I was told about this sub by a friend. We've known each other almost our whole lives and after telling him about a lot of my family issues he said I should look at this sub.
I guess to start from the beginning, my biological mother died when I was 7. My dad got remarried to my step mom about a year and a half later. He felt he was doing what would make us happy and help the family. Everything was great for a while, my brother hated her and I never understood why until about my Junior year of high school. I really started documenting things when I would email a former teacher that I like to keep in touch with because he was one of those teachers that really actually cared about his students.
Also as a note I call my step mom "mom" because as a kids I couldn't pronounce her name without it sounding like "shoe". So if I slip and say mom I'm talking about my step mom.
When I really started to notice and get pissed was my brother's wedding in June 2018. (I was a bride's maid ^.^) During cocktail hour at the reception I was talking to my extended family with my step mom and one of my relatives asked what was for dinner and my step mom replied "I don't know I wasn't told anything only who to make the checks out to." thus prompting a "That's not true, it's chicken cordon bleu and roast beef. She (my brother wife) told us at the bachelorette party (got our nails done because I was 17)" She scoffed and seemed put off that I called her out in a lie. She also went out of her way to nit pick every aspect of the wedding and claim she wasn't invited to be a part of the planning. Even though she would refuse to help.
At the wedding I fell for the groom's man I walked down the isle with. His name is James and he is a few years older than me. I told him I liked him (per the advice of my brother) and we ended up dating. We're still together, and my step mom actually vouched for me when my dad was hesitant.
I'm going to copy and paste the emails to my former teacher for ease of convenience. Many of these emails are from earlier in my Senior year, I'm near the end of my Senior year. I'll also edit them to make them easier to read (add things that make it easier to understand and stuff like that)
(September 2018)
" Sometimes it feels like my (step) mom is just trying to drive me away. She massaged me on Friday morning yelling at me for not doing my only chore (the dishes) that I had done the day before, she just didn't bother to check if I did. She went on and on tried to use James as leverage against me. Then told me that if I'm gonna act like a child they'll treat me like a child. I told her that I did do it and explained my while process of after school and he apologized. She had said that since I didn't do it my dad had to and when I got home from school I check and the dishwasher was the same way I had left it, and the light (that tells you it's done) was still on so I knew my dad didn't touch it. I asked my dad just in case and he said he didn't and explained that she was under a lot of stress at work. ...
She also said that I'm inconsiderate of James because she assumes I text him late at night (I do, but if one of us says we're tired or sleepy we stop texting as much and we know that if the other doesn't respond they're asleep and don't text) she kept going on and on about how I don't respect that he has a job and that I only care about myself and that soon I'm gonna start affecting his work. She also said that having to get up and go to school isn't as hard as getting up to go to work. We (James and I) literally get up at the same time, I actually get up 15 minutes earlier than him. My mom doesn't get up for work until after I leave for school. Then she said I'm not allowed to text him past nine. I told James and he said that what she said was complete B.S. and that he's up late because he physically can't sleep and that if anything he's keeping me up. And he's said he averages 6.5 hours of sleep and it's been that way all his life, and that nothing has changed since he met me."
(Later in September 2018)
" [art teacher] had also noticed that I had seemed a lot sadder recently and talked to me and said that I should talk to [guidance counselor]. I told [guidance counselor] about everything and he asked if I wanted him to tell my parents or if I wanted to tell them. I didn't (and still don't) feel comfortable talking to my parents about my emotions. My dad was a little sad that I didn't feel comfortable talking to him. But my (step) mom was mad because she said that talking to Mr.Paul made it seem like they were (and I quote) "Shitty parents that don't know what's going on with their child.". She made me an appointment with my lady doctor because she assumed it was my medicine, she said she was taking some time off work to be with me there, and I asked her if I could talk to the doctor alone (she's pretty much my biggest problem) and she went off on me telling me that she was going in because she knew what questions to ask and I didn't."
I ended up there before she did and asked of I could talk to the doctor without my mom.
"My doctor said from what I told her, it was most likely not my medicine and told my mom that she was going to make a referral to a psychiatrist. "
I never got my appointment because my step mom believed I was fine and getting better. Sure, better at hiding it.
