completely useless I am.
Some other situations:
I once accidentally dropped a nail polish which broke and I had to clean the mess.. Which was fine.. But what wasn't fine for me was him calling me "b*tch" for that. (It's the worst swearword to use for a woman in my language.) He had absolutely no reason to do so.
Another time I was asked to help him with something on PC and so I did. He said I did it too fast and didn't show him everything and blah blah. So I sighed, I literally just sighed and he said "you'll never get married". It hurt so much.. I cried myself to sleep. This got me thinking about if I actually want him at my wedding..
Maybe it's also worth mentioning that my confidence has always been low and I was also bullied at elementary school and I sometimes just feel like I have no friends and no one likes me. When I feel this down, my mother says I should stop pitying myself.. Anytime I feel really shitty she just says this which makes me feel even worse.
Once I wanted to go outside (literally outside for a walk) with one guy I got to know online. I've also met him a couple of times, but never got to talk to him. It was 10pm and I just felt like getting some fresh air and walk for a bit. My boyfriend was completely alright with that, but my parents started freaking out.. My mother said she thought she raised me better and that I have a boyfriend and stuff.. Basically saying she didn't think she raised a whore.. Seriously? I've only had and still have one boyfriend and I just wanted to go outside and chat with another guy, nothing else.
Whenever I do something for the household or help anyhow, they ignore it, but keep complaining about how I never do anything.
I'll live with them for at least a year still and I sometimes don't know how to handle it all. Am I even right to feel sad about it or am I just overreacting? What should I do about it? Should I just try to ignore their behaviour towards me? How do I get over the mean comments? Would it be right not to invite my father to my future wedding?
And no.. Talking to them will unfortunately not work. Also.. I get hints and comments every day, I wouldn't ask you guys for help otherwise.. I tried to make this post a bit shorter and show you at least some of the situations, there's still a bit more though.
TL;DR: I feel like my parents have never appreciated me and often just tell me how I suck in everything I do. Their comments are sometimes too much for me to handle. What should I do? How do I get over their behaviour towards me?
Submitted August 25, 2019 at 10:59PM by Lewimka https://ift.tt/2ZmDpk1
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