5

I am at a mental institute. I think that warrants a post.

Just finding the fucking place was therapy in itself. It’s in a forest and not very well I’m here because I’ve been having paranoid episodes. And I just realized that I will need to walk through the room full of people maybe even crazier than me.

Really I’m just wasting time now. I want to just get over it even though I’m enjoying myself. I feel like I am finally doing something that’s going to help.

Poetry and philosophy.

Describing something with words and building up an image of the place and characters... that is just... work.

Now I wonder why I thought of that as a bad thing. It is a new thing. Poetry just happens sometimes. Philosophy is was and will be.

I just learned something in the waiting room. Attention makes a man. Giving and taking. Knowing when to speak and when to not speak. When to look and when to not look. These ‘games’ over and over and over.

Finding your own group in a way simply means that you have, built on the built in systems, developed your own patterns of attention which then distribute to your needs and wants.

There is no number to chose in the waiting room. I swear to god this is on purpose. They want us to organize ech other. Which is good.

I need to get so-so stronger. And it is a process. A process I Iuckily enjoy.

I need and want to learn how to be the nail and the hammer. I need to learn the nail too, because I need to understand how it then becomes the hammer. And hiw the hammer becomes a nail. And build it all up into my own world. My own house, sculpture and art.

We are what we repeatedly do.

And I can’t decide if we should do it or not.

Oh and the highs. The highs of being up and low.

Jiujitsu.

Submitted June 22, 2019 at 11:52AM by robotkutya87 http://bit.ly/2N60S85