"On Sunday I had a bad morning because my (step) mom went off on me for "asking a stupid question" and then a number of other (stupid) things. Later I was texting James that I wanted to go for a walk but didn't want to go alone and he asked if I wanted him to come pick me up. I asked my parents and they said yes, and he came and we went to LG to take a walk. When we had gotten out of town he asked me if I really wanted to go for a walk or if I just wanted to get out of the house and away from my parents for a bit. I said kinda both. When we got to LG we got Froyo and walked around a bit. Then he took me to Potbelly to get food, because I still haven't really been eating(it's apparently a sign and symptom of depression). While we were eating he talked and asked how I was really doing. I told him that I thought it was adorable that he cares about me so much, and he told me that, that's how it should be. Because he really does care about me. And I really care about him. He asked how I'd been sleeping because I've been waking up a lot in the middle of the night recently, and he tried to give to some tips to go back to sleep when I wake up. "
(Late October 2018)
"My (step) mom was supposed to make an appointment to a psychiatrist, but I haven't gotten any information about it. My dad says that they're trying to get me the help I need, but I think that's a bunch of B.S. . Saturday I had a full depressive episode in front of James and he did his best to help me. He confiscated my jar of Nutella (I like trying to eat away my pain) that I was sobbing into (he had to hide it so I wouldn't keep going for it when he'd let me go). Then he held me and tried to make me feel better. When I start to have a depressive episode (I should clarify that that's just what I call it"
" I later got in trouble for not asking if James could come over, and my parents have constantly been saying that even though I'm 18 now I live in their house and have to follow their rules. The first time they used that argument was Tuesday when we were trying to figure out times, because I "Hadn't told them sooner that I knew about the surprise and I'm so inconsiderate because "What are they gonna do with [Little sister]?"." I had just found out the other day. Sometimes it feels like they (mostly my (step) mom) are trying to find any excuse to get mad at me.
James wants to get a place and help me move out because he doesn't like the way that I'm being treated. Because I'm almost always watching [Little sister] and yet have like no power over her. I do the laundry that my (step) mom doesn't want to do (even if I'm busy). I bring her food when she doesn't want to get out of bed, and often get in trouble for what we (James and I) see as stupid things. I mentioned moving out to her once and she said if I move out I can't take anything I didn't buy. James said that he'd back me up 100% and take care of me. "
(November 2018)
"I think I'm more comfortable at school, I can say what my (step) mom considers stupid and senseless things without getting in trouble. Tho some days at home it's fine and everything is pretty happy, then there are other days everything sucks and I just want out.
I talked to my dad on Halloween about that psychiatrist appointment, and my dad said that mom was talking to someone about setting one up but he hasn't heard anything about me having one. I don't think I'll get help as long as I'm here. My parents okayed me getting talk therapy through a program the school offers, but I don't think talk therapy will work, any advice they give me won't be followed and anything the parents could be recamended to do they won't do. My dad would try a bit, but mom wouldn't."
my mom asked for the screenshot (of my college acceptance email) I took of the email and put it on FaceBook, so I pretty much only got to tell James, her, and James' best friend. 'Cause you know why should I tell my family and other people about my accomplishments."
(Still November 2018)
"I'd like to try to move out before the school year ends. I mentioned it the day that I talked to the parents about me being depressed and my mom said that if I move out I'm not taking anything I didn't buy myself. But I would like to move out even just for a bit to, I guess, not be home for a while. I just don't want my (step) mom to cut me off, and burn the bridges that I have with them. Sammy said that if I eff up and have to come back home, they shouldn't reject me moving back in because they let our step brother and his boyfriend move back in."
Part of an Email to a friend in February:
"I finally got an appointment and a few days before it she took my words and twisted them to my dad to make me seem like I insulted her and started a big fight with me. She had asked me if I wanted a new phone because I had been having some problems with mine and we were looking at phones. ... She went and told my dad that I said "People who use Apple are idiots and stupid" and made it seem like I said it in a nasty tone. When I was walking by to take my medicine (she always speaks loud enough for me to hear it in the living room (Other side of the house) anyway) I said "That's not what I said and that's not how I said it." Then she started a big fight and stormed off into the bathroom to cry and I told my dad everything about how she makes me feel and how it's either her or me. He tried to make us talk it out even though she insisted that she has to "walk on fucking egg shells around me" and anything I said even with my dad right there twisted my words to make her seem like a victim. Then at one point she said "what if I just stopped talking to you, how would you feel about that." and I said "I'd be fine with that" she gasped and turned to my dad (who was between us) and said that I said I never want her to talk to me again. Then when they started fighting and I tried to leave she yelled at me and my dad (who had encouraged me to leave the room).
