Warning: This post is very, very long. I apologize. I was unfortunately a bit late to the puberty party. I did not get taller/have my voice change/grow facial hair until I was mid-14. This is worth pointing out so that the fact that I had my first crush at 15 won’t seem weird.
Anyway, obligatory fact out of the way: There is this girl that I’ve known for my entire life. She is the sweetest, kindest, happiest, and most genuinely good person I have ever seen. Not even kidding, a whole lot of people have referred to her as perfect. She’s also got another thing going for her: SHE. IS. BEAUTIFUL. She has the most perfectly arranged features, as well as elegance and grace and a whole bunch of other perfect things. Big blue eyes, a beautiful smile, long curly brunette hair, perfect frame, the whole package. Tl;dr she is perfect and gorgeous beyond belief.
But I didn’t always think so. In fact, there was a time when I actually disliked her. She has a younger brother who I used to play with (he’s a couple years younger than me) and he told me about all the times she got him in trouble. In reality, he was getting out of hand and she had to make him stop, but I didn’t know that at the time. But then some misunderstandings happened and our families separated for three years. It was during those three years that I started to notice her; to see her true beauty. I started to have a mild crush on her, but nothing more than that.
Fast forward to July 2017, and our church was having a day camp for kids where they learned about how to plant vegetables and tend gardens and stuff like that. I signed up mostly because I would be able to hang out with my friends for a whole week, but also because I thought it would be an opportunity to get to know HER. (I didn’t, but it was probably for the better at that time.)
Now, keep in mind that I had never seen her in a casual setting before, only on Sundays for church. She mostly wears dresses and looks very beautiful in them, but that’s all I had ever seen her wearing. So on this week, I got there early and started talking with my friend, and eventually I saw HER car pull in. And when she got out, I’m pretty sure I just stopped everything and just…stared. She was wearing a black sleeveless shirt of which the opening went down quite low in the front, and purple short shorts that showed pretty much every inch of her legs. (I was 15 ok?) I just stayed and stared, then snapped out of it and went on with the day’s activities, but I just kept staring at her in sheer disbelief that there was a girl of such tremendous beauty in the same room as me. Looking back, she probably noticed me staring at her, and I’m not sure what she would have thought.
Over the next three days, she came every day wearing a sleeveless shirt and short shorts of various colors. It was also at this time that I discovered her personality, which is even more beautiful than her looks, AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING. I did a few things with her (i.e. helping kids plant stuff, taking turns spraying them with sunblock, entertaining them with games of Simon Says) but nothing crazy happened and I didn’t really talk much to her, because I didn’t know what to say. I now had a huge, giant, uncontrollable . . . . crush on her that I really didn’t know what to do about.
On the final day of the camp, everything went about the same (this time she was wearing flip flops instead of tennis shoes because she had painted her nails, just thought I’d mention that) and I sort of got to talk with her about my dog, who was at home. Nothing beyond that, I think that was the most I talked to her that week. Noon rolled around and we were supposed to go into the sanctuary so the kids could recite a song the were supposed to do as one of the activities. They did (and started screaming and yelling instead of singing and had to be stopped) and everything was fine. But then………..it happened.
SHE went up onto the stage and sat down at the piano (mind you, this is a full size grand piano that’s a good 15 feet long, so a bit intimidating). The head counselor then informed us that SHE had been working on an original composition over the last year and she was now ready to perform it. I sat there in silence, asking myself if this was really happening. Thank God it was. It was a very beautiful and emotional piece, and I thought about filming it with my phone but I didn’t, because I literally could not move. She looked absolutely stunningly beautiful playing her song, she was leaning over the keys, closing her eyes and losing herself in the music, the moment, never letting it go.
And I fell in love. That was it. There was no great buildup or anything. It just silently transitioned from a huge crush to love. The rest of the day went by without incident but I could not stop thinking about that moment. I could not stop thinking about HER. Even as I was sitting right next to her when we were doing arts and crafts (another camp activity) I couldn’t stop thinking about her then. I was thinking of a good time to compliment her in formal terms about how I loved her composition and that it was very great, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. But this was a blessing in disguise.
For that evening, it was supposed to be a finale for the week that also happened to fall on a church service night (we have service on alternate Fridays). We had put all the kids’ art on the walls so the people could look at them as they came in, and then, from a distance, I saw HER again… And she was wearing the most beautiful, elegant crimson dress and gold-studded shoes. I noped out of there so I could just comprehend her magnificent and incomparable beauty.
So this time in front of the whole congregation, the entire rehearsal was performed again. And that included HER song. Now, if she was already beautiful playing the piano in street clothes, then try to imagine my situation as she played the piano in a very elegant dress. OH. MY. GOD. SHE. WAS. GORGEOUS. I was actually shaking during the whole thing. You know that feeling you get sometimes when it feels like you’re going to puke but it also feels kind of good? I had that. I was completely overcome and thrown to the ground by her immeasurable beauty then, and that’s when I became a man, I think. Afterwards, I was in a daze. Somehow I stumbled upon her and blindly said “That was a really nice performance.” (I meant to say ‘composition’ but my brain was completely out of it. And she blushed really hard and said faintly, “Thank you…thank you so much.” That tipped me off that she might actually like me back. At the realization of that, I literally almost passed out. (Thankfully I wasn’t around anyone then, or it might have gone over badly.)
Now it’s 2019, and she’s (somehow) even more beautiful than she was back then. We’re both 17 now and I could probably keep my cool in a situation like that now, but I’m almost 100% positive that she does indeed like me back. Sometimes when I’m depressed, I just think of her and realize that there is someone out there for me. And I really hope it’s her.
Maddie, if you’re reading this, I love you. I love you more than anything in the world. And I will always love you from now until the end of time.
Submitted April 15, 2019 at 12:35AM by Yarael-Poof http://bit.ly/2Gl4aid
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