Kind of a long post here, sorry! I'm new to Reddit so please be gentle!
I am a 17 y/o in his senior year of high school (graduating June 13th). My entire class is excited to graduate in less than a month, but I am absolutely terrified because I have little to no knowledge about the world and how it works.
A little exposition for you all: My parents have been divorced since as long as I can remember, my dad generally not in the picture. I was raised by my mother and my stepfather, who have been fighting and on the verge of divorce for most of my life. During my childhood, my mother did drugs, unbeknownst to little old me at the time (I realized when i got older). My mother has a myriad of mental health issues and, instead of coping, she takes it out on others. She is extremely controlling, greedy, vain, and attention seeking; she puts others down to make her feel better about herself, everything always has to be about her. She'd rather get lip injections than send me the money I need to pay for my copay for my therapy appointments. Most of our family recognizes how bad she's gotten and refuses to even speak or associate with her. Needless to say, she is and always will be a toxic person in my life.
What does this have to do with my graduation? Well, on the topic of my mother being controlling, she refuses to let me grow up. My mother has diagnosed agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house), meaning that I was raised as a complete homebody. I rarely had any friends besides the ones I saw at school, I wasn't ever allowed to go outside without her watching me, I was not allowed to go over friend's houses unless my mother personally met their parents several times and decided I could go over, etc. Long story short, up until I was about 15, my mother did everything in her power to socially cripple me, she wanted me to be "her baby" forever. Due to my lack of sociability, my homebody lifestyle, and my mother's constant nitpicking at every single aspect of myself, I grew up to have massive anxiety problems, depression, a lack of social skills, and zero self-esteem. I also know next to nothing about the world. I didn't know how to apply for college, I don't know how taxes work, I don't know how to get a job, I don't even know what insurance is; all because my mother never prepared me for being an adult, all because she wants me to be "her baby".
That brings me to today, I go to a notable arts magnet high school in my state (I am an artist). One day in the middle of my junior year, my mother decided that she wanted to move to Florida. I fought tooth and nail to stay here, because I wanted to graduate from my school (I also have had a lovely girlfriend of over 4 years that I wasn't planning on leaving any time soon). After months of fighting, she agreed to let me live with my aunt, which is currently who I live with. Now, this would be fine if my mother wasn't such an asshole. She refuses to allow my aunt to have legal guardianship of me, meaning my mother is still on record as my guardian, even though she lives several states away. This fucks over pretty much everything I can try to do. As a 17 year old, I don't have a drivers permit or license (I just recently started learning to drive though because I got sick of my mom's shit) because I need a legal guardian to take me to the DMV to get it, I also have never had a job. As a high schooler, I watch as my peers learn to drive and get jobs while I am unable to.
I'm graduating soon, and I am absolutely terrified to go to college because of my lack of knowledge and social skills. Recently, I've been attempting to fix it by doing small things like learning how to drive (god bless my aunt for stepping up to be the supportive mom I never had). But, every single time I ask about things I'm genuinely confused about, I get treated like I'm some sort of idiot and nobody helps me.
Example: While I was supposed to be applying for colleges, I went to my school's guidance office to ask for help because I was confused. They basically just told me to go away and figure it out myself because I "can't depend on everyone forever". They told me it's my parents job to teach me things like this, but my parents aren't around nor are they interested in doing this.
I feel like it's too late for me to learn. In recent years, my anxiety and social skills have gotten a bit better, but I am still unable to do very simple things like order food over the phone. I get too scared and throw myself into a fit before i can even dial the number. I'm trying to get better, but I have very little support.
If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated, I'm just a scared kid who hasn't been prepared for life! Thanks in advance, sorry if this post was tmi!
Submitted May 24, 2019 at 11:09PM by CacciaFaccia http://bit.ly/2JFwWgn
No comments:
Post a Comment