Hello. I wish this is made up but it's not and I'm really struggling to deal right. Also please buckle in for a hella long ass story I have tried my best to condense, please ask for more information if needed.
I need to preface this story by explaining the relationships and what is going on.
I am one of 7 children. M.38yo, M.28yo. F.23yo (me). F.22yo. F.13yo. M.10yo. F.8yo.
My dad (T) had a relationship with first wife and had M.38yo.
My mum (R) was technically a sidechick to her boyfriend and had M.28yo at 19. This boyfriend also got his other girlfriend pregnant at the same time and my 28yo brother has a half brother born a month apart from him. My mum's pregnancy did not result in her boyfriend in staying with her but he is actually happily married to the woman he also got pregnant.
My mum and dad met. They had me 23yo and my sister 22yo. They stayed together for a couple of years but things weren't great. My dad taught martial arts where he met a lot of people. Consequently he (at 46yo) met a 17yo girl (A) and started a relationship. When she turned 18 he left my mum and moved in with the new girl.
My dad married (A) had three children while together. They are now 13, 10 and 8. However at 61 my dad cheated again with another martial arts student. This went on for 2 years and they split up this year. His current girlfriend (AM) has 3 children 16, 11, 9. I don't know them but they're all martial arts student under him.
My former stepmother is now dating a man, who is divorced and is still very close with his ex wife as she is a lesbian. (I got to find out this by going to my 13yo sisters birthday dinner and getting sprung by my dad, my ex stepmum new boyfriend, his ex wife, her new partner, the mother of the ex wife and their four children). Disclaimer I have nothing against this dynamic but I'll explain further.
I honestly wish at this point it's starting to sound unbelievable but please bare with me.
So I do not have a healthy relationship with any form of parent. My mum suffers from mental illness but doesn't believe in medication, vaccinations and the likes. My dad was physically and verbally abusive during my childhood. (I would like to point out while we did get hit, belted and smacked with objects I don't consider it too extreme like some people suffer through). A my original stepmother was very, very, very young when we met. She was very immature and still today I believe that she hasn't really mentally matured. She's very nasty like a young highschooler, manipulative and lies. So all in all these messes of humans brought lots of little humans into the picture.
I have tried my best to maintain relationships with these people because I truly thought it was me who was the problem. Anytime any parent did not want to speak to me for whatever reason they were going through I would often be told "you can't even maintain a relationship with parent? I think that says a lot about your personality than it does them. Imagine a parent not wanting to speak their own child". Though at the same time it never stopped them from bitching about the others.
Alright so the story has not begun yet. Here we go.
So my relationship with my dad ended when he deleted me off Facebook because I called him out publicly about his affair. I was okay with that, we weren't close. My relationship with A began to get rocky as she started being an 18yo she never got to be. She started going on tinder and acting immature and telling me about it all. I didn't really want to hear about it or be involved so I just slowly backed away, went to dinners at her house occasionally to see my siblings. I went to birthdays and invited them over for sleepovers.
My sister turned 13 the other week and I thought it was time for her to have a mobile phone. She walks to and from school by herself everyday and in my opinion warranted a phone. A and I previously discussed it and she said it could be a good idea and was already thinking about it. So that's what my sister got for her birthday, a very cheap android phone on a $15 prepaid plan for texting.
Now due to not visiting as frequently A was not too happy with me. I wasn't keeping up with what she was doing and hadn't met her new boyfriend and the likes. In turn the birthday present I got for my sister was not a welcome gift. The other presents she got for her birthday was a stuffed llama and black ugg boots. A 13yo girl got a stuffed llama for her birthday. I know my sister and the beautiful soul she is talked up that gift and did not mention the phone she had gotten as she could feel the tension over it. I also asked to have my sister over for just a girls sleepover for her birthday. (I had already asked permission from A through message if this was okay and the response was I would have to ask my sister because she may not even want to see me). My sister was very excited and said yes to a sleepover straight away.
Flash to two days later and my sister is dropped off for her sleepover. We get settled and I said to download Spotify and use our family account to listen to her music. No go. A had put on Family Link and made my sisters age to 11. She could not access anything. Couldn't access YouTube. Couldn't download any app without permission. Everything is visible on A's phone that my sister does. This phone is basically a massive invasion of privacy and was deliberately set that way as if she put my sisters age in as 13 she would have more access to apps etc. (Now I am not against the family link. I get it. She's not my child. However at 13 you are entitled to SOME privacy.)