My appointment ended up being cancelled because something came up with the doctor and she never rescheduled it. "
She also yelled at me for talking shit about her and my dad behind their back and said that my step brother's boyfriend had told them everything I'd ever said about them. And that if I'm not happy living there I should move out and have my (if I remember correctly) "Big manly boyfriend" take care of me. (I have screenshots of the conversation of where I explained everything to my boyfriend. I'll post them if I can figure out how)
Most recently (Tuesday) She came in from work asking about why the principal asked to speak with me. (He had asked about something my step mom said to his secretary at the bible study they're in together. She has twisted what I said and made someone out to seem like a bad person. I cleared it up and explained that "my mom can be very manipulative at times (also he stopped me in the hall while I was walking back to class after talking to another teacher).) She said what I claimed I told her wasn't it and when I said "If you ask anyone in the class with me they'll tell you exactly what I said." she then started to mess with dishes in the sink and opened the dishwasher and saw it was near full "Why didn't you empty this?!"
"They're dirty."
"Why didn't you run it?!"
"Because there was still more that needed to go in it and there wasn't anything in the sink."
She then motions toward the almost full sink that was filled with the previous night's dishes as well as her and my dad's dishes from their packed lunches.
"Fine, I'll do it now!" I snapped and moved to fix it, while tearing up a little because I was frustrated (I cry when I'm really frustrated (I cry a lot, mostly in times of great emotion like fights and stuff))
Quick side note: I had tweaked my back that morning and went almost the entire day in pain until my gym teacher had me go to the nurse who had me ice it and told me to put heat on it when I got home. My step mom knew about my back because I had to call and ask where the heating pad was.
She then yelled at me to not start that shit (crying). And I snapped and started yelling back saying that it seems she looks for every excuse to yell at me and make me feel like a failure.
My dad came in while we were yelling at each other and tried to defuse the situation. I eventually yelled "I'm moving out!" and my step mom yell "No you're not" and I did what she does during fights and walked away. She then yelled she was leaving and my dad said neither of us were. She turned on him and started yelling at him for being "spineless and not picking a side" even though he knows he'll lose no matter what side he picks. She then yelled at my dad to "move your fucking truck before I move it for you." I muttered that I'd just fucking kill myself and she yelled "What did you say!" and came storming to my room where I looked her dead in the eyes and said "I'm going to kill myself.". She screamed "No you won't!" and moved toward me and my dad came and pulled her out of my room.
I had stuffed a backpack and a pillowcase, as well as my school backpack with my school stuff. When I went to ask my dad if I could borrow I suitcase he tried to talk me out of moving and asked that I take a walk (he knew I'd call my brother and talk to him about it.)
While I was talking to my brother and his wife I got a text from my step mom saying "I'm sorry. I had a bad day at work and took it out on you. I don't want you to move out. I'm sorry" I don't accept her apology because she does shit like this all the time.
I watch my sister everyday after school until my parents get home and have to plan around their schedules if I want to do something. I do get paid $25 a week for watching her.
Also, my step mom scapegoat for almost everything is that I'm becoming a horrible person because I spend too much times with my boyfriend.
I want to make it absolutely clear that he often takes better care of me than my parents. He's taught me to think for my self, make my own decisions, and be more independent. He's currently trying to break me of the habit of apologizing for everything. He noticed that if he accidentally did something I would take the blame and for example he once hit me with something when he was trying to move it and didn't see me there and I apologized for being in the way. He also brought me to his house on new years eve because I wasn't able to hold down liquids and no one in my house was bothering to help me. He asked me if I could fake being okay enough to ask my parents if I could go to a party at his house and he took me there where his dad (a rescue squad guy) treated me. After an hour I was well enough to actually party.
My dad said my step mom was abused in her past marriage and that's why she plays the victim card so often and is the way she is.
Edit: This literally happened after I posted this. She asked me to cut my plans with my boyfriend short by 2 hours so her and my dad could go out with her boss and got mad when I got upset because he had budgeted time for the original amount of time and now I can't see him. She then waved me off and said "Just go before it becomes an argument."
I'm very sorry that this is so long.
Submitted May 04, 2019 at 05:02AM by MusicalPigeon http://bit.ly/2UZwdI6
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