I'm a Black man that prefers White women above all else but as you read, it's FAR more complicated than that. The first tl;dr is I feel like a White supremacist with my tastes, feelings and reactions be them subconscious or openly aware ones. Before going forward this is VERY controversial and I am NOT trying to offend anyone or put anyone down so I apologize in advance if I sound like I do at any point. After writing all of this, I realized you could me a drinking game that WILL kill you if you take a shot every time I say white or woman/women/girls and various other words... Also, tons of paragraphs so the second a tl;dr at the very bottom.
While I have easily found women attractive of other races and European ethinicities that aren't Northern European, I always feel guilty that I like a lot the "stereotypical" views of Whiteness in women that most the world worships from looks to style to attitude, especially as a Black man given how sensitive a topic this is in Black societies, namely in America given our country's history and complex racial relationships that heavily impact us even today. It's one thing for me to not like Black women the best or prefer White women over them, but another thing entirely for me to see White women straight outclass them and for the ones that do to often be the stereotypical beautiful ones as well.
As well as the double standard that a lot of things I don't like as much or at all on other women are better or good on White women (like certain fashion styles or body types) despite how cultural appropriation can be EXTREMELY harmful. Even when it comes to attractive girls online, I pay far more attention to them in photos or when I say them in things on places like reddit (I've looked up so many pale and redhead women sub reddits). I have felt this way since I was a young child. I have tried EVERYTHING to try and force myself to feel differently.
What happens is I'll be in the bubble for another type of woman so exclusively look for and be involved in things that feature only them but, eventually burn out and go back to preferring White woman or once the attractive White woman comes into the bubble, it makes the non-White woman no longer seem amazing. Plus I noticed that most of that bubble thing happens when I am aroused where as I don't need to be aroused to find White woman that beautiful. I absolutely HATE that this is something I can't control even though it's a natural reaction and there's never any thoughts in my minds about anyone being better, it being a form of hatred or anything.
I know there's no helping what you like and that this is a pretty normal thing since I'm far from a rarity in my feelings but what makes it worse to me is that I am a bit more specific with my taste in White women that if you didn't know I was black, you would understandably think I was a White supremacist. I love pale skin, blue eyes, red hair and freckles above all else so pair them together with an attractive woman and I am putty in your hands. I have even joked about this with a number of women I am friends with or who have dated that fit this description or come close to their amusement and receptiveness of it.
I have a tendency to compliment women with those features far more than I do any other women since they just like so lovely to me and thankfully, women with those features are often receptive to the compliments since if you weren't aware, save the blue eyes that are often pedestalled, these are features in many parts of the world are often things people are critical of with endless ginger jokes or telling them that they need to tan, look sick and such. So when you think about it, I don't "truly" like the pedestaled type of White women either as mot the ones celebrated pretty much only have the blue eyes. It's worth noting that I am not big on green or hazel eyes save the rare woman and prefer all other eye colors to them. I also don't like brown hair much but find black and blonde really nice and essentially equal to each other.
So while I do find Northern European White women much prettier than everyone else from a young age to the point my mom and sisters noticed it and would outright tell me to never pursue (maybe this made me want to more) and my favorite features being common place in the White women where I live, I never thought the White girls where I lived were very pretty on average despite most here being in good shape and keeping up on their appearance. Even today I find the overwhelming majority of them where I come from average at best and am not interested in them physically.
I didn't understand why this was until 8 or so years ago when I started getting heavy into genealogy and had become very experienced with foreign cultures and history the world over through study and experience as those are natural hobbies of mine. I also have OCD and am obsessed with patterns and sequences and always pick them out or get bothered when they are disrupted. Sucks but it's functional OCD so I can live a "normal" life despite it.
This is when I finally pieced it together, I liked Northern European looks the most but that even within that group, I didn't like all the looks equally and it was really only a few that I liked on any special level and that it was German and Dutch, followed by Northern France, then Scandinavia with me not even caring to place the UK and Ireland due to how even most of the prettiest girls from those countries or of that descent struggled to be as appealing as many of the average girls in the other countries. I just overwhelmingly don't care much for the facial features common in British and Irish women where as I'm weak to the facial features of the other groups.
