Everyone wants to take a jab at men who don't do certain things, or engage in certain behaviors seen as toxic. Maybe my definition of "toxic Masculinity" is flawed, but blame that on all of the radical feminists who told me everything from Iron Man to wrestling is "toxic". I am sick of the forced standards that are supposed to tell me how I should live, what I should do, and how I should respond to everything. Also, I hate how homophobia and misogyny are automatically listed as "toxic masculinity", like women are super tolerant of gay people. Also, misogyny has never been considered inherently masculine; how many of us were taught that being a man involves kicking a woman's ass?
Stopping misogyny is one thing, but trying to tell me how I should live my life and respond to people is entirely different. Firstly, I do not cry, I won't cry in front of people, I will not express my deep emotional states in front of people, and I will not show excessive vulnerability. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, I see it as a sign of weakness within myself, and I was not raised to emotionally expose myself to the world at large. Why does the world need to see me cry or express excessive emotion? Sucking it up helps me get through shit because breaking down over it won't fix a damned thing. I don't think most of these feminists have actually thought about the fact that maybe not crying is how some people deal with crap that is entering their lives. Plus, I have had weak moments, and every single time I have ever had one, what came of it was far worse than if I had simply sucked it up in the first place. My emotions are not for the world at large, and leave me alone about it.
Second, if I get angry over some bullshit, I have the right to be that way, and stay that way. People get offended at the idea that men are aggressive, and some of us get fighting mad over stuff? Listen, I don't think violence or anger is always the answer... but when I get violent or angry, it is for a good reason in my head. No one is going to tell me that I shouldn't respond with anger because it is "toxic". That anger is what I feel most comfortable. I fight, argue, get mad, yell, talk intensely, and do shit. The minute a guy gets angry, the whole world is supposed to be messed up, but I don't see anyone addressing females with equally messed up attitudes (because it is ok of course if women engage in toxic masculinity behaviors). Everyone wants guys to be softer and more emotive while being less aggressive, but for a lot of us, it is not in our nature, and we wouldn't change it. I won't stop fighting back in the face on injustices simply because someone else wants a softer, easier to control human punching bag.
Next, regarding teaching boys how to be men: STOP with the chastising about what men teach boys. Women have no idea what it is like to stand in our shoes, yet too many of them want to talk down to us about what we choose to teach our boys. First off, we teach boys to whine excessively because whining gets you nowhere in life. Hell, even girl children shouldn't whine excessively about life because of how unfair life naturally is. Second, we will teach boys the gender roles that we have, and we will not slow down with it. Teaching boys to stand up, take charge, be leaders, and to try their best to be their best is nothing short of amazing. Encouraging boys to be great things is also not going to change; I want my hypothetical daughter and son to be great people with great careers. Also, if I pass down my martial arts, weight lifting, and other "manly" activities (they are not even uniquely manly. They are good life skills often associated with manhood that are still great to have), I will do so. If I don't want my son putting lipstick on, wearing dresses, and acting prissy, I will teach him not to because that is not what men do. Women do that to increase their feminine beauty, and my son has feminine beauty to worry about as a kid.
In regards to emasculation, that is what teaching boys to stand up is for. If someone tries to emasculate you, you emasculate him or her (kind of like men have to in face of radical feminism). The world will be harsh on you, kids are mean, people do mean things, and no one wants to be picked on... but there are two sides to this. On one end, boys should not be made fun of if they aren't ultra macho tough guys, but on the other end, why shouldn't we encourage each other to man up sometimes? People see what we say to each other as bullying, but sometimes, what we say to each other needs to be heard. Telling someone to man up doesn't necessarily always mean "stop being girly", sometimes it means to put your foot down and stop being a victim. Sometimes it means pull yourself together. Sometimes, it means stop allowing the world to run over you. We don't constantly bully each other...