So the poor girl can't text without texts being read or download apps or be a teenager. So we had a talk and I asked her about what's going on at home. I said "to me, I only see sadness in your eyes lately and I want to know what's going on". My partner (M.24) and I had a talk with her and we found out a lot. She knew about the two year affair my dad was having, how she just gets yelled by A all the time and when asked to spend more of her time at dad's got yelled at for loving the other parent more. She's unhappy at home and feels like she cops the brunt of A's anger no matter what's going on. (which is quite similar to my childhood with A and my dad, except it was my sister f.22 who coped the brunt of the anger between A and dad). Basically she's just very unhappy about the entire situation, feels lonely and sad all the time.
Now me knowing the exact feelings I messaged A and said "why can she not download any apps? She's 13, YouTube and Spotify isn't exactly filled with porn". Not the most mature message however I received a phone call and was yelled at from here to the next town over. I told her "shut the fuck up for one second and listen. Your daughter is 13, you lied and said she's 11 so you could have complete and total control over what she does". She hung up on me and then rung my sister. In the most calm voice she told her that she's worried about me, my mental health is not great, I just yelled at her and swore and she is scared for my sister that I may be hurting her and to please call her or the police at any point if she needs to. I have never been so fucking mad.
Instead of dwelling on the lies, which my sister knows isn't true because she heard the phone conversation A had with me, we decided to go to the beach and walk the dogs. We went out and had a good afternoon just not talking about anything really. When we got home we did what she wanted to do and just talked some more. She asked about our sister (T, 22yo) and why she moved away. She was told she moved to get away from them and that she did not want to see her again. I told her that's not true, she moved with her boyfriend and wanted to live near the snow and that she always asks about you guys because she's been told she can't see you guys. I got T,22yo on the phone so they could talk to each other.
8hours later, a whole YouTube Taylor Swift concert and just having fun my sisters are still facetiming before we go to bed. A really nice night. A nice morning the next day where we watch TV together and I drop her off at dad's and we text each other constantly until she goes back to A's. Radio silence. Knowing A she's probably ripped my sister a new one, lied about me and read her texts between us just talking. I was worried because I hadn't spoken to her for a week at all and I go to see if she's okay. She's okay but I'm not allowed on the property. I tell my sister I love her and she says she's fine and to please stop. My brother 10yo and sister 8yo didn't even look at me. Somethings happened and they've been told something. I go home crying and ask my partner what to do. He says to maybe leave it, she knows I love her and she'll be okay. I tell him that I know what they're going through and when you feel so sad and lonely you don't know whether anyone cares or is even fighting for you. I decided I should go see my dad to talk and see if we can sort something out where I can see my siblings once a week just for the afternoon.
I go see my dad at his martial arts business a few days later to see if we could make a time to talk. He tells me we either talk then or never. I feel the fear creep in with this man and I try my best to say I think something is going on at home with my sister, she is very sad and lonely. She is 13 and can't access YouTube or music or have any form of privacy. I was told he doesn't allow YouTube in his household because it's terrible (he is always on it) and antisocial. My sister is fine at home and if I step on that property again they will call the police and forcibly remove me. I told him that I'm allowed to see my siblings and he out of nowhere said "what?! Are you gonna hit me or something" and I just say uh no. Um I just came to talk. It goes on and I inform him that A's new boyfriend has been texting odd things to my sister and he said he didn't know that. I told him why would anyone want to talk to him when we get spoken to like this. Anyways it goes on and he tells me to leave I'm not welcome there or at the house. I just leave and go home crying there's no point.
So now I'm here about a week or so later just so confused. I'm scared of my dad, I want nothing to do with A and I want nothing more than to scoop my siblings up in my arms and just take them away. I want to be apart of their lives but I don't even know how to begin. I don't want them to feel the same fear and loneliness the rest of us felt throughout our entire childhood with the trauma we still deal with. I want them to know I fought tooth and nail to be apart of their lives so they can become healthy adults.
TL;DR this long ass fuck of a story. Family messed up beyond fucking comprehension. Younger siblings caught in the midst of it all. Don't know how I can still be apart of their lives.
Submitted August 28, 2019 at 04:05PM by muaddicted https://ift.tt/2ZyoFyk
No comments:
Post a Comment