Hi there! I'm not sure if any of you remember me, a while back I made a post about my mom controlling my life, crushing my dreams of running a bakery, basically choosing my college degree and all my classes for me, and preventing me from working and saving money.
So, today, I sort of did something about it?
We were driving to go out to eat, and my mom was talking about getting my little brother into college to get him into engineering (He's twelve right now, and mom wants him in duel-enrolled in college by the time he's fourteen). I haven't heard him talk about going into engineering in years, and I don't want him to end up stuck in a position he's gonna hate, so I ask him if that's what he really wants to do or if that's what mom latched onto, which was kind of mean, but anyway (If you're curious, after all of this was over, he ended up saying he liked the idea of engineering, but he wasn't really sure what he wanted to do).
I ended up spilling a little more information than I meant to. I had planned to talk to mom sometime about my degree, since my priority is working and saving up money, and mom plans for me to be going to classes every day in autumn. So I guess it's good it happened now?
Mom is blown away that I don't like the career I'm going into. I was pretty wishy-washy during the conversation, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings (even though she was and still is controlling my future), but I basically say that I like the classes, I like making art, but I want to run a bakery. I even end up mentioning how when I told her, she started coming up with the most inane scenarios. She said she doesn't remember that.
Mom immediately starts talking about the degrees I'm going to need. I don't need a degree to run a bakery, experience is more important, but mom knows best, I guess. I don't want to go to a four year university, but mom doesn't allow that. I mention multiple times that I want to work in the autumn, and that I don't want to take a ton of classes. Mom won't allow that either (She even rolled her eyes at one point). I need to complete my transfer requirements and degree as soon as possible because mom works at the college, so they pay for 75% of the tuition, and the rest comes out of pocket. It's a huge opportunity and I can appreciate that, but I don't even need to go to a four year university, and I'd rather not spend the money, time, and especially the stress on something I don't need.
She says she wishes I had said something earlier. I have no idea where this came from, but I reply back, "But you didn't make me feel like I could say something."
She doesn't apologize. She tells me I need to say something when she starts helping too much, she has a problem with getting too involved, but she does this all out of love and she wants to support us. It's a nice sentiment, but there's a really, really big difference between supporting someone and deciding everything for them.
So...my degree is getting changed, but mom is still controlling everything. She doesn't know that I changed the password to my college account so she can't just sign in and register for classes, so that's something, right?
When we get home though, mom starts talking about all the classes I need to take to transfer, never mind that I don't need or want to transfer. I'm exhausted. I'm not even listening at this point. I guess it's helpful that she put everything together, but it still feels like she's trying to control everything.
And then, and then, she says she's hurt that I don't feel like I can trust her. She says she knows I would never hurt her on purpose 'because that's not the type of person I am', but she's hurt that I have this perception of her that I can't tell her things, and that she just wants to support me and she just wants to see me happy. She tells me I need to tell her things, because apparently my siblings and I have this habit of mentioning something once and never mentioning it again (Gee, I wonder why...).
She doesn't even consider herself. She doesn't think, "What have I done to make my own daughter not trust me?" She hasn't even apologized. She's hurt. Good for her, I guess, but she's not the one who has to fight tooth and nail to just start working a part-time job, to have a say in their own life. Like, I'm sorry you're hurt that I can't trust you, I'd be hurt if my daughter felt like she couldn't trust me, but...no introspection? None? You never thought, "What did I do to make my daughter stop trusting me? How can I fix this?" You never considered how I might be hurt by not having a parent that I can trust? It's really all about you?
Thank you for letting me vent, and if you read this post. I'm exhausted in every way, so I'm gonna post this and go to sleep. Have a nice night/day everyone!
Submitted May 09, 2019 at 05:06AM by suspiciousautumn http://bit.ly/2YhFBsW
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