I am just so tired of everything. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Lately, I have been sensitive (I am crying for no reason atm) and I am having mood swings and I am irritable so almost anything can get me mad.
Nothing feels real anymore I still feel like I am a never ending dream and I feel like my body isn't mine. Also feel like I am some auto mode. When ever I get stress, mad or feel down I have urge to hurt myself and sadly I have lately. I dig my nails into my palm till stings the marks fade quickly I have been able to hide it. I used to scratch myself till there was a red and inflamed mark but I no longer use this method. Also lately I enjoy standing on hot pavement and touching hot metal (got hot from the sun) since I love feeling the burning sensation and when doing dishes I put the water a bit hot to hurt myself.
I am not happy with my life and I feel like a failure even things that I do well in still does not make me proud. Lately, I have no desire or motivation to do anything even thing that I used to like such as video games, art and science. Additionally, I easily get stressed which leads to me lashing out at people (verbally) or to cry.
I wish this sh*t will go away I have been depressed for ~6 months and I just so tired of it. T_T
It started in college and ultimately due to stress. Note I have ADHD so I take meds to help me focus. However, later on I realized the dose was too low and I could not see my doc since I was in college and I can't drive (more on that later) and what if the increased dose is too much was another issue. This lead to my struggling to focus most of the time or me putting things off or me hyper-focusing on YT or computer games. This then lead the stress due to time and I work slower (at least that is what I think) and lack if sleep since it would take me FOREVER to complete the task.
Yes, I got the meds fixed.
One reason why I feel like a failure is because I don't act my age. Like I can't drive since I ALWAYS have a panic attack and fail the test (this has happened three times!!) nor I work because I can't drive and I am pretty sure I will fail at it and get fired anyways. It does not help that my cousin works and drives and he is around the same age he makes me feel so worthless. And I am pretty sure he does not have ADHD --lucky >:( --
Going to see someone tomorrow hope it'll help.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thx!
Submitted July 30, 2019 at 03:17AM by ToonlinkFTW890 https://ift.tt/2YsX8Ok
No comments:
Post a Comment