I also prefer taller girls 5'6-6'0 and in those countries and that gene pool, that is VERY common to find for them as they're known as the tallest girls on the planet where as not as much in UK and Ireland or their genepool where the women are noticeably shorter and wider on average (even though it's by no means hard to find those type of girls in that height range). Then when it comes to paleness, I noticed that there was more variety to paleness than I realized and that I didn't like all pale skin types the same. I noticed that the British and Irish girls tend to have more of a pink or redness to their pale skin with blotchiness and visible veins being far more common among them as well. Whereas it was FAR more common for the other Northern European women to have more of a milky white or porcelain finish with little to no red or pinkness and more a vibrant glow to their skin where they didn't have the "ghostly or sickly" look to their skin. The other Northern European weren't as freckly on average, but even the ones that did freckle, didn't freckle too much which even for a freckle lover there is a limit and that they had freckle color, sizing and pattern more appealing than most British and Irish women did.
There's also the fact that I legitimately do find them culturally more interesting than Britain and Ireland as well and prefer their accents too so this further adds to their appeal. To many people they will automatically default to me liking Irish or Celtic women the most due to the red hair alone and even more so when I put the other features in the mix since, they don't grasp that these are features common in much of Northern Europe and is also not exclusive to the region either.
So this explained why the girls where I come from overwhelmingly didn't appeal to me even if they were the ones with their "feature boosts", it's because I come from an area where most the Whites are primarily of British and Irish descent and then after that it wold be Italian, followed by Greek and then while much further behind the other four, French would be the next major group. Much of the cuisine, events, clubs and the like are themed after those groups here as a result. There isn't much deviation outside that as we don't get many Germans, Dutch, Scandinavians or Slavs like other parts of the country. I suppose you could make a case for Spain due to the huge Latino community here and how many of them are descended from Spaniards and how it's easy to find ones that could pass as actual Spaniards look wise. All in all, my region seems to dominate on British, Irish and South(west) European ancestry and culture.
I looked back at as many White woman celebrity, model, video game, comic, actress or anything of the sort I had ever thought was physically amazing, compared features or researched their background and it lined up with what I found. They overwhelmingly were of German, Dutch, Northern French or Scandinavian descent. Granted there were a few that weren't of that descent or even of that region of Europe but it was something like 85% of all women fitting that bill with the 15% making up ANY OTHER KIND OF WOMAN be it White of any other kind or otherwise. Those numbers don't seem too different today despite it being about 8 years later after me "figuring things out".
Think about most of what you just read if you're a brave enough soul to have done so. I started off saying I liked White women the most and said they outclassed Black women to me. I then specified that I only really liked ones from specific regions, then specified areas within the already specified regions and then specified features within the specified areas of the specified region. WTF?! How, how did I get here? Again, I have OCD so have insane attention to detail and love researching this so this type of detail I do with most things in my life automatically so I'm not thinking about it when it happens and all this is is me breaking down things to explain why this is but still, there is no way in hell you'd think I was Black or anything but a White supremacist if I never told you the former fact of myself.
I used to be so disgusted by it that I swore off dating White women in general but that didn't last since, I don't romantically click with most Black women despite being able to be good friends with them whereas I seem to have natural chemistry with a lot of White women. Some people have commented on how interesting it is to them that my appeal to women noticeably switches between Black and White women in areas. I've asked Black and White woman about this and according to most, I just have this "aura" that can attract White women romantically despite attracting most platonically (though I notice women in Germany and Australia are the most receptive to it romantically) and that it has the opposite effect on Black women though they confirmed it was nothing negative. So that was a relief at least but also made me feel like I wasn't good enough for Black women which is ironic given everything I just shared here. I wasn't sad or mad but it made me think that if I did find Black women the best and wanted to exclusively date them, that I would struggle badly due to my aura not being one many like romantically.
Most Black men that feel this way are PROUD of these things, brag or openly slam Black women and intentionally try and pedestal White woman. Even when it comes to the ones I like, I treat them normally. Them being physically attractive is just what gets my attention but after that everything else is the same as them just being a girl you're attracted to and what to hit on or are dating in the case of some of my exes.
