I'm not really sure how to start this - I'm a little flabbergasted with the events of Friday evening.
I've been NC with my alcoholic nmom for close to a year. In November, she slashed my tires ( totally unprovoked) and I hadn't heard anything from her since.
2 weeks ago, police brought her to my door at 2am saying they picked her up and she needs somewhere to stay. Apparently she gave them my address. I refused them and said unfortunately, she cannot come in my home.
A few days later, I receive a text from my older brother asking if I've heard from as her boyfriend told him she has been missing for a week, is homeless, and needs medical attention. As much as I do not wish to interact with my mother, I feel like any reasonable human would at least make sure she is alive. I called around to the local hospitals and could figure out she had been admitted to 2 different hospitals in the time she had been missing.
My dad (her ex-husband whom I live with), upon hearing how worried I was, started driving around the shadier areas of the city to see if he could find her. He spent 3 days looking for her because he knew I was worried and upset. He eventually found her in a park by the river - She had been beat up quite badly. It turns out the night I refused her, she was dropped off at a hospital by the police but left on her own 30 mins later. She told my dad that she had been drugged, raped, severely beat and woke up in the homeless shelter the next morning with injuries she claimed were indicative of a sexual assault. She said she had a fight with her bf's landlord and was not able to come back to the home where she lived, had no money, no vehicle (DUIs & fines for no insurance/registration/suspended license mean her car was impounded), and that her and her dog had been sleeping outside in the park.
I am human. This broke my heart. I couldn't imagine how scared and awful she must feel after something like that happening. I know I could not live with myself if we did not help her. She has done some truly horrific things to me but I just can't leave someone on the streets to die. I thought maybe this is rock bottom and I might be able to get her into treatment. She's a narc without the alcohol but if she isn't drinking at least she can get her life together and stop needing us to save her. My dad and I gave her 200 dollars each, of cash, to help get her on her feet.
My dad and I came to the agreement that she could spend a couple nights in our camping trailer in our back yard until she and her bf could find another place to live together. Her bf was welcome to stay with her if it made her feel safer.
The first night(Thursday), this man shit in my backyard. I walked outside to bring my mom a coffee and there is a human shit on my cement parking pad. Apparently he did not want to make me uncomfortable (I'm female) by going into my suite and using the bathroom at night, so he instead pooped where my dogs poop. He said he would clean it so I decided not to press & just let it go. Later on, my dad told them they could both use MY bathroom if they need to. I wasn't terribly pleased by this as she's been known to be destructive with other people's items, but it's just a bathroom right?
On the morning of the second night (Friday), I went to use my toilet, lifted the lid and saw that there was human shit smeared and caked all over the seat. I assumed that man must have been the pooper. I cried and went to leave the house but my dad saw me upset so I told him about mess I had to clean before I was able to sit & pee. He assured me he would speak with them about it and allowed me to use his washroom until they leave. When he spoke to my mom later on, she laughed telling him that it was her. Apparently she shit her pants this morning and sat on my toilet seat. She said she thought she cleaned it and thought it was very funny. Seems like a passive aggressive lash out to me, but OK, NP/
Through talking to her, it became clear that she was definitely beat up when she was drunk at a bar but there was not a sexual assault. I'll avoid typing my exact reasons for knowing this to avoid being graphic, but it is very clear this did not happen. My dad and I decided we made a bad judgment call having them stay on our property. We spent another couple hundred to reserve a hotel room for them until Tuesday night.
When we told them this, they were shocked, not happy. We explained it was better bc they can shower and watch TV and have privacy they don't have in our backyard. My mom exclaimed that they are happy to be squatters and they couch surf often. Weird, but at this point we just want them to leave. This was at 3pm. By 8pm, they still had not left. At my dad's advice, I went outside with my boyfriend and casually asked when they plan to go to the Hotel and let them know I think they have to be checked in by 9pm. Her bf told me she had been drinking all afternoon(despite being told NO ALCOHOL on our property - The only rule besides pooping in a toilet) and was sleeping it off in the trailer - When I looked at the trailer she was awake and staring at me out the window. Her bf gave me a very curt "yeah thanks". I left to get fast food, maybe 15-20 minutes, left the back door unlocked (again, in case she needed to pee) and came back.
When I came home, I came through the front entrance so as to avoid walking by them again. My drunk mother must not have realized I was in the house when she stormed inside and started destroying my bathroom. I could hear her slamming the bathroom door, banging the cupboards and drawers, kicking & throwing things and pacing up and down the stairs.
