Hello, I (31F) have been married to my husband (28M) for roughly two years, we dated for 1 year before that. In my past life before working at the church, I was a bartender at a popular bar. I made enough money to pay off my car and some credit card debt that never seemed to go away. Unfortunately, I had some issues with addiction and was not living a healthy lifestyle at the time. I had a couple of serious boyfriends and a dozen ONS before meeting my now husband.
I disclosed that I had a rough time through my early to mid-twenties before we got married and was willing to be honest with him whenever he asked about anything. My husband is an old-fashioned type and follows the adage of “a gentleman never asks, and a lady never tells”. This was fine for me because I wanted to leave the past in the past and he wasn’t a jealous type while we were dating.
However, I have a few tattoos from the days when I was in one of my serious relationships before my current husband. He never asked about these ones, so I didn’t feel like it was something that needed to be discussed. Whenever my now husband generally asked about my tattoos (I have a lot of them) I told him simply I liked the art, which is true. I knew when saying this in the back of my head that some of them had baggage and did not want to dig that up. At the time, I know he would have understood.
The conversation of tattoos did not come up again until a year into marriage. Because of talking about the loose associations some of them had, jealousy issues started finding their way into our relationship. Let’s say one of them had to do with my ex’s metaphysical snake. I love him dearly, I do. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but these jealousy issues are starting to get cumbersome. It seems like every time he talks about this, he is possessed and wants to know all the dirty little details of this particular person in relation to himself.
I feel like he is views me like I am trash, even though he is using a calm, respectful tone. I feel like when he goes deep into the rabbit hole about this, the only way to help him is to talk about the details that he is asking about. Every time it is like putting the nail in one coffin but opening up ten new cans of worms. After growing tired, I told him that I do not want to talk about it anymore. Seemingly out of anger, he told me that he wants the tattoo removed or covered up.
I feel like he had his opportunity to find out about the details of all my tattoos and get them removed before the wedding. I could have been more open and forthcoming about the intimate nature of some of these tattoos, but we were seemingly operating under the don’t ask don’t tell philosophy. But now, there are early memories and wedding pictures tainted. I am hurt by him requesting me to remove the tattoos because it makes me feel objectified. It seems that this is leading to an ultimatum and I have decided not to remove it. Am I an asshole for not removing the tattoo?
Edit: Yes this is a repost, I deleted the first one because my husband believes that the size of it matters
Submitted May 02, 2019 at 04:36PM by VirgoLeader22 http://bit.ly/2UUESf3
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