These guys also usually have trauma, are the "weirdos" or HATE their mom, sisters or something and they take it out by pedestalling White women to the degree of it not mattering what she looks like and often they are VERY unattractive, trashy or highly undesirable to most anyone. Not something I can do as even with my preferences I have standards and I also think the whole "my girlfriend/Wife being x and x, a model or hot" as a sign of success or a guy being amazing is stupid anyway so don't partake in it. While I've had my issues and clashes in my life I don't have those issues with my mom, family, community or think that way. I just for w/e reason came to be this way that started early and was never about hat
Still, I am DISGUSTED by being this way but sadly there is more and this goes beyond the insane OCD, attention to detail and preferences and make me feel very White supremacist and guilty beyond words. I like contrasts as a whole when it comes to interior decorating, art, fashion, makeup (things I am also into a lot as it meshes well with my OCD). You name it. So even in other relationship aspects, I think White male and Asian female is a great looking combo and more appealing than White-White or Asian-Asian. Perhaps to some this would explain a lot or even everything but, where it gets out of control (if it isn't already) is children. I don't want children for many reasons but something hit me during one of my guilt moments about this. I've seen a ton of mixed Black and White children that were beautiful and favored both parents or even the White one mostly and rarely entirely but still, Black genes dominant more than not.
If I were to have a daughter and she looked like me even if her mom was White, what the hell could I tell her about finding her beautiful or her not feeling beautiful? She's going to grow up in a world where people are going to see her as lesser for being or looking like a Black woman even if she were the hottest looking Black woman of all time. She'd going to want reassurance and most likely need it throughout her life and I as of her father can't give her any that would be valid because I prefer women that are her opposite. All the more telling if her mother were White. That is absolutely horrible and sad thing is, I KNOW this happens to many children. It has to given there is favoritism among Black children based on skin tone and hair type among Black parents all the time. I have seen it case so many issues and don't want to put her through that. Yet if she looked White it wouldn't be a problem and I would find her prettier deep down given my tastes. I just can't do that to my daughter.
Would I raise a White daughter even if it was another man's child or adopted over a Black one that was my own just because the White one would grow up to be beautiful? Not certain but seems possible and that alone makes it why I should never have kids, as that's the most screwed up thing of all here and I already said a LOT of those things that would understandably offend a LOT of people even though I'm not trying to and they are for whatever reason, my natural feelings.
Also notice how I said daughter every time. As much as I don't see myself being a parent, if I did have them I don't want sons so would only be open to having kids through IVF so that the gender could be chosen and it could be a girl every time. I have 5 sisters, am the only boy and was raised primarily by Black women (which makes my White woman love that much more confusing and hard on me) and there were more girls in the family I had to babysit or be placed around as a kid since there are way more in my family so, it's more natural for me be surrounded by them and know what to do. Me being into fashion of all kinds and liking beauty in women also would help.
Where as with boys, I'm hard pressed to follow or like much anything they do besides talk about hot women, food and video games. If they grow up a jock type or the "everyday Black guy" it would be a disaster due to how different they were and we don't click. As much as my dad and I love each other, and have some noticeable overlaps, we don't really click that much due to being so different from each other.
So yeah, that's my sick and twisted mind, my utter guilt and shame for it being apart of me and me being unable to rid myself of it even being openly aware of it for 8+ years now. Thank you for reading this far if you are as crazy as me. I'm sure many of you will hate me, especially any Black people, namely Black women and I understand and agree with your hatred as well if you do. I certainly hate myself for all of this being apart of me. It is nice to have an outlet to get it out though since I have NEVER shared it until now and it's been eating away at me for so long.
Tl;dr I like White women (that are most commonly the type White supremacists tend to pedestal) more than everybody else, it affects a lot of things in my life and hate that I can't change it.
EDIT:
I thought about this after since saw a trans argument somewhere else. While, I have zero interest in being a trans person and don't feel like another race or gender, if I could have ever chosen to be any race or gender, I would be the type of White woman I'm into. A hot tall, pale, blue eyed, freckled, red haired Northern European woman that was into fashion, shoes, nails, hair, makeup and a total bad ass. I'm also into gothic sub culture and paleness and the presentation is a major element in that as well. Hm, maybe that is the real reason I am so into them. Maybe I'll never truly know.
Submitted August 04, 2019 at 11:18AM by DragoFlame https://ift.tt/2ZrB3B4
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