At this point, I had to weigh out the risks. Do I catch her off guard, whip open the bathroom door and tell her to get the fuck out? She's notoriously volatile & violent, even moreso when she is drunk. I have a black belt in martial arts... I am not scared of confrontation but I do not need this situation escalating to the point where she could call the police and claim I attacked her or something. Plus no one wants to fight a 50 year old woman. I made the decision to grab my cat, lock myself in my bedroom, and just wait for her to leave. Her bf was packing up their car so I knew they'd have to be leaving eventually.
I was locked in my room listening to the sounds of destruction for about 30 minutes. I saw 2 pairs of feet go by my basement window and I knew now it was safe to go look at the damage. As soon as I opened my bedroom door I could see my entire makeup collection had been thrown around the basement. Eye shadow palettes smashed in the sink, mascaras & eyeliners thrown all over the place, perfume & nail polishes had been used as projectiles, my shoes pulled off the shoe rack and kicked around. Cleaning supplies from under the sink had been literally thrown at walls. She threw dirty used tissues all over the floor.
I saw red. I ran upstairs and saw the car about to leave. I bolted out the back door and ran after them. I could not let her act so disgustingly and get away with no consequences. When she saw me from the passenger seat, she smiled bc she thought I just got home and was coming to say "Bye". Instead, I banged on the glass and motioned to open the window. Immediately I started SCREAMING at her "what did you do to my bathroom?" "Why did you throw my things?" " What did you do to my makeup?" She denied any knowledge and I said "YOU picked things up and THREW THEM what is wrong with you?" She claimed she had no idea what I was talking about and said "oh honey I will come inside and clean it". I leaned in the window, up close to her face and I yelled "You will NEVER come in my house ever again you disgusting pig!" I looked at her bf, who was obviously clueless, and said "You fucking drive. You get off my property right fucking NOW" He started to drive away and I went to turn but my mom was hanging out the window slurring "I'm just trying to get it together, sweetie I don't know what I did". He started reversing so I turned back, looked the bf in the eyes and said "The only way this is going to get any better for anyone is if you leave immediately. You do not want to know what's coming next." He hesitated. I said, aggressively, "Get the fuck away from here NOW. FUCKING DRIVE" and he pulled away quickly. I flipped her off one last time as they pulled away.
I'm glad I did, because as I calmed down a bit and started cleaning up the mess I realized that while she was wrecking my bathroom & main area, she stole some D&G mascara, Marc Jacobs mascara, MAC eyeliners, a few other luxury beauty items and some hair care. About $250 in products total and a really cool sugar skull towel I loved. My dad was out so I just sent him a text saying I yelled at her, she's gone now, but that I need to talk to him when he is home. At the same time, she was calling him and sending him messages saying I am a crazed lunatic, cow, bitch, entitled, psychotic and I should lose my well-paying job bc of my horrible temper. I should remember where I came from and stop being such a crazy, angry girl. Some of these she is slurring and wailing so you can't even tell what she is saying. She claims that when I asked when they would go to the hotel, I was "giving them the gears" and yelling at them to leave. She does not mention anything about the bathroom.
When my dad got home, I explained my side and he told me it's OK that I stood up for myself (I've tolerated A LOT from her) and that he wasn't going to let me feel bad about it. After I went to bed that night he watched the footage, confirmed I did nothing wrong, and told me the next morning he was laughing like hell at his "little gangster" and thought it was kind of awesome the way I told her off. We were also to see that she was so drunk before she went inside to my bathroom that she was hardly able to stand. We saw her handing a bundle of something (wrapped in my SUPER COOL SKULL TOWEL) to her bf before he helped her get into the car.
My dad and my BF were kind enough to replace most of my makeup (I'm still salty about the towel though.. in case you can't tell.. lol) and they helped me clean up so the damage is minimal. If anything, I feel this was a small price to pay to confirm for myself that no matter how bad her circumstances are, that I cannot take pity and allow her into my world. I'm still really shocked by the events so it's been helpful to type it all out and process the narc craziness I just endured.
TLDR: Allowed homeless nmom to stay with me, she returns the favour by shitting all over my toilet seat, laughing about it, then later steals my expensive makeup &destroys my bathroom.
EDIT: My dad just called to let me know he visited her at her hotel room today and saw my makeup brushes and some rolling papers and some other things she clearly stole from me. He will be going back later to kick her out as the hotel room is in HIS name. Thank goodness I have him when my mother is such a sorry excuse.
Submitted August 18, 2019 at 09:18PM by Killer_Kass https://ift.tt/31Jx43F
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