These past few years have gone absolutely shit! First having first year of high school being semi bullied but never got worse till year 8 I was being harassed with text messages telling me that if I cut myself cut properly not like a stupid kid was told to go hang myself that nobody here wanted me I was homeschooled after all of that, I even tried committing suicide myself after those messages. A year later. term 1, week 2 I saw my best friend get bullied and decided to stick up for her but how did it go? I was bashed a week later it got beyond the point I was 4 months clean after cutting my wrists in front of my 6 yr old sister the worst thing I have ever done to her. The cyber bullying started all over again and again and again never experienced bullying like what I experienced it was all to the point I ran away when I came back I was sent to hospital on the 21st of November and came back on the 29th November i constantly had duty teachers watch me 24/7 no doubt now but still not there yet brand new yr and not even the first week back shit had to happen I had my Snapchat account and instagram account my Instagram was hacked and every single person posted on there stories “ msg this bitch calling everyone sluts” and I found out 4 days later I knew something was up and I was right I was nearly flogged in front of my art class by Sahara Melvin and by two of her mates behind her. After everything mellowed down 6 weeks later it happened again only this time it happened with my Snapchat account telling ppl to go kill themselves and much more it got rlly bad it was so bad my own parents didn’t believe me till midnight that night how can I be asleep and texting? Exactly. Things got bad from there I made some new friends and friends I thought wouldn’t do what they did starting from nikkeah Harvey, Imogen Taylor, Maddison Taylor, Monique hannigton, Tyra dally, Ashton Jose, Ayden Allison, Levi... first of all nikkeah. She tried getting me and Maddison to start up again what do I mean by that? Trying to get me smashed by Maddi she gave out my phone number to girls that hated me telling me I wasn’t caring but who got bullied after sticking up for her? Not just that but smashed! Next person Imogen Taylor were u just using me for the last 5 weeks? Was it the game to play with my Head? Or was it just me in general that couldn’t take me anymore? Here’s how it goes. I started messaging her on Snapchat right before it got hacked and she invited me to hang out with her to make me feel a tad more welcome a few weeks later things wasn’t the same till the day she obviously gave up and couldn’t stand me anymore at that time and week it happened I was actually within a new part of a group I made to get away from the toxic bitches that has ever made me feel bad in myself on Wednesday the 9th April my mum confronted me saying to stop harassing Imogen I was completely confused I was with the other group of friends so I asked why? She told me, me and my ex best friend was telling her and her mates to go kill themselves that they weren’t wanted but it was impossible I was with Sara, Garry, David, Tasha,Chloe on Monday recess and lunch to Wednesday lunch I was with Taylor then Thursday I was with Britney and helping student council due to meetings I had for the rest of the week. And I told my mum that she never believed me I ended up storming off to my room and I was hit across my face by my mum. I overdosed that morning bc I was sick of living with the fall of lies everyone was making from my name around that school. So I was fighting what was rlly going on? For that to happen to escalate so fast for Imogen to do that to me. Doesn’t she get what it’s like? To be severely depressed constantly in my room? Doesn’t she get how alone I am how nobody cares? Doesn’t she understand what it’s like to get told by your own mum that nobody loves me that no one cares I’m not wanted that I’m a lost cause? No she wouldn’t understand I don’t understand me anymore. Then reading through my mums Facebook messenger I know I know I’m not meant to be doing that but I was investigating for answers I was accused for breaking my little sisters glasses I didn’t do it! I found and was accused from my mum that I’m the cause for her own actions shes been giving to the family how I apparently got her to lose her job for her losing her memory how is that my fault? She doesn’t care as she says she does trust me she doesn’t care she only says it to get everyone around me to feel better I don’t get it I don’t get why I’m so fucking afraid to slice my wrists why I can’t just end it I’m so tempted to go out to school and leave just to buy a razor from the chemist I over heard my mum on the phone the other day saying these girls from my school was sending links on how to hang myself it’s true nobody here wants me living here anymore and tbh Maybe I don’t belong here so maybe I should end it right here. Bc nobody here gets it nobody here wants me here for as much as it hurts it’s the truth maybe then no one can’t use my name for excuses and to use my name for the advantage to get me bullied or even accused of being this person I apparently am but I’m not what there saying I’m not a immature cunt I’m not the bully I’m not the slut I’m none of it I’m not wanting the attention I’m just wanting the help without being called attention seeker I’m this girl trapped, alone, quiet ( at times ) always in my room trying but I can never succeed I tried crisis help lines and when I tried i got into a lot of trouble for trying to get help I tried my councillor for weeks I couldn’t open up bc my mum was there I said when we had a massive argument I’m done living and what did she say? I’m fall of shit I’m only lying but she has no clue now she said where did she fail? Well it’s obvious....I now get bullied for not having a social life, I’m never allowed out of the house I don’t have a phone so rlly no one can’t complain can they? That I’m depressed and always angry with me being mad I have every right I’m not allowed out of the house I’ve never gone to a party in my whole life I’ve never had a sleepover besides family never going to the mall and getting my nails done I’m never allowed to do those things all they allow me to do is stay home sit on my ass and do nothing sometimes I want freedom but not allowed to anymore my life actually rlly sucks and I mean it rlly does fucking suck!! So rlly I have a lot of reasons to end my life .
So I will be taking my life tonight to get out of this hell of a life I’m living in that way no one will have to worry and can officially stop caring for me when they never did care it’ll be one of those where I take my life and they’ll all say they loved me and that they care and I’ll be saying why didn’t they say that to me she. I was alive? So rlly I don’t care anymore they didn’t love me enough to keep me alive. Bye cruel ass fucking world u put me in.
Ps if u r reading this please just comment not private message me bc I can’t receive it anymore unfortunately.
Submitted April 24, 2019 at 01:00AM by em2430 http://bit.ly/2L7WGDE
No comments:
Post a Comment