Growing up the Daughter of a single nerdy Dad

I've been having a surprisingly hard time finding an appropriate subreddit for this I posted it up at r/TwoXChromosomes and someone suggested cross posting here. I figure this is at least appropriate here because it is about my experiences as the daughter of a single nerdy dad.

I have like 5 or 6 posts devoted to my mother and one to my father and my dad has been a much bigger and better influence on my life then my mom. he deserves a shout out.

My dad took me in when I was 8. My mom is a toxic alcoholic narcissist mess I am not going to go into the whole backstory of that If you're interested I have some posts made about my relationship with my mom and one about my current relationship with my dad you can find them in my post history but I understand that cross posting to threads is not encouraged so I wont link them here. This post is about my Dad and raising me.

My dad was always supportive of me. Always encouraged me to be whoever and whatever I wanted to be. He never reinforced any gender role with me. He encouraged my interests in comics and star wars, anime and video games (yea yea he was into that too so thats probably why but still) he never forced barbies on me or anything. He also never made me feel like I had to be the son he didn't have. He learned to do my hair, he painted my nails with me, he never balked when I showed interest in feminine things or girly clothes. He just let me be and like whatever I wanted. When it came time for prom and I just had to have this expensive prom dress or it would be the absolute end of the world and I would just die without it, he never made a big deal about it. He got it for me because it as important to me. Did he understand? That would be a big fat no. He didn't even go to his own prom, but he knew it was important to me.

Growing up as the daughter of a single dad can have its awkward moments, when it came time for my period Yes he did turn all kinds of shades of red. He went to the store came back with a box of tampons and pads handed me both and said I didn't know which you would prefer so you'll have to figure it out honey and he handed me a fresh pair of panties" But he never made me feel weird or bad or gross about it. This is a little embarrassing but I remember I cried and asked him if I was still his little girl and he just hugged me and told me it was ok and that it was nothing to be embarrassed about. He had ice cream and pizza waiting for me when I came down. We ate pizza ice cream and watched movies that night and the next day he let me stay home from school because I had cramps. He did tell me that I would have to learn to manage it because I couldn't always miss school or work. He also took me to an obgyn to make sure there were no problems. He would ALWAYS get me pads when I needed them no questions asked. He would never complain or question why I wanted the more expensive ones, he always made sure I had my favorite chocolates. I learned to not be ashamed or embarrassed about it. I learned not to be embarrassed talking to him about it.

As I got older I started popping out of my training bras, in another bit of awkward dad moment he took me to pink in a mall because he didnt know where else to go to have me measured for a proper fit. He told the sales ladies I didnt have a mom to help with this stuff and there (at the time) wasnt another woman to help him with this so he handed me his credit card told me what my spending limit was told the girls to help me pick a few age appropriate bras and we would get the majority of what I was gonna need at like target or something once I had my size. Then he told me he was going over to best buy and to call him when I was done lol.

My dad always encouraged my body autonomy. He always taught me my body belonged to no one but me. No one had any rights to it. I didnt owe anyone hugs or kisses or sex. I didnt even owe him hugs or kisses (but I never hold a hug back from my dad) I was interested in martial arts which he encouraged he has two black belts and he passed that on to me. Its become something we share. I was in middle school when I was groped. I put the guy in an armlock for it and humiliated him in front of the class. The guy had been doing dumb stuff to bother me all year but this was the first time he groped me. We both got in trouble with the school. The school tried to suspend me for fighting but my Dad would not hear of it. He argued with them that I had a right to defend my boundaries and that he taught me to do just that. They didnt walk it back because it was against policy to fight and I should have gotten a teacher or so they said but the important thing here is my dad had my back. My dad came to my defense. He was proud of me for standing up for myself and enforcing my boundaries and he told me the school was stupid. In the real world you may not be able to rely on teachers adults or the police to save you and sometimes you just have to defend yourself. This story isn't about me being r/iamverybadass it's about my dad having my back.

He never got mad. He would tell me I disappointed him and that was enough to make me feel bad with out blowing up and yelling and stuff.

My dad was never super controlling or over protective. He had the rules, make sure my chores where done, maintain at least a b average, dont have the police calling him about me. As long as I did what i needed to and I wasnt getting ion trouble with the cops or the school he gave me the freedom I wanted. If I screwed up he would tell me, tell me what I did wrong, usually ground me but he was never like crazy or controlling.

He was always really honest with me about his mistakes. He told me all the shit he pulled in hs all the drugs and trouble he got into and just told me not to repeat it. We had one of those agreements that if I was at a party and I felt unsafe or I was too drunk to drive or my ride was too drunk to drive to call him to come get me and there be no yelling or punishments. In the end he was more concerned with me being safe then him being right.

When it came to dating and sex, They had me when they were 17 so when I hit that age Dad had a talk with me about sex, and got me on birth control so i wouldn't wind up pregnant in highschool like my mom did. He never tried to do the whole "you cant have sex until I say so" thing he knew he was doing it at 16 everyone they knew were and I was going to at some point, so he just wanted to make sure I didn't repeat their mistakes. He taught me what to watch out for in predatory men, to see the signs of abusive or controlling men and to avoid it. He gave me the whole sex is special between people who love each other talk and reinforced body autonomy. He didn't exactly encourage me to bring boys or girls home but he we had a dont ask dont tell policy.

When I came out as Bi to him it was a no brainer. I wasn't afraid at all because I had years of trust built up with him and I just knew he would be on my side. He told me something thats turned out to be more true then I could have imagined then. He said I was going to face discrimination from everyone. That I will find straight people who will tell me theres no such thing as BI and I am just straight and want attention, or to tease men or confused, he said I will find gay people that will tell me I am a lesbian and I am just confused and then, I will find the straight guys who will immediately ask for a threesome. He told me they are all wrong. Dont let other people define your identity, be true to yourself and dont let people treat you like a sexual fetish or toy. My dad was right. Over the years I have gotten all of those. Just the other day I got a pm from a straight male saying that being bi was a mental illness and I cant count the amount of times telling a guy I am bi is followed with the ZOMG THREESOME remark.

Not too long ago I had a terrible date. This guy was being rude to the wait staff, drinking too much, he was loud obnoxious and very chauvinist. I was embarrassed to be out with him. When it came time for the check I paid my half so he had no illusions this was going to lead anywhere with me. He had picked me up but I told him he could just go. I called my dad to come get me. And my dad came. No questions asked.

The older I get the more I realize how special and amazing my dad is and Im so glad we have such a close and honest relationship. I can trust my dad with anything. I took him for granted growing up thinking all dads were as great as mine but no not every girl is as lucky as I was. My dad is my role model, mentor, coach and best friend I love him to death

As an Adult he is my best friend. We game together when I first moved in with him he taught me to play Smash Bro and we've been playing it ever since (We were both eagerly awaiting the latest one!) We play Street fighter and Soul Calibur, We've gone through the Tales of Series and Final Fantasy games together, we watch ever Marvel movie together. We've played a few mmos together. He is my martial arts sparring partner and just my absolute best friend.

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If anyone is interested you can see a bit more about here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bud1ny/is_it_weird_for_me_22f_to_be_best_friends_wjth_my/

Submitted June 07, 2019 at 11:15PM by warriorwoman96 http://bit.ly/2wHknsL