Throwaway for obvious reasons.
Let me start by saying I was not abused. I've been given a decent childhood, and my parents love me and provide for my needs, even if they used to be a bit controlling. But that doesn't change the fact that I think my dad is an annoying fucker that needs to shut the fuck up before I make him shut up. I very regularly have violent fantasies about killing or torturing him, as I will elaborate on below.
On to the rant.
My dad is pathetic. He is fucking insecure about his relationship with me, and he damn right should be, but he doesn't need to throw his disgusting insecurities in my face either. He always all "hey let's go have a family dinner together!" even when everyone isn't in the fucking mood, and when we're on vacation or something and we want to split up because we want to do different things, he'll be all like "but noooo we should do it as a FAMILY!" Like shut the fucking hell up you clingy bitch, you only make the concept of family less and less appealing as time goes on. I will walk where I want to fucking walk, and I will have dinner if and when I want to fucking have dinner. Once or twice I can compromise, but you'd better believe all your pathetic whining only makes you sounds like a little BITCH, and nobody wants to have dinner or go on vacation with A LITTLE BITCH!!! And when I pose an outright rejection of his requests because I am not putting up with his shit, suddenly he turns from insecure whining bitch into Head Of Family, pulling his authority card and going all "hurr durr I'm the man of the family, and hence I am the leader, so you all must listen to me and do as I say! For it is God's decree that the man shall be the leader of the household blah blah etc" I am not even shitting you, he said this shit to my mother, saying that his opinion overrides hers because God says so and shit, which is based on (his very subjective interpretation of) some verse in the Bible. He's only lucky my mom still puts up with him. I can't imagine why she would marry this prick in the first place. And the most disgusting part of it all is that he's always all "oh I love my kids!" and he tells us that in person as well but I'll be damned if I have the eternal love and affection of some freaking shitgoblin like him. I just want to be fucking left alone and to live my own damn life, is that so fucking much to ask???????
And despite all this disgusting insecure family bullshit, he still thinks other people seek to consult his opinion on everything under the fucking sky, even though half the time he's wrong and the other half the time he's irrelevant. He is such a backseat driver. Literally anything I do, he has to make some annoying comment, or provide some stupid fucking suggestion that I don't even need or have already considered, and act like he knows it all and force his opinions on me. Even though sometimes his advice is sound (these occasions are rare), I want to fucking experience life on my own, I want to make my own mistakes and figure my own shit out, not follow some poorly written guidebook in the form of the trash that comes out of his mouth. I will ask for advice WHEN I FUCKING WANT IT. He gives advice on the most idiotic things, and acts like his way is always the best way. Like how about you shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.
Everything he does is unnecessarily loud; I don't whether it is to attract attention, or because he's just a disgusting slob of a man. He lets out this loud, disgusting groan when he sits down, and again when he gets up, when he climbs the stairs, after a burp, or fart, LITERALLY ANYTHING. His groans scream "oh I am in such pain, expending such effort, watch me exist in such noble suffering!" Like Jesus fucking Christ, just shut the fuck up and stop existing already. The entire car sinks and groans when he drops, nay, throws his ass into the driver's seat. It repulses me and I never ever want to see his face or hear him speak. This man is irritating like a fucking rash. Living with him is like 24/7 wearing clothes made out of coarse straw with fleas nesting in them. I would almost rather kill myself than have to subject myself to exposure to this wreck of a living being. Then again, of course the ideal scenario would be me killing him instead.
His self-righteous Christianity is perhaps the worst thing about him. Everywhere he goes, he tries to talk to random people or friends and asks them very intruding questions to try to convince them that christianity is the one true religion and all that bullshit. It's embarrassing and rude and irritating. He'll be telling random cab drivers about Jesus on our way to the airport, and I only feel so fucking sorry for them because they have no choice but to politely listen since my dad is a paying customer. He forced me to go to church until I started locking myself in my room on Sundays so he couldn't drag me out. And he loves to start these "intellectual" debates and giving me bullshit proof and all about why God exists and why we should worship him and blah blah blah, as if religion isn't a personal choice that each person has the right to make for themself. And you know what? In an alternate universe, if I was born into a religiously neutral family and given my own time to evaluate and make my choices by myself, I'd probably be Christian right now! But HELL FUCKING NO to that in this reality, because this disgusting man is a constant reminder of how idiotic and nauseating Christians can be, and I never want to surround myself with such obnoxious pricks. And if I suddenly became Christian now, my dad would be all smug and act like this was all his doing, like "Oh I have successfully persuaded you with my logic and facts! Hah, demons begone, I have saved my daughter from Satan! I am smart and have the girthiest dick!" Like, go fuck yourself with a cactus, I would rather burn in hell than spend eternity in heaven with you.
I want to hurry and grow the fuck up and get my own financial independence so I can get the fuck out of this house and never see him again (though I'll probably still have to see him because I am on decent terms with my mother, but at least it'll be less irritating.) But while I live in this house, I will get by with violent fantasies of me shooting him in the head with those bolt guns they use to kill cattle. Or kicking him so hard in the balls that they fly off and spurt blood everywhere. I want to pull his fingernails and toenails off with pliers, cut off his dick, stick the nails in his disembodied dick and force him to eat the whole mess, and when he shits it out, I'll force him to eat the shit again. I'd fucking clone him 8 times and arrange them in a human centipede circle to maximise his torture. And I'll buy a tank full of cockroaches and rats and locusts and mosquitos and fire ants and slugs and dead fish and live fish and mix it all up nicely and throw him inside with all his disgusting clones and let them ferment in there for a month, while I listen to the sweet sounds of his screaming and pleading outside the tank, sitting in a comfy chair with a bag of chips and a bottle of gatorade. But most of all, I want to punch him really hard in the face with my own fist and fracture his face. I'll have to train for a few years in martial arts to toughen out my fist to be able to do it without hurting myself, but it'll be worth it, because there is nothing more invigorating and visceral than personally feeling his bones crunch under my fist. I want to be the inflictor of the damage, and I want to FEEL his skull give way and my knuckles mashing into his disgusting, oily flesh. Only then would my hatred be fully satisfied.
Submitted July 28, 2019 at 08:30PM by deficthrow https://ift.tt/2LL5LSG
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