Plus, being a victim feels worse than standing up does. I also see that men "never let themselves be victims", but who the FUCK wants to be a victim? Why should I, or anyone else, mentally submit to this planet, society, or people? What do I get out of embracing a victim mentality? Hell, I am black. A victim mentality means that I will leave in a perpetual state of defeat and misery if I give in to a victim mentality. Refusing to be a victim is how you get shit to change.
Lastly, I hear all about how our body image issues, what we like to do, and our fiction is toxic masculinity. First of all, everyone has body image issues, and you either have two choices: get over it or change it. As a person who was formerly skinny, I hated to look in mirrors, so I decided to work out and diet right until I looked up one day to find myself diesel. You can accept who you are, but that is not supposed to stop you from changing what you don't like. I'll be damned if we can live in a world where people can switch genders and are encouraged, but anyone who wishes to be built like Thor has to be shamed for that... when in fact, it is far easier and more likely that someone out of shape could easily get in shape. Next, my wrestling, martial arts, comics, and violent video games have defined a large part of my life (I want to be as strong as Batman), and they keep me entertained. All of these things are cultural, and the masculine images they produce are entertaining. who cars if they are all rooted in some kind of violence? The stuff is fun, it doesn't make a bad person, the masculine imagery has inspired tons of people to do all sorts of things, and I THOUGHT these kind of things transcended masculine-feminine borders due to all the women who like these thing and get inspired by them too. Also, little boys being rough and play fighting is fun for them, and it was fun for me when I was little. I don't know why some people want to scrutinize little boys for normal activities (activities girls also engage in if given the opportunity), but little kids like to run around, have fun, wrestle, and do other things. Fucking with kids over a bunch of identity politics they don't understand is wrong.
Lastly, our fiction is not realistic because not everyone in real life looks like supermodels, and the guy doesn't get the girl most times... but hey, that is why it's fantasy, right? You can self insert and enjoy the fantasy, that is large goal of story telling, and if some women want women to be the main character in this, it is possible to do so in the exact same way for men. I don't see why our enjoyment and storytelling has to change so much when all you have to do is appeal to the female ego like the male one to create stories that are just as fun. Boys want to be the manly man that beats up the bad guy and pulls the girl. Why not just make something about an awesome woman who beats up the bad guy and pulls the boy if it such a big deal? Instead, we are starting to get more of the atypical Steven Universe-esque bullshit that is aimed at girls. Not only that, but everything is being tamed down from appearances to storytelling in order to step away from the "male fantasy", because of course "She-Ra" looking like a woman and not being gay was simply for little boys to get off to and not something good for little girls to idolize. It is almost as if these radical feminists want everyone to be out of shape, soft, ultra compliant, and unable to speak up for themselves. Scaling down fantasy elements to insert identity politics in kids who just want to see an adventure is borderline evil.
The truth is, I believe that is okay for men to show emotions. I believe it is okay for an adult man to paint nails, wear dresses, and do whatever. I believe it is okay to be soft... I believe it is okay to be who you WANT to be, something anti-"toxic masculinity" people don't care about. They want to force a large amount of men to be away from what they are comfortable with to satisfy their personal agendas/vendettas. I also believe it is okay to raise children to stand up for themselves, and to engage in gender specific behaviors. If my son grows up to want to put on skinny jeans, paint nails, and be super sensitive, I can't stop him. However, I am not going to raise him with those things. I am going to raise him as a regular man, and if one day he chooses to be a different kind of man, that is on him, but I will not purposefully indoctrinate him on something most men aren't naturally inclined towards. I am not going to beat down anyone's door to tell them how to raise their kid, so don't come near mine. Also, for anyone who thinks that I don't know what toxic masculinity is, blame the people who taught me with their words and actions. If you want to narrow the scope of the definition of toxic masculinity, some of you need to take steps to make sure it gets narrowed. Boys will be boys, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Submitted June 04, 2019 at 04:29PM by Psionic_Travels http://bit.ly/2Ihou3X
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